Advice needed desperately (Long story)

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Anonymous435
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 6:46 pm

Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby Anonymous435 » Tue May 30, 2017 6:53 pm

Hey so I’d like to share my story. I was thinking of leaving some stuff out but I’ve decided to throw everything in just to be honest. I am currently a 16 year old boy with a pretty good life. I have good friends, on my school’s track team, so yeah not much bad stuff. The reason why I have a lot of anxiety and depression is my fault only. First let me explain what happened. When I was around 13 - 14ish, that is when I was very curious sexually, and didn’t have very good morals. So let me get this out of the way, the rundown of stuff that I did (that I can remember) took photos up girls skirts and of their butts, filmed my aunt changing, masturbated to pictures of girls from school and put pre cum on a girl’s water bottle. God, it took me like 5 minutes to write that stuff down because I’m afraid to speak of it because it makes me sick. I seriously do not know what was going through my head at the time, because thinking back, this stuff makes me sick. Oh yeah, I also showed myself naked on a website similar to Omegle. So yeah, basically I was a psycho piece of shit when I was 14. But here is the thing, I have mostly forgiven myself. I realize that I was a f****** stupid kid who didn’t know anything, and I have forgiven myself. And before anybody says that what I did was unforgivable, believe me, I went through hell trying to forgive myself. But the problem now is that I fear of what other people will think of me. Thoughts constantly roll through my head such as “what if people ask me if I have any regrets? Or if they ask me what’s the worst thing I’ve done? Should I lie? Nah those questions will never come up, but what if they do? Maybe I should see a therapist, but what if people ask if I have ever seen a therapist and I will have to share my story???” Etc. etc. etc. These thoughts and more constantly take up space in my head. I just worry about having to tell people eventually and them thinking differently of me. The part that angers me the most is that I feel like I am a COMPLETELY different person now than I was 2 years ago. Now I have great respect for women (I even feel bad just for looking at a girl’s butt, or hearing someone make a comment about a girl), I now have good morals (thinking about waiting until marriage to have sex) and I just believe that I am now a respectable person all around. Honestly, I feel like I’ve been a pretty good person my whole life. Never got into trouble, never did anything bad, never partied or did drugs etc., so I ask myself, WHY DID I DO THAT STUPID DISGUSTING PERVERTED SHIT BEFORE??? I honestly do not know. It also makes me sad because I feel that this has deeply affected my later life because this has constantly been on my mind FOR 2 FREAKING YEARS. Before I wanted a girlfriend so badly, now I am afraid that I will eventually have to tell her this. As you can see I am kind of a mess right now, but I am trying to keep myself together. Please just give me some advice, and not just “Stop beating yourself up and forgive yourself” that doesn’t answer my question. If you want to throw insults, I deserve it completely. If you want to ask specific questions to understand what I am saying better, feel free. I just really need to have a discussion about this, thanks for giving your time to help me. I honestly hate thinking about myself over others so this is difficult for me.

littlestarsmum
Posts: 93
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 11:36 pm

Re: Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby littlestarsmum » Wed May 31, 2017 12:50 am

I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles, friend. I appreciate your courage and willingness to share so openly here. You’re not the only person going through this and you don’t need to be hard on yourself. My brother had a lot of issues and he’s completely healed now. In situation like yours, I believe there is no substitute for one-on-one interaction with a caring professional counselor. A qualified professional would be in an excellent position to offer support and help you to cope with your difficulties. You can’t change your past, but you can change your negative thoughts. Don’t dwell in your past and don’t let it dictate your future. I know it’s not easy, but I do believe there’s hope for a bright future. Please get help soon. Sending prayers and wishing you well!

