Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

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María
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:53 pm

Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby María » Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:14 pm

Iḿ currently battling with depression and anxiety.
I have great days, good days, bad days and terrible days.
I haven been having terrible days for the past month due to anxiety involving my relationship with my boyfriend. I overthink EVERYTHING and there are days that I think he's not the one, but somedays I know for sure he is. I know this because I felt it before but right now my anxiety is getting worse and I know these thoughts are not my own. Having second thoughts about my partner feel like betrayal but I know that my anxiety is the one doing it.
My doubts increased when I started reading romantic books, I felt that I didn't have that typical romantic story I know it is unrealistic and I know that all those stories about a girl having depression and getting so much better because of a guy is pure lies, but I can't help feel jealous about those love stories, I haven't felt that "sweeping of my feet" sensation and I have to really think that those stories, those characters are fiction, that the relationship that I have is real, that he loves me and takes care of me in his own way.
I have an appointment with psyquatrist in 2 weeks, this is the first time I see one and I'm really excited and I think this is a big step for me and I think this is going to help me overcome my fears and doubts in my relationship.

Spleefy
Posts: 240
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby Spleefy » Tue Aug 06, 2019 6:10 am

Hi María

Thank you for sharing the impact depression and anxiety is having in your relationship.

Did you have depression and anxiety when you met your partner? If not, how did you feel about him pre-depression?

Yes, movies and books are in no way realistic depictions of real world relationships. And depression distorts how we view the world, including ourselves and our relationships. It can make us have unrealistic expectations. I'm not saying that this is or isn't the case in your situation, but it is good that already have an awareness of this.

In reality, no relationship will be perfect--there will be ups and downs. But I think a beautiful and solid relationship is one that is based on someone who will give you loyal love, protection, emotional support, and bring out the best in you. And in a serious relationship, you would also be best friends. You would also make time to be a couple, to have conversations, and to confide in one another.

Obviously, though, this will be relative, as everyone wants different things in a relationship. But I don’t think anyone who is looking for a serious relationship could dispute wanting a partner to give them all those things mentioned above.

Is it realistic? Absolutely!

But, as you identified, your partner loves and cares for you in his own way, even if it may feel like there is something still missing.

Have you tried to communicate this to him?

Perhaps you could tell him how you are feeling. Confide in him. Let him know of your fears and anxieties, so he can be there for you and help you through it. And then maybe you could both sit down over a tea or coffee and make plans to create the relationship that you both want. I think that would be romantic in itself!

I hope it goes how you expect with your therapist. Please let us know how it goes.

j2415
Posts: 64
Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby j2415 » Wed Aug 07, 2019 2:34 pm

Hello,
So sorry you are going through this. I hope after your appointment with your therapist, everything will work out well and you will overcome the fears and doubts in your relationship.
You are in my prayers, please keep us posted.
God bless.

LiveLaughLove2018
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:06 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby LiveLaughLove2018 » Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:28 pm

I am sorry you are struggling. I am glad you reached out for support from this group. It is always helpful to be able to share especially with others who understand the struggle with depression and anxiety. Have you shared with your boyfriend your struggles and concerns? I am glad you are seeing a therapist. Getting professional help is a great step to healing. Also, it is best not to read fictional romance novels, because they are fictional and unrealistic. I used to do that and drive myself crazy to match up to something that is not real. There is no such thing is a perfect relationship. What works is learning how to communicate together and understand each others needs. I also recommend you and your boyfriend watch Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage by Mark Gungor https://bit.ly/2UrFNnr. It really shows the differences they way men and woman think and help with getting relationships into the right perspective. Depression and anxiety has a lot to do with our mindset, what we think about ourselves and our situations, and when we focus on the positive and find the things to be grateful for we can feel better. I will be praying for you. God knows what you need. Hugs

María
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:53 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby María » Wed Aug 07, 2019 5:51 pm

Spleefy, thank you so much for you reply. (I never thought that a forum could help me that much)

I did have anxiety before starting with my relationship, at that time I didn't know but thinking about it, there were red flags, for example I never accepted a date before because I always overthought everything about a guy and made excuses for not going out with them, eventually my boyfrind asked me out and it was different because he was my friend and we go to college together.

I agree with you 100% that depression distorts everything because thinking about the first months of my relationship it was pure magic.
You said that a "solid relationship is one that is based on someone who will give you loyal love, protection, emotional support, and bring out the best in you", my boyfriend is loyal, he protects me, supports me and yes he brings the best of me, but then anxiety kicks in and I start to think: Is he the one? How can I know for sure he is? How would I feel with someone funnier? with someone smarter? with someone who shares their feelings best? And then I freak out.


I tried to communicate this to him but I had trouble explaining myself, after I started reading posts on different forums, I actually begin to identify best my feelings and I will talk to him about it because I understand my thoughts better now. I'm actually talking to him tomorrow so wish me luck!

I'm really grateful for taking the time to reply to me!!!

María
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:53 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby María » Wed Aug 07, 2019 5:56 pm

j2415,
Thank you so much for your kind wishes. I don't have the words to describe how grateful I am for the people that reply or read my post. But I'm more than grateful for your prayers, and of course I'll keep you posted.

God bless you too!

María
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:53 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby María » Wed Aug 07, 2019 6:08 pm

LiveLaughLove2018, thank you so much for your reply.

I am so glad that I reached out for support from this group, it helped me get a different perspective on my issues and thoughts and just realizing that I'm not the only one with this helpes a lot.
I am really glad and excited for my appointment with my doctor. I'm a 5th year medical student and for me to finally realize that I'm struggling with mental health was very difficult.
I know that reading romantic books will not help me but omg I'm a sucker for them but I will try to read different books (I will also take book recommendations if you have one)

I love the video that you posted, I watched it a couple years ago and it is really helpful, I will show it to my boyfriend.

