My Journey

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2019 2:48 am

My Journey

Postby Pizza » Fri Sep 20, 2019 5:00 am

Hi all!

When I was in high school, like any guy, I had the biggest crush on this beautiful, smart, kind and generous girl in my high school choir class. She has the prettiest of smiles. She is a year older than myself but that doesn't matter since we are close to the same age. Yet, as fate would have it, I never told her exactly how I felt about her in person - because I felt I was not good enough for her. Growing up, I have known anxiety, depression and panic attacks all too well. I had my near 10 year old dog stolen from me at age 21, which worsened by anxiety and depression and panic attacks. It all caused me to be hospitalized twice and as for my current situation, I am 24 now, I am on a month's leave from work due to anxiety. I hope none of you go through the same pain I am going through.

Pizza :)

Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: My Journey

Postby Spleefy » Fri Sep 20, 2019 6:57 am

Hi Pizza,

Thanks for sharing. In this world, nobody is immune from hardship, even people who are not living with depression and/or anxiety.

Do you wish you had told your high school crush how you felt?

It is challenging to see the good in our hardship or missed opportunities. But if there is one consolation, our experiences (particularly painful ones) are opportunities for us to learn, grow wiser and stronger.

The way I see it, my life would probably have been easier and less painful if I never lived with depression. On the other hand, depression played a huge part in shaping who I am today. Perhaps depression is one of the key reasons why I love to help people. Maybe it made me more sympathetic.

Depression is actually one of the turning points in my life that drove me to turn to Jehovah God. Had I not had depression and hit rock bottom, I don't think I would have turned to God. Now I have Jehovah in my life and there is no looking back. He has opened up my world in more ways than I could have possibly imagined.

I don’t fully know how depression shaped me, but it wasn’t all for nothing. Living with depression and anxiety has given me the opportunity and desire to help other people going through similar experiences. Even if sharing my experiences can help just one other person and save them from a debilitating life of depression or suicide, then living with depression and anxiety for over ten years has been worth it. So nothing is a complete waste of time.

I was also raised in an abusive household. Once again, this is not all for nothing. I can now use those experiences to give other people the love, support, nurture, and protection that I wish I had. If I have a family of my own one day, my experiences has given me the drive to give my family the best life possible and to never repeat what was done to me.

You see, painful experiences can become our strengths and drive us to do great things in life. We just need to find a way to harness the pain and turn it into something positive in our life.

I’m terribly sorry to hear about your stolen dog. I recently bought myself a beautiful pure breed vanilla (golden) Labrador Retriever from a breeder. I’m completely in love with my boy, so I couldn’t imagine anything bad happening to him. He has become my amazing little companion ever since I got him 3 weeks ago. Animals, especially pets, are so therapeutic, aren’t they?

We look forward to hearing more from you and your experiences.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2019 2:48 am

Re: My Journey

Postby Pizza » Fri Sep 20, 2019 12:14 pm

Hello Spleefy,

I agree with you that nobody lives without hardship in this life.
Spleefy, yes I do wish I had expressed to this girl how I felt to her in high school and beyond. Perhaps things would be quite a bit different today had I told her, and I would not be so depressed. Thinking of her and loving her has caused such an unhealthy imbalance in my mind...
But unfortunately, I have to respect that she has a boyfriend now. There is no other way around this. I pray she is happy and that she does find happiness in her life from this point on, as painful as it is for me. You see, I had loved her so much that during one of my hospital stays when I was suicidal, I asked the nurse if she came to visit me. Yes - I was suicidal twice in 2017. The first hospital stay was largely due to stress of a new job, stress from volunteering at my local community policing centre ( I wanted to be a cop at one point), having my dog stolen, the girl, and my parents fighting in the house hold.

The second stay at hospital was due to the fact that I stopped medications because I felt fine and I had relapsed. Again, I wish nobody the kind of pain I have gone through. The only thing that helps me nowadays to cope with depression other than medication is piano playing. Playing the piano has brought me and my imagination to new heights and places I would have never dreamed of. Thank-you for your reply, Spleefy, I appreciate it! :)


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