Anonymous435
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 6:46 pm

Re: Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby Anonymous435 » Wed May 31, 2017 6:39 pm

littlestarsmum wrote:I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles, friend. I appreciate your courage and willingness to share so openly here. You’re not the only person going through this and you don’t need to be hard on yourself. My brother had a lot of issues and he’s completely healed now. In situation like yours, I believe there is no substitute for one-on-one interaction with a caring professional counselor. A qualified professional would be in an excellent position to offer support and help you to cope with your difficulties. You can’t change your past, but you can change your negative thoughts. Don’t dwell in your past and don’t let it dictate your future. I know it’s not easy, but I do believe there’s hope for a bright future. Please get help soon. Sending prayers and wishing you well!


Thank you so much for replying, it really means a lot to me. I have been considering talking to a counselor or something similar, but I just don't know if I can. For that to happen I would have to at least tell my family this, which is something I really do not want to do.

j2415
Posts: 64
Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby j2415 » Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:14 am

I’m sorry that you are going through this. Do you have a mentor or spiritual adviser that can help you deal with this issues? It’s also helpful if you will seek professional counselor.

We all deal with regrets and sometimes we hold onto it. It reminds us of our past mistakes and keeping us from our future. But we should not let regrets control us and we cannot control what others will think towards us. I would like to encourage you to let go of the past, you are a changed person now so keep on moving forward. Moving forward is easier said than done, but I have faith that no matter how difficult the situation is, it will be alright if will not give up.

Praying for you that you will feel God’s love and comfort as you go through this, you will trust Him as He leads you in the right path and praying that He will help you to let go of the past completely. Thank you for sharing.

Von
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2017 4:18 pm

Re: Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby Von » Thu Jun 01, 2017 4:53 pm

Please do not let this haunt you for the rest of your life. I too have many regrets about things I feel ashamed of since I was 15 and it has haunted me right up until this year at 35 years old

What changed for me was that I actually spoke to a therapist and poured it all out. All the bad things i done and how it had shaped me and my life. She helped me understand where all of my behaviours came from and it was not all my fault. Do know what I don't feel angry anymore and I've actually forgiven myself

Try talking to someone qualified- just get it all out in the open- it helped me

Anonymous435
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 6:46 pm

Re: Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby Anonymous435 » Thu Jun 01, 2017 5:39 pm

Von wrote:Please do not let this haunt you for the rest of your life. I too have many regrets about things I feel ashamed of since I was 15 and it has haunted me right up until this year at 35 years old

What changed for me was that I actually spoke to a therapist and poured it all out. All the bad things i done and how it had shaped me and my life. She helped me understand where all of my behaviours came from and it was not all my fault. Do know what I don't feel angry anymore and I've actually forgiven myself

Try talking to someone qualified- just get it all out in the open- it helped me

Thanks man, this really helped because it's nice hearing from someone who has gone through the same thing. I am actually starting to feel a bit better, but if I start to feel really depressed again then I think I will see a therapist. My problem isn't self forgiveness, I have already forgave myself. It's the fear of eventually having to tell others about it, like if somebody asks me a question related to it, examples being "Do you have any regrets?" "Is there anything difficult you went through?" "Have you ever been depressed?" These thoughts go through my head a lot and give me anxiety. I know it's probably stupid because I have never been asked any of these questions before and I know that I don't HAVE to tell anyone. What's making me feel better now is just trying to laugh at it and just focus on how I have grown because of it and learned from it. Thinking like this has made the regrets seem less intense, therefore less important news to talk to people about. Sorry dude I'm rambling, haha thanks so much for commenting!

sultan
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:20 pm

Re: Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby sultan » Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:41 pm

