How forgotten abuse can impact your life...
Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 12:04 pm
Confusion, anger, isolation, self harm etc.. i could go on forever about the different emotions and Stages that i went through after suffering from abuse by someone that you automatically are supposed to love & trust. When molestation/rape happen inside a close knit african american family, it could go either two ways. The first way is 1. Believe the victim, report the abuser and be there to emotionally and mentally support for the victim. or 2. Ignore the victim, deny the abuse happen, allow the abuser to walk free to harm someone else because (like you)they are "family". & You cant turn your back on family....
I was under the category of number 2. I was ignored, neglected, and had to still interact with my abuser. It gotten to the point where i had a hard time remembering numbers. So days, months, years went by and so did my memories of my abuse. It work for a while, you know being oblivion to a traumatic time that alter my life and perceptions. But when i started to show unexplained signs of anger, mental illness, and onset early on unhealthy attachment to sex then i started to blame myself. For awhile, well actually until i turn 15, i blame myself for reasons unexplained. I started to get fuzzy details on events that i thought i long ago discarded. I became reclusive, hostile, depressed and then by 16 i remembered everything. & it would hurt me because what i remembered the most was the after reaction to when i finally disclosed my abuse with my mom and aunt(abuser mother). at such a young age, where innocence should always be protected, i was taught a disgusting lesson about the power of your voice. I always had a problem explaining myself or avoid confrontational scenarios but never knew why. But now i know, when you speak out and noone is there to listen then why speak at all? Who do you matter to? Why should anyone care about you or what you have to say? But im done being that person, my voice is powerful. my story must be heard. Even if no one is there to listen. I can reach someone who went through similar events, someone who is also unwilling to speak out. You matter!
*Trigger Warning* Im going to attach a audio clip of me talking about the Confusion Stage and a more emotional input on my abuse, who abuse me, how my 'mother' and 'aunt' reacted to my voice, and what cause my mental breakdown a couple months back...
*TRIGGER WARNING- https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bxkfto ... =drive_web * (i alter my voice pitch to keep my anonymity)
I was under the category of number 2. I was ignored, neglected, and had to still interact with my abuser. It gotten to the point where i had a hard time remembering numbers. So days, months, years went by and so did my memories of my abuse. It work for a while, you know being oblivion to a traumatic time that alter my life and perceptions. But when i started to show unexplained signs of anger, mental illness, and onset early on unhealthy attachment to sex then i started to blame myself. For awhile, well actually until i turn 15, i blame myself for reasons unexplained. I started to get fuzzy details on events that i thought i long ago discarded. I became reclusive, hostile, depressed and then by 16 i remembered everything. & it would hurt me because what i remembered the most was the after reaction to when i finally disclosed my abuse with my mom and aunt(abuser mother). at such a young age, where innocence should always be protected, i was taught a disgusting lesson about the power of your voice. I always had a problem explaining myself or avoid confrontational scenarios but never knew why. But now i know, when you speak out and noone is there to listen then why speak at all? Who do you matter to? Why should anyone care about you or what you have to say? But im done being that person, my voice is powerful. my story must be heard. Even if no one is there to listen. I can reach someone who went through similar events, someone who is also unwilling to speak out. You matter!
*Trigger Warning* Im going to attach a audio clip of me talking about the Confusion Stage and a more emotional input on my abuse, who abuse me, how my 'mother' and 'aunt' reacted to my voice, and what cause my mental breakdown a couple months back...
*TRIGGER WARNING- https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bxkfto ... =drive_web * (i alter my voice pitch to keep my anonymity)