I just basically lost the one person who truely understands me yesterday. His name is Michael and we've known each other for two years, but we went out near the end of my junior year. We really connected and it was a perfect time for me, but he broke up with me after three months. So within the next year I barely got to talk with him and with it being my senior year, I was really stressed, sad and lonely. So now he's going to college in Phoenix, but he has been telling me how he is going to have sex with his gf when she visits him from out of stae and it really upsets me.
So he basically told me he's not going to wait for me anymore, for sex, eventhough I wanted him to be my first and how he said he should introduce me to it. And I don't know what to do now.
I'm in a rut. Ever since he told me how he was going to have sex w/his gf, I've been breaking down more. I don't want him to let him go because he is the only one who truely understands me. I've been abused sexually and emotionally while I was growing up from my parents and others. I've been sad all of my life before I met Michael and I really didn't know how bad my situation has been until he showed me kindness. He was the first who I told I was raped and groped and how my family hates each other and I get the worst of it. The reason why everything worked out was that he always knew how to care for me. I mean, whenever I hung out with him, we didn't fight or argue or scream like my parents do at my house so I was happy with him.
But since I was sexually abused, I didn't actually have sex with him. And I thought he would wait. He didn't force me to do anything, which is another reason why I don't want to let him go, because he understood how difficult it is for me to engage into anything sexual. And he is the only one who accepted/accepts me because I'm bisexual and depressed, I just started anitdepressants and talking with a counselor, becuase of my past. Like he was my counselor, best friend, go to person and now he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, I'm pretty sure, and I don't know what to do. And my acedemics are suffering too because I'm depressed. And if I get a low GPA, I'll lose my scholarships and have to move back to my uncomfortable environment called a "home" I'm new at this because the person I usually talk about this stuff with was my friend.
Lonely, in a rut and in college. Please help
Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
Hi aiko and welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry for your situation! You sound like a strong girl, and a survivor; which means that this break-up is something that will be difficult, but you can and will survive as well.
It's a good thing that you are in therapy and started taking antidepressents... I'm curious how long you have been doing these things. Because, although therapy can take a long time to work, the medication generally can take up to a month to make any difference for you. I hope you stick with it, and, if this particular antidepressent is not working, please tell your doctor so a new one can be tried.
I know you are sad about losing your friend. The only friend who you say understands you, but, I know it's hard for you to believe now, there will be people who come along in your life who will understand you as well, aiko. I also know that the thought of Michael having sex with another person hurts you, but please do think about this... one day, when you are emotionally ready for sex, there will be another person there to understand and love you as well. I would advise that you not jump into sex, aiko. Losing one's virginity, or, in your case, having consentual sex for the first time is a very BIG DEAL, even for people who have not been through what you have been through. Please, for your own mental health, wait until you are truly ready before you do it.
This forum is a great place to talk and vent, and receive advice when you need it. Also, there is a chat room connected to the forum, it might be worth it for you to check out. I've been there... very kind and supportive people. Also, I've noticed that no one comes in there with a problem that someone else has not experienced; you will feel less alone.
Keep posting, aiko and please do hang in there. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is worth you failing at school. You are worth succeeding, aiko. If you remember anything.... please remember that.
It's a good thing that you are in therapy and started taking antidepressents... I'm curious how long you have been doing these things. Because, although therapy can take a long time to work, the medication generally can take up to a month to make any difference for you. I hope you stick with it, and, if this particular antidepressent is not working, please tell your doctor so a new one can be tried.
I know you are sad about losing your friend. The only friend who you say understands you, but, I know it's hard for you to believe now, there will be people who come along in your life who will understand you as well, aiko. I also know that the thought of Michael having sex with another person hurts you, but please do think about this... one day, when you are emotionally ready for sex, there will be another person there to understand and love you as well. I would advise that you not jump into sex, aiko. Losing one's virginity, or, in your case, having consentual sex for the first time is a very BIG DEAL, even for people who have not been through what you have been through. Please, for your own mental health, wait until you are truly ready before you do it.