Hi my dear. First of all I would really appreciate that you came up with an issue that almost every other guy is having but not everyone has courage to stand against self to correct. Every one is a lawyer in its own case and gives space to self but becomes a judge and give decisions in cases of others , So Thumps up first to stand !!!!
Regarding your issue I would tell you that I personally have been through such issue but now I am right out of this Regret and I would try my best to help you
My dear Realization is very important and merly a blessing of God . It can't be earned or bought .You got a sense of Realization about your past , you don't even know how priceless is this feeling. Not everyone have it , Believe me. Since you have got this feeling Now Time to Act . Do the following
1- Try to find people whom you have hurt in any way and seek Forgiveness from them . This way your regret will get lower or diminish
2- Further Seek Forgiveness from God by Contacting God. Yes you can Contact God by Focusing
3- Method of Focus is - Close your eyes and Empty your mind with all thoughts and feel that God is Watching you , loving you and showering its blessings on you. When you get this feel then Call God in heart with extreme love Three times like you call your MOM with love and then in your heart seek Forgiveness from God for all your improper acts. After that open your eyes . And Automatically you will feel light .
4- Last but not the least - Everyone has Past ...And no one is Angel
I have been treated long back by this Method and now I am trying to help others for past several years. May God Bless you

Anonymous435
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 6:46 pm

Re: Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby Anonymous435 » Thu Jun 01, 2017 11:01 pm

sultan wrote:Hi my dear. First of all I would really appreciate that you came up with an issue that almost every other guy is having but not everyone has courage to stand against self to correct. Every one is a lawyer in its own case and gives space to self but becomes a judge and give decisions in cases of others , So Thumps up first to stand !!!!
Regarding your issue I would tell you that I personally have been through such issue but now I am right out of this Regret and I would try my best to help you
My dear Realization is very important and merly a blessing of God . It can't be earned or bought .You got a sense of Realization about your past , you don't even know how priceless is this feeling. Not everyone have it , Believe me. Since you have got this feeling Now Time to Act . Do the following
1- Try to find people whom you have hurt in any way and seek Forgiveness from them . This way your regret will get lower or diminish
2- Further Seek Forgiveness from God by Contacting God. Yes you can Contact God by Focusing
3- Method of Focus is - Close your eyes and Empty your mind with all thoughts and feel that God is Watching you , loving you and showering its blessings on you. When you get this feel then Call God in heart with extreme love Three times like you call your MOM with love and then in your heart seek Forgiveness from God for all your improper acts. After that open your eyes . And Automatically you will feel light .
4- Last but not the least - Everyone has Past ...And no one is Angel
I have been treated long back by this Method and now I am trying to help others for past several years. May God Bless you

Thanks a ton for responding to me. Your words have really opened my eyes in a way. I guess realizing my past mistakes is actually a good thing so that I can learn from them and minimize similar mistakes in the future. Responding to your first step, I don't really have anybody to ask forgiveness from, as most of the people involved with what I did were strangers. Along with the fact that the people I did those things to have no idea about it, so nobody was actually hurt, I just feel bad for doing it. My main problem isn't about forgiving myself, it is how I worry that I will eventually have to tell people about my story, which I do not want to do because I don't want people to think I am a terrible person for my past, disgusting mistakes. Responding to the other steps, you know I have never been religious, but I do think that it is a good thing, a thing that I would be willing to try. I have always wondered what draws people to religion so closely, so maybe if looking to God makes me feel better, I can understand why. Thanks again for your response, very much appreciated.

sultan
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:20 pm

Re: Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby sultan » Thu Jun 01, 2017 11:20 pm

That's great !!! As far as your Fear is concerned . It's very simple

1- No need to share your past with everyone as it is not something to be discussed. If someone asks you generally tell that No there is nothing in my life to Regret. Why ? Because there is a saying that Who ever meets you is actually not your friend. So simple answer no there is no Regret in my life. There will be only one special come in your life with whom you can share everything. So wait with patience for that special and that special person will accept you with all your negativities.

2- As you will progress in life you will face more important issues in life and these things what you have discussed will fade away as a past memory. So Forgetting things is Actually a blessing of God because if we remember everything then our life will become hell as our past will come in front of our eyes and haunt us

3- I am not a Religious person but I have learnt from My teacher that God is the Need of our Mind , Soul and Body . This feeling of Presence of God actually calms and soothes my nerves that God is there to help me.Ultimately I don't feel alone.

