Here's my story

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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TerriK
Posts: 16
Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2017 12:09 pm
Location: Hawaii

Here's my story

Postby TerriK » Mon Mar 06, 2017 6:54 pm

I can say I've been to hell and back and mean it! I was married 17 years. I had a great house, 2 kids, 3 cats, 2 roosters and a dog. Lol. And then there's my husband. I like to say he was a Ken doll. All looks and no real heart. I spent 17 years as loyal as they come. I worked full time always. I did all the housework, all the shopping, cooking and dishes. Did all the laundry and shuttled my kids to school, babysitter and etc. my hubby.... was always off playing some sport with his buddies, in between getting fired from jobs because he was always high! I didn't do drugs. I lost all sel-esteem and was horribly co-dependent. Then he introduced a drug that I tried once and I couldn't stop. We spent hours upon hours together doing them. Foolish me thought we were "closer than ever" because we spent so much time together. I was even more surprised when I began to hallucinate, became irrational, my moods went straight up and straight down and I ended up in a psych ward. I was diagnosed Bipolar 1 Disorder. Imagine my surprise. Oh, but that's not the kicker yet.... my adorable hubby turned me into CPS and one morning took my two kids and drove away. This, the day after my entire family (parents, sisters, brother, nieces and nephews) had left the island and moved back to the mainland..... I was all alone. I had no home, no kids, no in laws. I was alone. I slept in my car in the middle of a sugar cane field in my car. I prostituted to get money to eat. I finally hit rock bottom after virtually killing myself (I was revived). I got help. I pulled myself up, moved islands, gave up drugs (17 years clean), got killer job at $60+ and.... got my kids back! Asked for no child support and loved my life. Then, after walking my brother through his final journey in life (lung cancer) I worried about mom and dad. My sisters are clueless in life and would not be able to care for them. I moved mom and dad from Colorado here to Honolulu to live with me. I was really happy as my dad and brother were always my sweeties! Then dad got sick. I was overwhelmed trying to do all I could to keep him here on earth and do a very stressful management job at a major hospital. Then.... I got a new boss who felt women were inferior. He pushed... and pushed... I snapped! My dad died a month later. I crawled in bed and didn't crawl out essentially for 3 months. 40 pounds lighter and right back full blown Bipolar 1 Disorder. I'm accepting my life change. I can't work. I can't be depended on for anything. Even my doctors fire me as a patient because I can't get out of bed. My oldest son ... he broke my heart a few months ago telling me to "take my Bipolar ass and get out of his house". I wanted to die. Now I am cut off from my son and my four beautiful grandkids. My youngest son is my champion! He makes sure I eat and sits and talks with me each day (he still lives with me). I am worried. He plans to move to Japan next years. I am scared. I honestly fear I may end up ending my life without his joy in my life. I've nothing else to live for.

JkBrauer
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Mar 07, 2017 1:27 pm

Re: Here's my story

Postby JkBrauer » Tue Mar 07, 2017 2:26 pm

Hi Terri,

I am sorry to hear how life has dealt you a bad hand, but you know, there is a purpose why we each have the hardships that we do. Going through hard and difficult times continues to build our character and person we are meant to be. Have you heard the story about the carpenter? There was a man who had it all, life could not be going any better. He had built his own business, he had power, family and friends, traveled....Life was just wonderful! Then in one week something went terribly wrong. Stocks collapsed, his business fell, his friends left. He stopped by to get a drink and he kept on drinking w/o thinking. He became angered, and violent. He started to drive his family a way. He was on his way home from work one evening that week and saw that his beautiful home was burning down. He lost some of his family in the fire and his wife and one son were hospitalized with burns and smoke damage. The doctors were hopeful for the two of them.
The carpenter watched his wife and son sleep side by side. Hanging on to the hope the doctors had given to him. To his astonishment, he ended up losing them both. Life just came and choked everything he had away from him.
After he all his drowning his sorrows and running away, he had to face himself once and for all. (Sometimes we are our worst enemy), with only his clothes on his back, he had to decide how he was going to live the rest of his life. He was a smart man, he knew how build in more ways than one. Yet, he had no money! He decided he has two hands, he can use these hands to build. He went to the back or side of lumber stores in search of the right wood. He scouted around construction sites looking for scraps and unwanted tools that he could use. He started to build a collection, he found an old hammer head w/o a handle, scraps of crumpled up sand paper...eventually he was able to repair that old hammer head and make a new handle out of the old scrap of wood. That hammer became his most treasured tool. Because he had been lost and he found something that was left for garbage, he just chose to give it a little (TLC) and that hammer had a purpose once again, and that had given hope and purpose to the carpenter's life once again. No matter where life takes you, never give up! There is always hope! Put one foot in front of the other.

