My story of depression

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Bandit
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Oct 01, 2019 2:04 am

My story of depression

Postby Bandit » Tue Oct 01, 2019 2:30 am

2 years ago my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I watched her through her journey the entire time trying my best to comfort her and build myself a future. Before she passed away she got to see me get married and become a man responsible for not only myself but my step children. I have no biological children and little experience but I try.

My mothers death brought on turmoil between my siblings. I was always least favored it seems growing up and even in my adult life. I don't own much but everything i have has been earned by my own hands. The stress that came along from my mothers death built and built as i contiued doing my best to bring her peace. Other life problems including debt and being hyper focused on my future has lead me to have lost interests in anything i once enjoyed. Almost every time i reach a goal, life throws a curveball. Water heater broke out. Many pipes in my trailer broke.. Car issues...work issues.. Stress building and building.. Now i am at a point to where I get angry and irrationally snap. Instant overload that's effecting the mental state of my wife and children. I can't find work.. The work I've found has screwed me over money wise or unsafe work conditions.. Or I've lost the job because my wife's health issues and nobody is willing to help so i can provide for my kids being we have only one vehicle.. Let alone save money for life's curveballs.. I feel awful.. My family deserves so much better but it's gotten to the point to where I'm too lazy because literally every time i try something happens left field and the people around me just want to criticize me for my flaws. They don't understand what I've done and failed.. It's not my job to impress any damn body but myself my wife and my children but SOMETHING has to change....

LiveLaughLove2018
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:06 pm

Re: My story of depression

Postby LiveLaughLove2018 » Wed Oct 02, 2019 1:49 pm

I am glad you reached out and shared on this forum. First I wanted to say I am so sorry for loss of your mom. It is hard to see a loved one suffer and then pass away. You sound like a loving and caring son.

I am also sorry for your financial struggles and work struggles. For me I had to learn to let go of my circumstances and turn my focus towards God. Trust Him on every area of my life. I had to accept I can't do it on my own. I need support and help.

God put you as the father of your children and husband to your wife. You can do it, you are just in a rough patch in your life. Just don't let your thoughts get the best of you. I know just saying believe in yourself is a little colloquial. However, it is the truth, what we tell ourselves is what we believe about ourselves. If we think and say negative things about ourselves then that's what we believe. So feed yourself positive uplifting things.

I will be praying for your job and situation. God will provide. I have seen that over and over again in my life. Try to keep the right perspective and believe in yourself. It starts with saying three uplifting things about yourself and repeating it over and over till you believe it. Please keep in touch. God Bless! Hugs!

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: My story of depression

Postby Spleefy » Thu Oct 03, 2019 5:40 am

Hi Bandit,

Congratulations on being a family man. This is something I have always yearned for, but for some reason it never worked out that way for me... at least not in this lifetime. But I’m still happy because I have many other things to enjoy in life, and many more that I can find to enjoy. The key is to not get too hung up on the one thing. Diversity is the spice of life!

You are certainly in quite an ordeal at the moment.

If I may leave you with a thought… you haven’t failed! We only fail when we stop trying. So hang in there and keep trying, for both you and your family.

You are doing what you can, but life has been particularly rough for you at the moment. Things can and will change… we only have to stick it out long enough to see those changes.

It is understandable that you get angry and are snappy. There is a lot of stress on your plate at the moment and you are not getting a break. Anybody in your situation would get frustrated, angry, disheartened, and snappy. You wouldn't be human if you didn't.

You are a wonderful husband to your wife and father to your children. Why? Because you haven’t given up, despite the constant influx of curveballs in your life. You have also reached out, which shows how much you really do care about them.

Keep strong. Your children will see you as a role model, so never lose sight of that. Show them how their dad allowed himself to be human, but at the same time, persevered through troubled times to get to the other side of it.

You said your "family deserve better". They don't need better--they have you! You are the very thing they deserve, want and need. So hang in there, mate.