This forum is a great place to talk and vent, and receive advice when you need it. Also, there is a chat room connected to the forum, it might be worth it for you to check out. I've been there... very kind and supportive people. Also, I've noticed that no one comes in there with a problem that someone else has not experienced; you will feel less alone.
Keep posting, aiko and please do hang in there. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is worth you failing at school. You are worth succeeding, aiko. If you remember anything.... please remember that.
Aiko, please do give the antidepressants more time to work, ok? If, after a month you don't feel any better, then talk to your doc about looking for a new one.
I know you are feeling the loss of Michael, Aiko. Only time, I'm afraid, will make that loss sting less. Until then, I hope you keep posting on here for support, and try visiting the chat room connected to the site.
Stay strong, Aiko. There are people out there who will love and appreciate you for the great girl that you ARE.
I know you are feeling the loss of Michael, Aiko. Only time, I'm afraid, will make that loss sting less. Until then, I hope you keep posting on here for support, and try visiting the chat room connected to the site.
Stay strong, Aiko. There are people out there who will love and appreciate you for the great girl that you ARE.
Well, I just switched from crappy antidepressants ealier this week. And I would visit the chat room, but I can't because it won't work on my computer no matter what I do. And the person I usually ask for technical help was Michael, I'm not kidding, and OBVIOUSLY I can't ask him for help.
And if there truely are people out there who love me, then they need to hurry up and talk to me. Because my parents, who are divorced, basically led me to where I am right now. I'm on antidepressants because they yell and belittle each other right in front of my brothers and me and they've been doing that all my life (they got divorced when my brothers and I were little; I still remember my mom being dragged out the front door of our old house by two cops)
My dad never listens or believes what I say. He and my mom have always teased and told me how fat I am and need to lose weight and EVENTHOUGH I've told both of them to stop, they still continued. And my dad lets my older brother, who is 20 now, get away with EVERYTHING he does (he's still living at home going to community college while I'm at a four-year univ) I once caught my older brother having sex while my little brother was in another room in the house. And my dad wasn't home yet, and I didn't know how long that's been going on! And after I told my dad he said, "I'll take care of it" and the girl still comes to the house while my dad isn't home.
And I can't tell anyone that I'm bi, especially my parents, because no one would truely accept me. If my parents knew, they would be disappointed and most likely embarassed because their only girl, and child, who actually has succeed is different and gay.
That's why no one will truely understand and unconditionally love me...
And if there truely are people out there who love me, then they need to hurry up and talk to me. Because my parents, who are divorced, basically led me to where I am right now. I'm on antidepressants because they yell and belittle each other right in front of my brothers and me and they've been doing that all my life (they got divorced when my brothers and I were little; I still remember my mom being dragged out the front door of our old house by two cops)
My dad never listens or believes what I say. He and my mom have always teased and told me how fat I am and need to lose weight and EVENTHOUGH I've told both of them to stop, they still continued. And my dad lets my older brother, who is 20 now, get away with EVERYTHING he does (he's still living at home going to community college while I'm at a four-year univ) I once caught my older brother having sex while my little brother was in another room in the house. And my dad wasn't home yet, and I didn't know how long that's been going on! And after I told my dad he said, "I'll take care of it" and the girl still comes to the house while my dad isn't home.
And I can't tell anyone that I'm bi, especially my parents, because no one would truely accept me. If my parents knew, they would be disappointed and most likely embarassed because their only girl, and child, who actually has succeed is different and gay.
That's why no one will truely understand and unconditionally love me...
Aiko, I don't know your exact age but assume that you must be in your early 20's. I think that my children are probably older than you,so if you want to discount my advice, because of my age, I would understand perfectly.
You don't say what kind of antidrepressant you are on. I am wondering if you might want to go to one of the pharmacutical sites and see just what some of the side effects can be.
