First post
Posted: Sun Nov 10, 2019 3:27 pm
Hello everyone!
It's my first post, so I hope it will be somewhat coherent..
It's my last year at university, I'm finishing my double bachelor's degree. I also work full time. I like my job, it's very well paid, my coworkers are amazing and it's more than I could ask from my first workplace. Nontheless, I feel so tired. Yesterday I slept all day 18 hours straight, then woke up, went to my friend's place, got drunk and slept some more. Today I tried to study as I have this research project which I can't seem to do. I have to write it in a language I don't remember and my professor refuses to talk to me in english or my native language regarding said project. I cried the whole time while trying to be productive. I feel mentally exhausted from all the things I must do and I can't do them well. I'm failing university, I'm failing at my job. On top of that I have a diagnosed depression which is coming back after two years of feeling normal to bite me in the ass. Tomorrow is my 22nd birthday. I fear that I will start crying randomly, I fear that I am too pathetic and undeserving of my life. Why can't I just be happy and stop caring about perfection? I don't want to die, but I don't feel like existing anymore.
It's my first post, so I hope it will be somewhat coherent..
It's my last year at university, I'm finishing my double bachelor's degree. I also work full time. I like my job, it's very well paid, my coworkers are amazing and it's more than I could ask from my first workplace. Nontheless, I feel so tired. Yesterday I slept all day 18 hours straight, then woke up, went to my friend's place, got drunk and slept some more. Today I tried to study as I have this research project which I can't seem to do. I have to write it in a language I don't remember and my professor refuses to talk to me in english or my native language regarding said project. I cried the whole time while trying to be productive. I feel mentally exhausted from all the things I must do and I can't do them well. I'm failing university, I'm failing at my job. On top of that I have a diagnosed depression which is coming back after two years of feeling normal to bite me in the ass. Tomorrow is my 22nd birthday. I fear that I will start crying randomly, I fear that I am too pathetic and undeserving of my life. Why can't I just be happy and stop caring about perfection? I don't want to die, but I don't feel like existing anymore.