Living with Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD. Suffering in Silence

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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EccaEccalyptus
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Sep 25, 2017 4:06 am

Living with Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD. Suffering in Silence

Postby EccaEccalyptus » Mon Sep 25, 2017 4:28 am

I write this today with a great longing and emptiness within myself. My Name is Ecca and I am about to turn 17 soon. When I was young, I was always bullied for all of my public school life. Up until 6th grade when I turned twelve this got the best of me. Not only was I being verbally abused by my EX-Step Father and mother (Yes both sides) I started to develop depression and PTSD symptoms. When 6th grade hit I did manage to keep some friends I had from elementary school. But the bullying did not stop, it only got worse. I was called horrible things, and since my stepmother at the time traumatized me from a recent trip seeing my father this did not make things better. I began to fear people, any age. I took the verbal assaults and fighting threats like a beating. I was afraid to stand up for myself. I cannot recall much of these memories. They are deeply buried in my subconscious mind now due to how awful it was... Well, I assume so. The brain does this to protect sanity. After 6th grade was over I was done. I lost all contact with many many friends and switched to online schooling. I was fine for about a year until I turned 13, I began to have suicidal thoughts. I was also in a very toxic relationship with someone I thought was my best friend for life. Also due to the toxicity of the relationship, I developed early stages of Anorexia and bulimia, a being so terrified to lose this friend because I had no one else. All these memories including some extra awful ones over the years began to take a toll on my mental, spiritual, and physical health. I would sleep all day and night to avoid being awake to deal with anything. I was majorly lonley, and I even started to develop agoraphobia and major social anxiety. Almost every time I left the house for more than three hours I would have panic attacks. And of course, this still happens today. I tried so hard to suppress everything to keep my sanity. Nothing seemed to be working after a while, however. I just moved out of a town I hated living in. But now my depression is getting the best of me yet again. No matter how hard I try, every day is a mental battle. I am sick and tired of living in misery. Silently suffering and not saying anything about it. When I tried to speak with my family and the new friends I have now, they don't even understand what it's like. They say things like "Oh, well maybe you should not live in the past anymore. Or "Well maybe you should get over it" Stuff like that. Those words said to me hurts. I feel as if, if I left this place I won't have to suffer anymore. I perceive myself as a waste of space, I feel bad when people buy me food or take me out to do stuff. Because of agoraphobia, I HATE being outside around a bunch of strangers. I hate that I can't f-ing function like a NORMAL human being like all these other people that somehow can enjoy life. I'm on the ledge again. I need therapy so badly and yet I cannot afford it. I found this nice counseling center thats non-religious, but my mom seems to keep stalling on calling to make an appointment for me. Again, I feel bad about this. I'm too weak to so much as pick up the phone and answer like a normal person, or go out and do errands. I hate having to rely on others to help me because I am so weak in this plane of existence. This is my story. A story of suffering in silence. :( :(

Suzi
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: Living with Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD. Suffering in Silence

Postby Suzi » Mon Sep 25, 2017 12:15 pm

Ecca, Sorry you have dealing with so much pain. Life can be so cruel to teenagers sometimes. I applaud you for reaching out and seeking help. There is so much free help available. Don't think you have to wait for your Mom to make a phone call or take the initiative to get you the help you need. You can go on line and find free resources and caring people. I found this site and it has been very helpful to me in the past. I hope it helps you too. Please know that I believe your life is not over. I believe you can heal from your past and find purpose and joy.
http://bit.ly/2hcTFzT

Jstar845
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2017 7:45 pm

Re: Living with Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD. Suffering in Silence

Postby Jstar845 » Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:47 pm

Hello, Thanks for reaching out today for support and I’m glad to support you. I’m very sorry to hear about your experiences and I know that you don’t deserve this. Do you currently live with your parents?. I’m wondering if there is an adult you can talk with about the abuse you experience by your parents such as, school counselor, family member, pastor and etc.?. I know your life is worth the fight and your life is very valuable. I admire your strength and how you handled this situation. I would like for you to call 911 immediately if you feel suicidal. Additionally, call one of these numbers if you need someone to talk to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It’s a 24- hour confidential hotline. They can talk to you when you feel this way and help with preventive measures. Also, you can call; The Samaritans it’s a 24-hour confidential hotline at (212) 673-3000. They help through anything. Hugs and we are here for you. Please try some of these for coping. 1. Take a time-out- Practice yoga, listen to music, meditate, get a massage, learn relaxation techniques. Stepping back from problems helps clear your head.
2. Exercise daily- makes you feel good and maintains your health.
3.Slowly count to 10- Repeat and count to 20 if necessary.
4.Accept that you cannot control everything
5.Give back to your community- Volunteer. This creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress.
6.Talk to someone-vent and let them know you need help. Friends, family, doctor, therapist
7.Eat well-balanced meals- Do not skip meals and eat energy boosting snacks.
8.Take deep breathes- Inhale and exhale slowing throughout the day when you are feeling stressed.
9.Do your best- Instead of aiming for perfection which is not possible. Be proud of how close you get.
10.Maintain a positive attitude- Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
11.Write in a journal.

Suzi
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: Living with Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD. Suffering in Silence

Postby Suzi » Thu Oct 05, 2017 3:27 pm

How are you doing Ecca?


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