So tired of it all

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Alethalady
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue May 19, 2015 9:13 pm

So tired of it all

Postby Alethalady » Tue May 19, 2015 9:33 pm

I am 57, over 300 pounds, breast cancer, uterine and skin cancer survivor. I have been cancer free for almost 10 years - unfortunately I am going back in for a biopsy on the same breast I had cancer in 10 years ago next week. That is not the main issue. I am in a marriage that is difficult. I have been fighting obesity for most of my life. The last 10 years have been really hard, with the breast cancer, and other medical issues. We have been pretty much broke since the 2008 and have basically been living on his social security (he is 11 years older than me) and my jobs (when I have one). He is a consultant that has worked for himself for nearly 30 years. He is 68 so getting a 'real' job is not really an option. He is a type A personality and works on something 24/7. I am a type C. I like my work - I am a graphic artist, and I am artistic and love to read, crotchet, etc. I know I am fat and need to exercise but every time I pick up a book or my crotchet he goes off on me and tells me I need to get off my butt. So basically I sit on the couch and watch TV, when I am not working. I feel like I am disappearing. I have no friends, all my family is up north, 1200 miles away. I have no reason to keep going anymore. I go to bed hoping I wont wake up and when I wake up I am disappointed. The more he pesters me to get up and exercise the more I close down and just sit on the couch. I feel like the only reason he wants me to do things, is for his business. The only time we go out is for 'business'. We only go to movies about twice a year. He is not a 'artsy-fartsy' fan - so I haven't been to a concert or play in years. The only thing we ever do that is not related to business is go to a bar and watch some sports game. I drink on occasion, but am not a drinker and don't like bars that much. and of course at bars pretty much all you can eat is fried/fatty foods. He keeps saying he wants me to loose weight but he brings home candy like M&M's, ice cream and pizza. When he goes to the store (which he does do), he brings home hot dogs, hamburger, chips, pretzels and spaghetti or pasta of some sort. He does not understand depression - he thinks I should just be able to 'snap out of it' as he puts it. He will tell people when we are out that he may have been depressed once, for about a 1/2 a second. He thinks it's funny. I am making him sound really bad, and he isn't really. he does go to the grocery, he does the dishes, even cleans the cat potty, he walks the dog, feeds the cats, and more. he is just not supportive of me, he is just thinks a certain way and to him that is the only way that counts. I am just very tired.

stephanie_803
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Jun 25, 2015 5:40 pm

Postby stephanie_803 » Thu Jun 25, 2015 11:36 pm

To me he sounds very inconsiderate and selfish. I don't know how you put up with that, especially with all of the stuff you've gone through and in my opinion I don't think that you should be around someone like that while you're going through all of that, at least for the time being and if that's not possible I would just sit him down and explain that to him.

As for you wanting to die don't you dare think that way! You've gotten through cancer hunn, cancer! You beat it's butt which shows you're tough. If you can go through that and still be you then you can overcome anything. 😊 and as for you being fat if it really bothers you then workout, not anything too drastic but doing simple things as just cleaning around the house helps (apart of my workout actually haha) or just take a walk down the road, start at small distances first then work your way up. I know how hard it is to eat healthy and stick to working out but you can get through it, I believe in you.

And as for you feeling like you have no friends I'll be your friend although I'm only 23 and I doubt you'd want a friend so young ha.

Good luck tho! I know you can overcome this!❤️😊

lost&hopeless
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2015 4:32 pm

Postby lost&hopeless » Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:08 pm

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but what do you love about him? And is he the person you fell in love with? Or is he different now?

porcupine
Posts: 112
Joined: Sat May 23, 2015 4:47 pm

Postby porcupine » Sat Jul 11, 2015 1:33 am

Sometimes, people want others to do badly, because it makes them feel superior. That could be why he brings you the candy. Perhaps, in a way he wants you to be overweight. It might not be a conscious thing.

I know someone who criticises me for not working (I don't do paid work because of my health, discrimination, and scam artists. Though I have literally tried to get thousands'of jobs). When I told him I was working(I was, but didn't get paid because of scams), he was diappointed. He didn't know what to say at first. He liked to lord it over me. He would go on about how hard he worked, or so he said, and make snide remarks about me not working. If he is so busy, how come he has enough time to judge everyone else.

I would advise taking one day at a time and don't put up with the remarks. He may do a lot but it doesn't give him the right to pick on you. You need encouragement, not put-downs that make you more depressed.

If you want to lose weight, just cut down your food a bit at first and take it from there. I think if you just went on some drastic diet all of a sudden, you could rebel against yourself. Try replacing one candy bar for an apple at first and do it gradually. Maybe join a support group for people who want to loss weight online, if you don't feel like going out.

ChristineJensen
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2016 3:44 am

Take proper meals

Postby ChristineJensen » Mon Mar 21, 2016 4:23 am

Don't just simply cut down your meals, have some kind of workout and a proper diet, also go for the your workout plan, what suits you and your health then take some decision because any kind of action with your health may affect it. For workout plan you should have the body guide and for diet, just have proper meals like breakfast and lunch should be proper and you can skip dinner. Also with this go for fibers and protein foods at evening.

christfife82
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2016 10:45 am

Postby christfife82 » Mon Mar 21, 2016 5:03 pm

You need to focus on what you can do. When my depression was at its worse I put on about 4 stone. I was visiting someone and stayed in a hotel - there was a full length mirror and reality hit. I lost the weight and it was hard. Food was the only thing I really had in my life.

I joined a discount gym chain and went three times a week. I used MyFitnessPal and cut down my calorie intake. I really hated it to start and was so hungry, but I got to the point where the benefits started to show and because I was going to the gym I was around other people which helped my self confidence.

A year on and I am still not 'well', but I am so much better than I was. There are things in my life that cause me pain that I can't do anything about, but I am dealing with what I have control over.

Do you love your husband?

User avatar
specter
Posts: 131
Joined: Mon Jan 18, 2016 1:13 am
Location: Ohio, USA

Artsy-Fartsy :)

Postby specter » Mon Mar 21, 2016 7:25 pm

It's really neat that you are skilled at crafts. To me, it sounds like human connection is what you want. Someone who understands you and enjoys your company?

The neat thing in this situation is that there are tools like Skype and Google Hangout where you can spend time online with other people. If it doesn't make you feel intimidated or scared -- that's how I felt at first because video-chatting with a seeming total stranger is off-putting, at first -- you could have video calls with people and talk about your situations or your art. Maybe you could go into groups on Google and find art Hangouts and show off the cool stuff you make. All ideas, only.

(hugs Alethalady)


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