TerriK
Posts: 16
Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2017 12:09 pm
Location: Hawaii

Re: Here's my story

Postby TerriK » Tue Mar 07, 2017 6:25 pm

Thanks for the encouragement. I do feel that God had a wonderful purpose for me through my journey. What I didn't say was that my husband was verbally abusive and cheated on me continuously, yet I clung co-dependently to him. I believe God planned for me to find myself and my strength through divorce. I have come to see my worth from the heart and have actually had several good relationships and turned down marriage proposals. I no longer needed to be with someone who I didn't feel was who would make me happy and I them. My desperation was gone. Having it all and being homeless humbled me. I love the heart that I share now with others. Often, I will buy meals for homeless, or a bag of sandwiches and pass them out to those with nothing. It makes me smile. When I hear "God bless you". I am so happy to easily reply "he already has". I fought hard, overcame addiction, regained my pride and got my kids back and went back into my professional field and thrived. God truly had a reason for my path on the journey. Now, I believe he wishes for me to place my trust in him. To form a closer relationship. While I feel broken at times, I know God isn't finished with me yet. When my Bipolar becomes overwhelming I talk to the Lord. I find peace. While I am not certain of this journeys intent, I am alive. I have people who love me and I love them. I think I'm gonna kick back, slow down and take the time to really look at all the world around me. I know there's a purpose for my journey and I have faith that I will be okay. We are all different. This is who I am. That's okay.

JkBrauer
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Mar 07, 2017 1:27 pm

Re: Here's my story

Postby JkBrauer » Mon Mar 27, 2017 11:35 pm

Terri K,
I am so encouraged to hear how you are responding and how you are moving forward!
"God Bless You!"

TerriK
Posts: 16
Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2017 12:09 pm
Location: Hawaii

Re: Here's my story

Postby TerriK » Tue Mar 28, 2017 3:54 pm

JkBrauer wrote:Terri K,
I am so encouraged to hear how you are responding and how you are moving forward!
"God Bless You!"

TerriK
Posts: 16
Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2017 12:09 pm
Location: Hawaii

Re: Here's my story

Postby TerriK » Tue Mar 28, 2017 4:01 pm

Aloha and good morning. The sun is shining and I can feel it's warmth. The birds are singing a joyful tunes. Each, with their own unique voice. Just as each of us lends our unique voice to this world. I am encouraged by all that God has provided me. He gives me challenge to make me strong to overcome them. He made me hunger to learn to work to feed myself. While I am alone and pray I will not be for my remaining lifetime, I must trust in Gods plan and be patient. I've impatiently tried to jump the gun in the past and it didn't turn out so well. I think I'll patiently wait for Gods plan for me. I bet it will be awesome!

Helloraspberries1
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: Here's my story

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Sat Apr 01, 2017 4:41 pm

Glad you feel that the day has helped. How you feeling in yourself? It's good your looking at something positive.

God can impact on alot of people's lives. When you need help or are suffering God Is the person to look up to. You feel safe with him.

Let him know how you feel. You may find it hard talking to someone but God is always there. Please reach out to him.

Think of all the positives. Let nature take its cause. Try not to feel unworthy cuz you are worthy.

I hope that helps.


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