Is your wife supportive? Turn to her. Talk to her. Build some solidarity as a family, and you’ll pull through together.

As the other poster mentioned, I too find immense comfort and strength when I turn to our loving Creator. And, as LiveLaughLove said, trust in him in every area of your life, and accept that we cannot do it on our own. This is a profound statement. In this system of things, we are taught to rely on ourselves and our own reasoning and wisdom. Is it any wonder why we are a detriment to ourselves and to other people?

But turning to God and using his wisdom and support in both the good and bad times certainly does make life much more easier and enjoyable.

It may not seem like it, but you're a great husband and father. You are only going through a rough patch at the moment. Don't let this define you. It does not make you any less of man or family head. What matters is not that we experience adversity in life, but how we handle it when it does happen. And, based on what you've said, I think you are handling it well.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

LiveLaughLove2018
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:06 pm

Re: My story of depression

Postby LiveLaughLove2018 » Wed Oct 09, 2019 9:20 pm

Hi Bandit, Just checking to see how you are feeling this week. My prayers have been with you.

Bandit
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Oct 01, 2019 2:04 am

Re: My story of depression

Postby Bandit » Sat Oct 12, 2019 5:38 pm

Things have been better somewhat. Trying to build a solid foundation to stand on. The thought crossed my mind why should I be mad at myself for the reasons life happens? I snagged a job that was very physically demanding and worked hard for two weeks. I was let go because my hand formed a painful tendon condition causing a "liability issue"... I admit I over did myself. It was through a temp service so they just placed me at another job making 4 dollars an hour less.. :| However I start the new job Monday so I'm not completely screwed.

My wife is amazing we are working together on things and she's found work she's able to do with her pain issues. Over all things are better and I feel like baby steps are still advancement! It's juat hard to get out of a rut when you're so deep in it.

I want to thank you guys for your powerful words. I can tell they're well thought out and caring.

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: My story of depression

Postby Spleefy » Sat Oct 12, 2019 8:14 pm

Hi Bandit,

I have been thinking about you and your situation, so thank you so much for the update.

I’m so happy to hear that you have a supportive wife. Life is more bearable when we have loving and supportive people in our lives.

Congratulations on the new job. At least it is something to bring some money in and, hopefully, move your life back in the right direction. It might even give you some hope for the future, which I’m sure you and your family could use tons of right about now.

Baby steps are wonderful, as progress is not made in leaps and bounds but by taking one step at a time.

Believe it or not, you and your wife are an inspiration. It’s so easy to be strong, focused, and have a good mental attitude when our life is going well. But the moment things fall apart, it can all go out the window.

So that is why I say you are both an inspiration. You are enduring a myriad of painful experiences, including loss, grief, financial pressures, and health issues. But you and your wife are persevering. You both have a lot of strength, courage, and determination. This will, in turn, give other people some hope, strength and encouragement for their situations.

Hang in there, and please keep us updated when you get the chance, good or bad. We will be thinking of you and your family.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Bandit
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Oct 01, 2019 2:04 am

Re: My story of depression

Postby Bandit » Tue Oct 15, 2019 12:44 pm

The song Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd was played at my mothers funeral directed at my brothers and I. I haven't listened to it since until it came on my playlist while cleaning the house. It struck as a wave of MASSIVE inspiration as today I've also taken a step in my future. I took a step towards furthering my education in my skillset that will also pay me to work. Confirmation is likely two weeks away however it's the little things that count in these deep dark situations we face as those with depression.

It personally seems like whenever I hit a VERY low point something reminds me of what I've got. It could be lyrics to a song, the wording of signage on the street or the light reflecting off my wedding band catching my eye. Feeling optimistic today.

My wife has been nothing but supportive throughout the entire process of rebuilding. Im truly blessed to have her in my life!! Going to hand write her a letter of thanks for her support hopefully it will help ease her mind too because she fights so hard..

I have got to find a way to maintain the positivity and be more comfortable with myself. It's not easy in such a busy lifestyle transitioning from no children to three!


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