I have a litany of mental illnesses and over the years I have taken so many different pills that there is more than a big garbage bag full of them stored away somewhere. Of course they are all way out of date but it just helps me keep in mind how far I have come.
I did make it a practice to check into any new med that I was prescribed.Some physicians are not as up to date on meds that they should be. If you take blood pressure meds, you shouldn't eat grapefuit. I also don't drink hardly any amount at all. I share a cooler a couple of times a years. Usinig alcohol when on most psyc meds is like going out and playing in traffic.
My doctor visits can be a ways apart (too long for me). Often when he ask me "who are things going" I get the deer in the headlights look and babble out something. With my moods so swingy, being so pumped when I finally get in to see him, that he doesn't always get all the info he needs. Know he isn't a mind reader. He can only go on what I tell him.
It seems to help me to keep a little diary and take it in to him. Most days are just a couple sentences but sometimes it can get more involved. If I either read it myself beforehand, or give it to him to read, I think that he gets a more accurate picture of what has been going on in the 3 months since I have seen him last. I have gone away a few times realizing that he didn't get the whole picture then of course, he can't help me. That situation came about because he didn't have enough info on what I was going through then.
Also some alter your libido.
Also make sure if you are on anti-depressants that it doesn't interfere with your method of birth control. The nice thing about finding stuff about these drugs now, you are as close to the info as your are to type in the google site. When I was first taking them I had to hunt around in books.
On the virignity issue. I was married for more than 25 years, had two kids, so there pretty well isn't too much question as to whether I am a virigin or not. If I could have someone wave a magic wand and change my life I think that would be one of the two things at the top of the list. I know that there are people that they are born-again virgins, and people who have resorted to surgery, to get this back.
I am not in the habit of telling people what to do, but this is one that I also feel strongly about. Be absolutely sure when you have sex for the first that that you could replace the words "having sex" to "making love"
I know how someone who is so very important in my life and I wish would be "my first".
There are no do-overs so please make sure you don't rush into something where you could give something very special to somebody and the next week they will have forgotten your phone number.
You don't say what kind of antidrepressant you are on. I am wondering if you might want to go to one of the pharmacutical sites and see just what some of the side effects can be.
I have a litany of mental illnesses and over the years I have taken so many different pills that there is more than a big garbage bag full of them stored away somewhere. Of course they are all way out of date but it just helps me keep in mind how far I have come.
I did make it a practice to check into any new med that I was prescribed.Some physicians are not as up to date on meds that they should be. If you take blood pressure meds, you shouldn't eat grapefuit. I also don't drink hardly any amount at all. I share a cooler a couple of times a years. Usinig alcohol when on most psyc meds is like going out and playing in traffic.
My doctor visits can be a ways apart (too long for me). Often when he ask me "who are things going" I get the deer in the headlights look and babble out something. With my moods so swingy, being so pumped when I finally get in to see him, that he doesn't always get all the info he needs. Know he isn't a mind reader. He can only go on what I tell him.
It seems to help me to keep a little diary and take it in to him. Most days are just a couple sentences but sometimes it can get more involved. If I either read it myself beforehand, or give it to him to read, I think that he gets a more accurate picture of what has been going on in the 3 months since I have seen him last. I have gone away a few times realizing that he didn't get the whole picture then of course, he can't help me. That situation came about because he didn't have enough info on what I was going through then.
Also some alter your libido.
Also make sure if you are on anti-depressants that it doesn't interfere with your method of birth control. The nice thing about finding stuff about these drugs now, you are as close to the info as your are to type in the google site. When I was first taking them I had to hunt around in books.
On the virignity issue. I was married for more than 25 years, had two kids, so there pretty well isn't too much question as to whether I am a virigin or not. If I could have someone wave a magic wand and change my life I think that would be one of the two things at the top of the list. I know that there are people that they are born-again virgins, and people who have resorted to surgery, to get this back.
