What’s the point of living if you never lived.

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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What’s the point of living if you never lived.

Postby NotHuman » Mon Oct 07, 2019 1:56 am

All my life I’ve never really connected with anyone closely on an emotional level. Ever since I became aware of my surrounding, I never truly understand how a person feel and how I can feel with them. I just acted what I think makes people happy. My parents loved me and did everything they could for me but I’ve always felt lonely and could never tell anyone about myself since doing that would make me a crazy person and would put me out of place even more.To add to that I also struggled with ADD. I started becoming addicted to habits like smoking, drugs, gambling in college as ways to cope with people around me and to keep me focused. One day I was having a big fight with my parents when they found out about how I live. On their way home they got into an accident where mom died and dad became a vegetable. As I spent the past 3 years staying at home taking care of my father, I can feel my mind is slowly fading away. I’ve already sold everything we had to afford the hospital bills and no one really want anything to do with us anymore. I think I will just end it all once my father gave out since this miserable life is not really worth living as there’s no one else that I love or love me and hope that maybe my death make more sense than my life ever would as I never felt like I existed.

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Re: What’s the point of living if you never lived.

Postby Spleefy » Mon Oct 07, 2019 8:24 am

That is a tragic outcome with your parents. I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you as both a carer and to see your dad this way.

After everything you have been through, and still going through, it is completely understandable why you would feel life is not worth living.

I get the deep desire to remove yourself from existence. I struggled with the thoughts of “to be, or not to be” everyday, year after year.

I also understand the loneliness of not connecting with anyone on a deep emotional level.

If truth be told, I don’t have any real connections in my life either. And you know what? It annoys me. It makes me sad, angry, frustrated and bewildered all at the same time.

I used to let it bother me. I used to question why. I used to question why I bothered existing if I can’t even connect with anyone, let alone function. I questioned what was the point of living, especially if I was going to be alone. And if I did make connections, they only ended up as a temporary part of my life. My life had no value, no meaning.

Life in general just didn’t make sense.

This is not to say that it doesn’t still bother me. I hate the fact that I don’t have a companion and deep relationship with someone. Furthermore, it not something you actually get used to. It will always bother me because it is against what is an inherit part of being human.

But I can’t allow myself to entertain these self-defeating thoughts because it will just make me miserable. I refuse to indulge in negative thoughts because it is toxic and can destroy us. I had depression once and I refuse to ever get it again, so I’m very careful and acutely aware of my thought patterns.

As soon as I get a negative thought, I immediately challenge it. I replace it with realistic thinking. Some say “positive” but sometimes just keeping it real is better. For example, being positive and repeating to myself: “there are no weeds in the garden”, doesn’t change the fact there are weeds and will always be weeds. Keeping it real says, “If I pluck out the weeds, I will be left with a beautiful and healthy garden that I can enjoy”.

I see this as an analogy for life: pluck out the problems before they spread and get worse so that I can enjoy life more.

I waffled on a bit, but the point is… life is worth living. Don’t ask me why, but it is lol Sometimes it is better to not question things we don't fully understand and instead just go with it.

I mean, if I was to be real, I could probably think of more reasons to not exist than to live. I don’t have a family of my own—something I have yearned for since I can remember. So I could easily indulge in self-defeating thoughts and tell myself my life has no value or that I’m not worth living or that I'm unlovable or mentally challenged, etc. But why make myself more miserable than necessary?

Most things are not so bad that we cannot change it. I know I will find someone special that I can have a deep connection with, and so will you.

In the meantime, why not just focus on making other people’s lives better?That’s what I try to do. If I can offer myself to enhance the lives of others, then my life suddenly has value and is meaningful.

I am an informal carer for my uncle whom has special needs. I also have a puppy that I recently got, and he depends on me. What does this mean? I need to stay alive. I don't have time to die or to be depressed. I need to be on top of my game to ensure that they both thrive. Thus I have to stay strong mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. No time for playing mind games with myself.

You just need to find your “why” for living. Find purpose. If you can’t live for yourself, then live for others. Give others a great life. There are many people out there who need to be loved, nurtured and protected.

You will find someone you can love and that will love you. Although, I am yet to find it :lol: But it doesn’t mean I stop living because of it. It is only one part of life. And there is always hope that things will turn out the way we want them, but we will never find out if we don’t stick around long enough for it to happen.

I’m betting that you have a lot to offer this world. There is someone out there waiting for you. Your paths are yet to cross, that's all.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

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Re: What’s the point of living if you never lived.

Postby j2415 » Mon Oct 07, 2019 5:02 pm

I’m so sorry to hear about your parent’s accident. I used to be a caregiver to my father when he was diagnosed with a terminal disease. It was not an easy journey- physically, emotionally and financially. I was so focused with my Dad’s condition that I forgot about myself. I lost a lot of weight, not having enough sleep and skipped meals. I learned through that journey that I need to take care of myself so I can be better taking care of my Dad. Years later, my mother was also diagnosed with a terminal disease so I tried to balance my time.

When we take care of others, sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves but we can be more effective in care giving if we take care of ourselves first. Even how busy you are, always find time to relax. Ask help from a family member or a friend to alternate with you if possible. Please stay strong. Talk to someone whom you can trust to talk about how you feel, especially when you are down.

I pray that things will go well with you, you will find someone who will love you and you will love. I hope to hear from you again. Take care, God bless.

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Re: What’s the point of living if you never lived.

Postby Lwoodall » Mon Oct 07, 2019 6:23 pm

I am very sorry about what happened to your parents and I am very sorry about how you feel too! Sometimes I have felt that something is very wrong with me because of the loneliness that I experience and that has been a part of my life many times. I would recommend talking to a therapist for help. I am sorry that you have it very hard! You are very strong. Your life is valuable. Unfortunately, your life is sad and it can be understandable that you don't want to live. Please don't give up! Sometimes the most fortunate people have it very hard too. We have to be strong and do what it's best for ourselves. Take care of yourself. Know that you are not alone. Maybe a therapist could be of great help. Know that you are not alone. Sometimes the people that seem the happiest have sad things in their lives too. God bless you so much! I prayed for blessings for you.

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