depressed baby daddy

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, vince13, Maelstrom, Astrid

ladawnabell
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:05 pm

depressed baby daddy

Postby ladawnabell » Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:50 pm

okay, here's my story... I had two ex's. Trevor, and then James. When I was with Trevor, he was the love of my life. our relationship was great. there was nothing i would change. Then he relapsed and started using drugs that i had never experienced before. i didn't handle that very well and i started using also. during this time trevor invitied his friend james to come live with us. He decided. I eventually kicked james out. after 3-5 months of using i broke up with trevor. a few weeks late i ran into james again. I started to fall for james because i felt like i could be myself and he would listen to me. all i wanted was a friend. things didn't turn out that way. everyone thought that james and i were and item. so i said fine. call me whatever you want. then to get off drugs, i took james back to his home in maine. we had a baby girl together. instead of using drugs, james turned to alcohol. he became a verbally and emotionally and somewhat physically abusive. i put up with it for 3 years. last january i came home to cali for the holidays. i ran into trevor at church and he was doing great. he sure looked great. so after i went back to maine we kept in touch. last sept. i finally took my baby and came home for good. i left james in maine. i have since hooked back up with trevor because he treats me like an angel. he does nice things for me just because he knows it would make me happy. he says nice things to me and acts like a loving partner. he also accepts bella in his life. bella went back to maine this past holiday and when i went out there to pick her up i told james that i wanted to be with trevor not with him. now all he talks about is that he has nothing to live for and that he is going to be evicted because his landlord had to file for bankrupcy. the bank is going to take away his apt, and he's homeless in freezing weather. last night he got drunk and his friends had to take him to the hospital physc ward. i can't help but feel like its somehow my fault. If i had just stayed in maine he wouldn't be doing this bad. james and I did well together. when he wasn't working i did and when i wasn't working he did. i still care about james. he is very close to me. he is my baby daddy. i have love for him. i want to help him anyway i can, but i don't know if its my place. i broke his heart. he has 5 other kids he doesn't talk to or pay for. but i don't want his money. i just want him to stop drinking and hurting the people who love him. i want him to know that he is welcome in our lives. he had better be in our lives. hes got a baby who needs his love. James has had a lot of head injurys in his life and i think he needs some real help. how can i find him some help? i kniow he has to take it, but can't i find some help? how do i help him understand that we still need him. i am so stressed out about this whole thing. i am a gemini and all i do is think about the two guys of my life. i love trevor but james is baby daddy. and i do care about him. please give me feedbacl. I don't know what to do. should i call james? or give him time? i wish he would go back to the phsyc ward and get some real help. he says he can do it all on his own and he's got it all under control. he called my mom's cell phone and left an unbelievable message. he said yesterday was nov. 27th!!! he even talked about it with his friends on the phone. is nov, no dec, no jan, no its nov...... every one knows he needs help except him. is there anyway i can help him. his daugher needs him. i want him to be able to see his daughter. if james is like this then he just can't. please help me thanks.

aim
Posts: 974
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2008 4:40 pm
Location: USA

Postby aim » Sat Jan 31, 2009 7:47 pm

Hi ladawnabell... that's quite a situation you have there, I am sorry to hear it. If I were to give advice that you asked for...this would be it.

James needs to help himself. You cannot blame yourself for his problems... drinking causes a lot of depression, and he was doing that before you left him, wasn't he? He is using you leaving him as an excuse to stay in his horrible situation. I know you have love for him, especially since he is your daughter's father, but please remember, he cannot be a father to her until he is well.

Also understand that when someone is in that situation, they need to hit rock bottom and ASK for help. It doesn't sound like James is ready to do that.

All you need to focus on is you and Bella. Sounds like Trevor is a nice guy who was able to turn his life around and that you are happy - that's wonderful. You should be enjoying your new life and not worrying about James.

ladawnabell... release yourself from any guilt you have about James. Chances are, this would've happened with him whether or not you left. I understand you want your baby to have a father, and you are right, you cannot allow her to be around James in the condition he's in. It sounds like you are a very responsible parent who only wants what it best for your daughter. Good for you!

Sometimes a child is better off with one wonderful parent when the other one is in such dire straits. All you can do is pray for him, and contact any family that he has to help him, maybe. You cannot take this burden on your shoulders...sounds like you have enough on yourself.

I hope all works out well for you... Good luck.

User avatar
Warmsoul/Jeanie13
Posts: 29195
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
Contact:

Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Tue Feb 03, 2009 10:51 pm

Hi ladawnabell

A suggestion, with this forum there is a depression chat room. A safe place, where there are chatters that are good at listening and giving support. Understanding people, that really are understanding.

Consider joining, visit if you want or join in and get the support you are needing. You are dealing with so much right now, my thoughts are with you.

Warmie 8)


Return to “Your Story”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 361 guests