I am not in the habit of telling people what to do, but this is one that I also feel strongly about. Be absolutely sure when you have sex for the first that that you could replace the words "having sex" to "making love"
I know how someone who is so very important in my life and I wish would be "my first".
There are no do-overs so please make sure you don't rush into something where you could give something very special to somebody and the next week they will have forgotten your phone number.
No matter how enlightened our society says it is, there is no doubt that homophobia still runs rampant out there still.
I don't know where you live but dealing with depression and sexuality concerns, one at a time is a challenge, both means that you have a lot on your plate. Depending on your country, added obstacles can be put in your way.
Several very close friends of mine are gay, and have found comfort in numbers. It is difficult to make the connections with others that are gay. It is not usually something you share with someone the first time that you meet them. Finding someone to share part of your life with is difficult enough. Not knowing whether they like you, or "like you" is a difficult puzzle to solve.
As with most things my friends have differing experiences with coming out. Some have never been able to come out to their parents, at least right out. It is known on both sides, but no one really ever mentions it. There are some that find it easy to come out to pretty well anyone they meet, almost a release. Others find that it is a secret that it is too scary to share with those they love, because they can't be sure of the reaction, it might be rejection.
I always told my kids that I didn't care who they came home with, just so long as they were loved and respected by that person. Personally, I can't figure the logic the other way.
If you are in a larger town a lot of the GLBT centers have confidential phone lines where there are people on the other end, who are trained to help you deal some of the things that concern you. If in a smaller town, thanks to the internet, there are different (make sure that they are reputable) sites to go to where you can raise your special issues at, and hopefully get the help that you need.
I can only imagine what a difficult time that you must be going through. I often say that there are basic human needs. The one I often add though, is the need to feel you belong, at least somewhere.
You have found this site, you belong.
I don't know where you live but dealing with depression and sexuality concerns, one at a time is a challenge, both means that you have a lot on your plate. Depending on your country, added obstacles can be put in your way.
Several very close friends of mine are gay, and have found comfort in numbers. It is difficult to make the connections with others that are gay. It is not usually something you share with someone the first time that you meet them. Finding someone to share part of your life with is difficult enough. Not knowing whether they like you, or "like you" is a difficult puzzle to solve.
As with most things my friends have differing experiences with coming out. Some have never been able to come out to their parents, at least right out. It is known on both sides, but no one really ever mentions it. There are some that find it easy to come out to pretty well anyone they meet, almost a release. Others find that it is a secret that it is too scary to share with those they love, because they can't be sure of the reaction, it might be rejection.
I always told my kids that I didn't care who they came home with, just so long as they were loved and respected by that person. Personally, I can't figure the logic the other way.
If you are in a larger town a lot of the GLBT centers have confidential phone lines where there are people on the other end, who are trained to help you deal some of the things that concern you. If in a smaller town, thanks to the internet, there are different (make sure that they are reputable) sites to go to where you can raise your special issues at, and hopefully get the help that you need.
I can only imagine what a difficult time that you must be going through. I often say that there are basic human needs. The one I often add though, is the need to feel you belong, at least somewhere.
You have found this site, you belong.
Hey again, Aiko! So glad you have made up your mind to wait. Please don't ever say that you are a, "deviant," ok? You are NOT. You're just a bruised and confused young lady trying to figure out your life. You have NOTHING to be ashamnd of, hun. I can promise you that.
What happened to you was NOT YOUR FAULT, I hope you know that.
I definitely agree with Monty that dealing with your past plus questions about your sexuality is a whole lot to deal with at the same time. There are definitely groups out there that you can connect with - there are probably groups of people who have dealt with the same things in their pasts as well.
I hope you do try the chat room connected to the site, if you have not already, lots of really kind and wonderful people go there, Aiko. All genders, heterosexuals, homosexuals, all races, all issues... all connected through depression and/or anxiety. All there for each other in a safe place. ((((Aiko))))
What happened to you was NOT YOUR FAULT, I hope you know that.
