Depression Understood Forums

Hi everyone,

I have visited this forum to try and determine exactly what I am dealing with.

To give you a bit of background, I am an Englisham living in my home city in the north of my country. I have had it in my mind for some time, years in fact, that I am suffering from a form of depression and this is what I am trying to figure out.

I have a well paid job, or at least it is as far as our local wages go. This has enabled me to go on a holiday of a lifetime recently, and I am working towards a target that I will use to travel the world in 2017.

Everything should be aces, but it isn't.

For instance, I am lacking genuine motivation to do anything. My life is split between work and socialising. Anyone who knows about our culture knows that a large part involves drinking.

I drink a lot, but I don't even consider it a problem in the alocohlic sense; I just love a beer. Alcohol keeps me occupied. I work horrible shifts so a lot of the time I am off when my friends work. I have a lot of friends and surround myself with good people. Maybe this part, the drinking aspect, of my lifestyle needs to change.

Recently I met a girl, and she is awesome. She's focused, driven, knows what she wants from life, and I sat there so pleased for her whilst at the same time comparing myself and thinking, I should have that but I don't.

I worry for the future. About where I will be, what I will do. What state my country will be in if we don't leave the EU and exercise our right to self-determination. It is a rut I don't seem to be able to dig myself out of.

I started boxing over a year ago. I have won every fight I have been in. When the fights are over, I drink to celebrate, and then I get bored. Boredom hammers me. Maybe this is something that needs looking at.

Suicide has crossed my mind twice. I'd never contemplate it as a genuine solution because I love life, but I'd be lying if I said it had never entered my mind.

So, I have something to aim for, I am actually working towards something, I always gave money in my pocket, the potential to get to know a gorgeous girl, and I still aren't content or happy.

That can't be right, can it?

Welcome RedRobin.

I can relate with sometimes feeling like something is missing in life and usually we tend to check the "checklist" money? friends? relationship? But sadly sometimes even having those things doesn't fill the void that is left. I think in such cases the cause may be deeper than we know.

Have you considered seeking counseling? Maybe getting another opinion on whats going on and them perhaps help you dig a little deeper to see if there is a cause?

I think its great that you are boxing and excelling at it, its a great way to get rid of some pent up frustrations imo. The drinking, well if I were in your situation I'd see if I were able to stop on my own (granted its safe). Or I'd ask myself, why do I feel the need to drink? Or, are there particular times where I feel the need? I have done this myself when looking things I do to cope that aren't healthy. Hope it helps.

Thank you for sharing your story and I hope you are doing well.

I think a lay persons depression might be why do I feel this way when objectively I know there are people with bigger problems?

We can't control our feelings or motivations. And I don't think there is a universal way to do that. We all need to work on our own path.

That is the reason I post here ... to keep track and look for deeper meanings in all the posts that I put on here.