I agree with you that depression and anxiety have a lot to do with mindset and a lot of experts say "change the mindset change the game" but the difficult part is actually changing it and unfortunately, sometimes for people like me, we need a little help with that and that's when medicine takes part.

Thank you so, so much for your prayes and kind wishes!!!
Hugs!

Spleefy
Posts: 240
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby Spleefy » Thu Aug 08, 2019 10:33 am

María

Thank you for sharing more about why you have doubts about your relationship with him.

It sounds like you have an incredible boyfriend. It is very uncommon in this system of things to find a partner who will give you loyal love, protection, emotional support, and bring out the best in you. Those type of people are like rare gems.

Do you know what qualities you want in a man? Do you want him to be funny? Romantic? What do you think would “sweep you off your feet”? I'm not sure if those romantic novels are helping :P

It is good that you are going to discuss this with him again. I believe open communication and honesty with our partners is pivotal for a strong relationship. Good luck, María . Please let us all know how it goes.

LiveLaughLove2018
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:06 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby LiveLaughLove2018 » Sat Aug 10, 2019 8:08 pm

Maria,
It is so great you are looking into the mindset. I agree medication helps but we still need to get the mindset under control. For me praying helps a lot with that and trusting God. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Hugs!

LiveLaughLove2018
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:06 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby LiveLaughLove2018 » Mon Aug 12, 2019 4:04 pm

Hi Maria,
Just thought I would see how you are feeling this week. You continue to be in my prayers. God Bless!

María
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:53 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby María » Mon Aug 12, 2019 10:17 pm

Spleefy, thanks again for replying.
I do have an incredible boyfriend and he actually has a lot of the qualities that I want in a man.
I talked to him on friday and sunday, I opened my heart and told him all about my thoughts and about the blog. He was really supportive and empathetic but he is worried, telling a person that you are doubting your feelings about him can really affect them, so that's why we talked on sunday and we got to a better agreement and we communicated better. We are better now. I had a great weekend and even though it's monday I had a really good day too.

Thank you so much for your interest and concern.
Hugs!

María
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:53 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby María » Mon Aug 12, 2019 10:24 pm

LiveLaughLove2018, again thank you so much for replying.

I know that changing the mindset is the ultimate goal and I will try to get to that point.
Another big issue in my life right now is my espiritual relationship with God. I am catholic and for about a year and a half I have stopped receiving communion, I don't know what happened I just simply stopped. I stopped my communication with god. A few weeks ago I talked to a priest and I confessed after a year and a half of not doing it, it felt good but I'm still feeling that something is missing.

If you have any tips feel free to share them and thank you again for praying for me!
Hugs!

LiveLaughLove2018
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:06 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby LiveLaughLove2018 » Wed Aug 14, 2019 5:48 pm

Maria,

I am so glad you are becoming more aware of your mindset. That is so important. For me my relationship with God is very personal. I was brought up to believe you pray to God and He listens and if we confess to Him; He answers. I trust God with everything in my life. I have learned He is in control and if I just let go He will guide me and give me the strength I need. I know that is different than the way you were taught as a Catholic, but it works for me. This site has some suggestions on understanding the difference between religions and having a personal relationship with God. I think it might be helpful. https://bit.ly/2yNZEFX I will continue to be praying for you and just let me know if you ever want to chat. Hugs and Blessings!

Spleefy
Posts: 240
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby Spleefy » Thu Aug 15, 2019 8:57 am

Hi María,

How have things been? Are things still going well with your partner? Are you still having open communication with him?

Regarding your relationship with God… it can happen to the best of us. Living in Satan’s world along with our own imperfect flesh can place tremendous pressure on our relationship with God.

I personally find regular and frequent communication with God helps me to draw close to him. As it says in James 4:8: “Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you.” Therefore, the more you talk to God, the more he will draw closer to you and the stronger your relationship with him will become.

Christians also serve Jehovah God and put Kingdom interests first. Many people detests when Christians do spiritual work, especially preaching. What they do not understand is that, besides being a scriptural requirement, it is a way to show our loyal love to God, it keeps our relationship with him strong, and it also protects us from becoming distracted by the spirit of the world and Satan’s influences. We also just plain enjoy talking about our loving heavenly Father! We don’t want to be a part of this wicked world. So spiritual work keeps us spiritually focused!

Perhaps you can find ways to render sacred service to our loving God, whether it is to give witness, volunteer to help at your congregation, or even have regular bible studies.

What about spending more time with your spiritual family? One key reason why Christians spend the bulk of their time with other Christians is because “bad associations spoil useful habits.”—1 Corinthians 15:33. LiveLaughLove is correct in that our relationship with God is personal, which is something we are all taught. So we surround ourselves regularly with people who can help us keep our relationship with God strong.

One last thing that you may find useful is to set spiritual goals. While many people have materialistic motivations and goals (career, higher education, money, status, etc.,) we set spiritual goals. We thrive off spiritual food because “happy are those conscious of their spiritual need.”—Matthew 5:3.

These are just a few of the things we do to keep ourselves spiritually strong, remain close to God, and to protect ourselves from the spirit of the world. I hope you find as much value in these as we do.

Regina Quirion
Posts: 15
Joined: Sat Jul 13, 2019 6:18 am

Re: Anxiety and Depression Affecting Your Relationships

Postby Regina Quirion » Fri Aug 16, 2019 4:17 am

That actually can ruin your relationship if you will not treat it right. You can do one thing, you can get a pet or something, I have heard those can save a relationship like anything. Also, the amount of love we give to our pets these days, is equal to that of babies, so like the babies save marriages, pets will save your relationship.


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