First post

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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First post

Postby Me254 » Sun Nov 10, 2019 3:27 pm

Hello everyone!
It's my first post, so I hope it will be somewhat coherent..
It's my last year at university, I'm finishing my double bachelor's degree. I also work full time. I like my job, it's very well paid, my coworkers are amazing and it's more than I could ask from my first workplace. Nontheless, I feel so tired. Yesterday I slept all day 18 hours straight, then woke up, went to my friend's place, got drunk and slept some more. Today I tried to study as I have this research project which I can't seem to do. I have to write it in a language I don't remember and my professor refuses to talk to me in english or my native language regarding said project. I cried the whole time while trying to be productive. I feel mentally exhausted from all the things I must do and I can't do them well. I'm failing university, I'm failing at my job. On top of that I have a diagnosed depression which is coming back after two years of feeling normal to bite me in the ass. Tomorrow is my 22nd birthday. I fear that I will start crying randomly, I fear that I am too pathetic and undeserving of my life. Why can't I just be happy and stop caring about perfection? I don't want to die, but I don't feel like existing anymore.

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Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: First post

Postby Spleefy » Mon Nov 11, 2019 4:57 am

HI Me254,

Welcome, and thanks for sharing.

A double degree, full time job, and a good drink. I’m not surprised you are exhausted, buddy lol

So what do you mean by “failing”? And why “pathetic” and “undeserving”?

It’s always good to challenge unfounded or negative thoughts lest they become our truth.

Perhaps depression came back because it’s telling you that you are overextending yourself.

I understand about perfectionism all too well. High standards is one thing, but perfectionism is another. Being a perfectionist would only end up being counterproductive in my life. I learnt that being a perfectionist is a sure-fire way of setting ourselves up for failure. So I chose to work on breaking this counterproductive pattern of behavior and replace it with a realistic one. I chose to have high standards, but also to not be so hard on myself when things didn't go the way I would have hoped or planned. This did wonders, and certainly keeps stress down. Might be something worth thinking about.

Taking on too much and trying to accomplish everything in one go is another high risk that sets us up for failure. We all want to succeed in life. This is easier to do when we don’t put undue stress, pressure and demands in our lives, particularly for prolonged periods.

Happiness is a relative term and won’t come to us just because we want it. We gotta work on being happy. We gotta work on being healthy.

Hang in there, mate. You are twenty-two. A bit young to be thinking about not existing anymore. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. You have many adventures awaiting you. You’ve got many successes and mistakes ahead of you. You’ve got much pain, many broken hearts, and sadness to endure. But you’ve also got a lot of happiness (if you work on it) ahead.

Life’s a journey. Take it for what it is and run with it and try not to be too catastrophic when you face what seems like insurmountable pressure. Just take a step back and try not to take on too much in one go.

This is just another bump in the road in your life. There will be plenty more, but there will many more smoother roads ahead. Hang in there, this will all pass.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

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