I definitely agree with Monty that dealing with your past plus questions about your sexuality is a whole lot to deal with at the same time. There are definitely groups out there that you can connect with - there are probably groups of people who have dealt with the same things in their pasts as well.
I hope you do try the chat room connected to the site, if you have not already, lots of really kind and wonderful people go there, Aiko. All genders, heterosexuals, homosexuals, all races, all issues... all connected through depression and/or anxiety. All there for each other in a safe place. ((((Aiko))))
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georgiapeach
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aiko,
first off welcome here. secondly your parents shouldnt be embarassed of you bc of ur sexuality. im an 18 yr old female who came out at 15, i was punished for six straight months by my father. but now he is proud of me. in time they will get over the fact. you must be honest and love yourself. if you ever need to chat you can pm me if youd like. or it would be a pleasure to have you in the chatroom as well. there are many ppl in there that you can chat with and get advise from. and as for sex wait. its worth it trust me...
first off welcome here. secondly your parents shouldnt be embarassed of you bc of ur sexuality. im an 18 yr old female who came out at 15, i was punished for six straight months by my father. but now he is proud of me. in time they will get over the fact. you must be honest and love yourself. if you ever need to chat you can pm me if youd like. or it would be a pleasure to have you in the chatroom as well. there are many ppl in there that you can chat with and get advise from. and as for sex wait. its worth it trust me...
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georgiapeach
- Posts: 1729
- Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 8:59 pm
- Contact:
((((((((((((((((((((((( Amy ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
ur the best hun!!!!!!!
((((((((((((((((( aiko ))))))))))))))))))))))) please feel free to pm me. if you'd like i can give you my msn and we could chat there if it would help you. i think i could offer a lot of help to you since ive kinda been in ur shoes b4. its ur call though.
ur the best hun!!!!!!!
((((((((((((((((( aiko ))))))))))))))))))))))) please feel free to pm me. if you'd like i can give you my msn and we could chat there if it would help you. i think i could offer a lot of help to you since ive kinda been in ur shoes b4. its ur call though.
I'm sorry, but my parents would probably never get over the fact that I'm bi. My mom grew up in the Philippines and she still has the mind set of still being there so she is old fashion. Like she's not an open minded person at all...neither is my dad.
My dad grew up in Mississippi so he's old fashion too. He gets angry whenever I get a C on my report card in high school. And whenever my highschool sends an automated call to my house saying that I was absent, my dad would never listen to me, eventhough I was in class everyday. And him coming from the south, I'm pretty sure he will be disappointed in me.
My dad grew up in Mississippi so he's old fashion too. He gets angry whenever I get a C on my report card in high school. And whenever my highschool sends an automated call to my house saying that I was absent, my dad would never listen to me, eventhough I was in class everyday. And him coming from the south, I'm pretty sure he will be disappointed in me.
Hi again, Aiko. I'm sorry to hear that about your parents. Fortunately, you are a strong young lady who can get through this, ok?
I hope you take up GeorgiaPeach's offer to listen and support...she's a good girl who can really understand your situation - but we're all here to listen and support as well, ok?
Please tell us more about you, Aiko? What do you like to do for fun?
I hope you take up GeorgiaPeach's offer to listen and support...she's a good girl who can really understand your situation - but we're all here to listen and support as well, ok?
Please tell us more about you, Aiko? What do you like to do for fun?
Sorry I haven't been on for so long. I had to prepare for finals, which I got all C's in my classes which is disappointing because I thought I was doing pretty good up until the point where I started to change.
Well, I like to sleep/rest for fun because I barely have time to rest in the first place. I like to bake and draw, but I just don't have the time or patience to do those things anymore...
Well, I like to sleep/rest for fun because I barely have time to rest in the first place. I like to bake and draw, but I just don't have the time or patience to do those things anymore...
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