At Least I'm Alive, I Guess...

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Joined: Fri Aug 16, 2019 1:12 pm

At Least I'm Alive, I Guess...

Postby im-tired-man » Fri Aug 16, 2019 1:44 pm

Hey guys. New to the forum, so I'll share bits and pieces of my story.

Age 28, living with my family, new job working with kids. Single and not looking (but still miserable about it), currently living a sedentary lifestyle outside of work, and otherwise just lonely.

I have been battling with depression for years, the most recent episode being the most difficult as it was accompanied by a break up and a psychotic breakdown. After coming to my senses, I became severely apathetic and recluse. Trapped myself in the house, disconnected from all of my friends, and laid down in my own filth for nearly a year.

Several hospital stays and light suicide attempts later, I've reached some type of level of recovery, but I know for a fact that I am still not 100%. Most of the hobbies that made up my identity have just not interested me. I still have to reach back out to a good handful of my friends (which I'm admittedly hesitant about since I've been away for so long). I feel as though I am doing a terrible job at work, and every time I walk in, I am fighting the anxiety it induces. Dating has not even been an option...and to be honest, I'm still reeling over the last relationship and beat myself up for the mistakes I made leading to the break up. Self-esteem down, energy down, motivation down.

At this point, I'm running out of reasons to live. I'm not quite suicidal (not at the point of needing hospitalization again), but i certainly go about my day in an empty, lifeless fashion, wondering why the universe is even keeping me around.

Looking to restart my medication, in need of a weekend therapist, and trying to meditate in between time.

So with sharing my bit, I am asking for welcomes and prayers. Thank you for reading.

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Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: At Least I'm Alive, I Guess...

Postby Spleefy » Fri Aug 16, 2019 8:57 pm

Welcome to the forums. Thank you so much for sharing a bit about your background and what you are going through.

If it is any consolation, you are definitely not alone with the impact depression has on us. It may help to regularly remind yourself that you are battling depression now, but you will be a depression survivor not all too long.

Reaching out to your friends might be a good idea. What about your family? Do they lend you any emotional support?

You said you live “your day in an empty, lifeless fashion, wondering why the universe is even keeping me around.” This is a very familiar feeling. You are precious to Jehovah God and a gift. You are meant to be here, even if you cannot right now think of that purpose.

Hopefully some of the darkness lifts when you restart your medication, which in turn will give you hope for the future. Meanwhile, have you thought about regular exercise? Exercise is a natural antidepressant. Likewise, nutritious foods will ensure that your body has all the raw materials it needs to synthesize neurotransmitters in adequate amounts.

Hold on to faith that things will get better. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

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Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2018 1:18 pm

Re: At Least I'm Alive, I Guess...

Postby athena.vhd » Sat Aug 17, 2019 5:18 am

hello im-tired-man!
welcome here :D
i undrestand u cuz i was involved with all this feelings about 2 years and i feel it sometime.
i prefer not to even think about what things happend to me and what terrible mistakes iv made.
one friend learned me to make a list named:reasons to live
first u think theres no reason but u will find a lot.
do ur family now about ur depression?

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Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2017 2:47 pm

Re: At Least I'm Alive, I Guess...

Postby froggymom » Tue Aug 20, 2019 2:24 pm

Welcome to the forum! You are a precious creation with purpose and loved by God.You deserve to be happy. Keep up the struggle as difficult as it might be because things can can and do change all the time. I think it is a great idea to get back into therapy.Here are some good resources that might help you in your journey ( ) Sending you positive energy and many prayers.

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