Open Book

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Open Book

Postby Sunshine416 » Thu Apr 18, 2019 10:02 pm

Most of the time I think that I am pretty open. Many people know about my anxiety and depression, many people know the many hours of intense therapy I have had to go through, but not many people know about my suicide attempt a few years ago. No one knows that some days I still struggle. Everyone who knows me thinks I am so happy, all the time. I am a college athlete, I am an active member in the church, I have many close friends, but no one knows how much it hurts some days. People talk about people who have killed themselves and they will always say, "they always seemed so happy," or "no one would have guessed they would ever do that." I can't help but think that I was that kid, the popular kid that everyone thought was fine. So much so that I even wrote a paper about suicide being an escape and got a good grade! I told friends when I tried to kill myself, and I was left on read. Maybe I just had bad friends, either way I cannot open up to anyone about these things. Sometimes I get so so close, but I can always tell that people get uncomfortable. So I back away, I hide back into my corner and put on a smiling face.

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Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Open Book

Postby j2415 » Mon Apr 22, 2019 2:57 pm

Hi Sunshine,
I’m very sorry you are going through this. You are free to share your feelings here. I hope you can find the encouragement and support you need to stay better. We are here for you.

Thank you for sharing, I hope to hear from you again. Please stay strong. May God’s peace be upon you. Take care.

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Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2019 6:26 pm

Re: Open Book

Postby Sadinatura » Thu Apr 25, 2019 11:25 am

Hi, Sunshine,
You seem to be feeling really misunderstood, I know what it feels like. And if I don't know directly how it feels, I can imagine how it feels. If you would like to talk to anyone, I would love to chat with you. You are not alone and I hope you know that.

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Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2018 1:18 pm

Re: Open Book

Postby athena.vhd » Tue Sep 24, 2019 10:32 am

hello and welcome here.
i know what u mean it seems that some ppl who are depressed are stronger so they just seem to be happy but they are not.
it doesnt prove u dont have good friends.
maybe they just dont know u well and maybe u have to explain ur feelings to some of them u really trust.
btw hope u get better soon and see u here again.

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Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Open Book

Postby Spleefy » Wed Sep 25, 2019 6:34 am

As the other posters mentioned, we hope you feel comfortable to share more about experiences and feelings on here.

I think it is only natural for people to get awkward or feel uncomfortable when it comes to the topic of suicide. Suicide is a sensitive topic, and many people are not sure what to say when someone says they are suicidal.

Suicide is often treated as a taboo subject. I think this is a mistake. This only exacerbates people’s awkwardness around the normal and common topic of suicide. It also discourages people feeling suicidal to talk about their feelings, especially the disclosure of thoughts or attempts of self-harm--hence, “nobody would have guessed…”.

When I had depression, not a day went by that I didn’t think about suicide. I used to romanticize it—that is, think of the most “romantic” way to end my suffering. When I mentioned to my psychologist and other health professionals that I was suicidal, a question commonly asked was: “do you need me to ring the hospital?”

I wasn’t able to talk freely about my suicidal feelings without the threat of being admitted to hospital for it. This ultimately made me keep that part of my feelings to myself, which made me feel more isolated, alone, and trapped in my own suicidal thoughts 24/7. What these health professionals failed to understand is that discussing suicide is healthy and it should be encouraged.

It may help to give friends reassurance that they can speak freely whenever you mention the topic of suicide.

If they are willing to listen, it may be a good opportunity to raise awareness about suicide by explaining what it is and how it feels—for example, suicide is a normal reaction to unbearable pain. When we feel like there is no other way out and we become overwhelmed, suicide becomes that last resort ticket to free ourselves from the unbearable pain… or whatever suicidal ideation is to you.

Suicide need not be an awkward subject. Death is a part of life… sadly some people will end it prematurely. But with the opportunity to discuss it freely like any other subject, and with love and support, we may be able to give someone reason to live for another day… and another!

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