Helloraspberries1
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Sat Jun 03, 2017 11:10 am

Sorry to hear that.

As others have said we all make mistakes. I'm glad you realised some of things your not proud of cuz that shows you want to change and get help.

I don't know your past or what happened but you can only change how things are now then what it use to be. We all have regrets but we're human. Just learn from them.

Your a grown up now and will act like one now. Keep up with the good work.

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vega
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Re: Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby vega » Sun Jun 04, 2017 7:59 pm

I don't know if it means anything, but I'm a 14 year old female and I very much understand what youre going through. The anxiety and stress of "what if". Dwelling on why you did the things you did. My ocd is a professional on doing this sort of stuff to me haha.

Thing is, I really do believe you should see a professional. Not because anything is wrong with who you are, you are not a bad person. But talking and feeling safe with a professional is a good thing to do. Youll be helped with these "why's" and "what ifs" that seem to be taking a really bad toll on you mentally.

As for the girlfriend thing, what you talk about or go through is truly your business. You aren't obligated to tell your future partners about what you did, or any therapy you received. You can tell future friends or significant others that you aren't comfortable talking about it, and if its not something they can respect and leave alone, I do not believe its a relationship worth keeping.

Honestly, if you need somebody to talk to about this who has a more,, relatable? point of view on this I'm always willing to let somebody vent or help out

But a therapist is somebody who's more able to help you overcome these thoughts and anxiety.

Anonymous435
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 6:46 pm

Re: Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby Anonymous435 » Sun Jun 04, 2017 9:11 pm

vega wrote:I don't know if it means anything, but I'm a 14 year old female and I very much understand what youre going through. The anxiety and stress of "what if". Dwelling on why you did the things you did. My ocd is a professional on doing this sort of stuff to me haha.

Thing is, I really do believe you should see a professional. Not because anything is wrong with who you are, you are not a bad person. But talking and feeling safe with a professional is a good thing to do. Youll be helped with these "why's" and "what ifs" that seem to be taking a really bad toll on you mentally.

As for the girlfriend thing, what you talk about or go through is truly your business. You aren't obligated to tell your future partners about what you did, or any therapy you received. You can tell future friends or significant others that you aren't comfortable talking about it, and if its not something they can respect and leave alone, I do not believe its a relationship worth keeping.

Honestly, if you need somebody to talk to about this who has a more,, relatable? point of view on this I'm always willing to let somebody vent or help out

But a therapist is somebody who's more able to help you overcome these thoughts and anxiety.

Thank you so much for your response. You have no idea how good it feels to hear this from somebody my age, especially a girl. I have honestly been feeling a bit better for the past few days, with the responses I've been getting from this helping a ton. But I think you're right, to really kill this demon in me I guess I maybe should see a professional. As for talking about this more, I would be totally down to talking to you about it, only if you're up for it haha, let me know if you are. Thank you so much again for responding, it's nice hearing that somebody my age understands.

alliam
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2017 1:25 am

Re: Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby alliam » Mon Jun 05, 2017 2:51 am

While I'm not even close to your moms age, maybe more your grandmas age...I hope my reply helps somewhat.
Pretty sure I have never met a single soul thus far in all my years that doesn't have a not so glamorous moment in their life.
Its a live and learn life all the way until we are gone. Sounds like you learned from your experience and so long as you don't repeat it , you can now live. It would be so nice if we could have that little sensible voice screaming at us every time we are about to mess up. But since we don't we just have to hope that its never anything too hard to recover from.
You're very young , going to make mistakes and plenty of them. Learn from them and don't kick yourself too hard every time they happen.

NormanTChavez
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Joined: Tue Jul 18, 2017 6:17 am

Re: Advice needed desperately (Long story)

Postby NormanTChavez » Tue Jul 18, 2017 6:21 am

Touched!


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