Depression Understood Forums

I am sure my story is not new.

I have been low level depressed all my life. The last few years, it's worse. Severe. Now, I spend my day reading about suicide. My business is dying. The woman I love, who lives in my home, has rejected me and is pregnant with another guy's kid. He is just a kid, aged 23; he has abandoned her. She will terminate the pregnancy and I will pay for it.

She is much younger than I am: sexual attraction is a funny thing and there's no rhyme or reason to it. In in my mid 50s; she's in her mid 30s. I fall in love maybe once every 10, 20 years. She is it, the one. I know this at my age. And she won't have me. I'll never love again. And that's unbearable. I need love. Touch. Sex. Company.

I tried drugs. Heroin is a great antidepressant. But it's no long term solution. Now I am on methadone, prescribed by a doctor. The depression is back, now, and worse than ever.

I've lost my family. I'm alone. One day of being alone is torture for me. I've had four years and I can't take any more.

A sad story. I'm tired. I want to die.


PS added later: I am on two antidepressants. Wellbutrin and an SSRI. They don't seem to work.

Honestly.. at that age you shouldn't worry about so many things. try to live it up. try things out that you didn't when you where younger. try to live because even if you say you want to die your reasoning is ridiculous.

don't let love bring you down. just because women come and go doesn't mean you cant be happy. you don't have to rely on other people to bring you happiness.

Now. I am young. and I have a partner. young love. you know. and yes. I don't see myself without her anymore. but I do know that one day it will end. everything ends one day. but you know what. its good. its good otherwise youd never treasure what you've had.

if everyone was continuously happy then there would be nothing to treasure cause every moment would be the same as the last.

so instead of worrying about how sad your life is go and make something of it. it wont help if you just drug yourself into oblivion. personally id say its nicer to see things with a clear mind. drugs f*** you up.

don't create a bubble around yourself. find friends. get to know them . get close. treasure them. hang out. make the most of life while you have it. and for gods sake, stop letting your life revolve around women!

(good luck. keep trying. trust me. youre never too old to try. neither are you ever too young)

Well, that's good advice. And I try. But it's built in.... I need to be close to someone.

Well, if you are feeling like that... have in mind that it can only get better in future. It can hardly get worse.