Depression Understood Forums

was pretty darn busy delivering pizzas all day.... then, my lame self, misses a street, and failed one, to a really great customer. Ended up being very late, but remade + free. But I actually told him, "Bro, ya' know what ? As much as I hate to admit it, that was totally my bad ! So all of this is freshly remade, and on us....
So he tells me, "Man, we all make mistakes, and I appreciate your honesty... Here's $20 for yourself anyway, and of course I had that guilty / non-deserving feeling....
This customer is just the coolest guy though.

So I get back to the store, barely walk in, look back towards the front door, and some meth-head looking / acting guy, is standing in our doorway, just staring in. My manager (a skinny 22 yo) asks me, "Is that guy going to come in or what" ? So I said, "Would you like me to take care of it" ? And he was like, "Yea...
So I said, "Excuse me sir, are you going to come in and buy something" ? So he steps in, looking around every direction {tweaking} and asks if we had $5 pizzas. No. How about $2 dollar slices... No. {betting that this guy did not have $2 either}
So he says, "Well can I sit down on the couch over here".... To which I said, "No. The couch is for paying customers... There is the door... You need to leave now". {I never yelled or cursed, but instead, I just talked really straight, firm, and never took my eyes off of him}
He looked really sketchy, with little hints of anger mixed in....
But in the end, he ended up backing down, and leaving.
{I've already told you guys, I'm not really a bad a$$, but looks are deceiving} ....I just play one, when needed LOL

I know one of these whackos is going to end up pulling out a gun... and they better use it, because I'm walking straight at them and taking it away from them if they don't. I swear to this, as I've went over that scenario a thousand X's. I think the first guy (well, I've had that twice before, so I guess I should say, the next guy) that pulls a gun on me is going to be very surprised at the lack of respect that will get him.
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So the guy leaves, and I told the manager, and a couple other drivers / work friends, "Geeez ! That guy makes me feel like I really have my #$%# together LOL And to think.... I go around thinking about how screwed up "I am" !?!? Totally being facetious of course.... I probably am that screwed up, just in all different ways.

I feel you on the tweaker.

If you are looking for a context to put your bad-ass self in I suggest that you look at Meditations on Violence: A comparison of Martial Arts Training and Real World Violence by Rory Miller.

I've been on the barrel end of a gun once ... 35 years ago. I have a friend who was next to a guy who was shot and killed when a guy was robbing a bar. Finally, I have a friend who works in corrections and can tell me about all the scars he sees on various inmates.

So your statement:
"I know one of these whackos is going to end up pulling out a gun... and they better use it, because I'm walking straight at them and taking it away from them if they don't. I swear to this, as I've went over that scenario a thousand X's. I think the first guy (well, I've had that twice before, so I guess I should say, the next guy) that pulls a gun on me is going to be very surprised at the lack of respect that will get him.

So the guy leaves, and I told the manager, and a couple other drivers / work friends, "Geeez ! That guy makes me feel like I really have my #$%# together Smile"

Makes me think that you do need to make peace with yourself. The fact that you faced a weapon makes you a warrior. So I suspect with respect to violence you really do have your stuff in a pile. To me martial arts training makes that a neat pile ... but all you really need to do is know where your "stuff (courage, reactions, emotions) is at."

This is completely different then what you've described before ... which is "where is my date?" You have pointed out that there is a disconnect between the women who are attracted to you and the women to whom you are attracted.

Your pictures are very sensitive. Have you thought of doing something really insane like giving digital copies away at a gathering You could set up a "meet the artist" table with a couple of digital picture frames near a wi-fi hotspot and then Email people copies of your pictures if they wanted one. You would be operating in a different situation, so maybe you would see different results.

You can tell I'm not a professional ... because that seems like a pretty specific idea ... but the more we communicate the more I get flashes that you probably give off more of a bad ass vibe then you think.

100ft, I always appreciate your well thought out responses Thank you.

You said "my bad ass self" LOL Like I've said, its only looks. I am pretty strong, and have a hard head, so I'm not going to be knocked over with a feather.... But I'm not an MMA guy either.

Will look at "Meditations of Violence"

BTW, I have known probably 6 friends and acquaintances who have been shot, and survived.... One was shot 3 X's, point blank, by a tweaker, with a 38 cal hand gun ! Twice ion the chest, and once in the stomach, and survived !
Another who was shot in a farm accident, with a 12 gage shot gun, straight into his bladder ! ...and survived.

Geeez, I'm not even a little bit afraid of being shot, as long as it kills me, but wouldn't something like this ^ be horrible ???

BTW, my long time manager (store owner) is also a Martial Arts instructor, and black belt in multiple disciplines. Unfortunately, with my completely destroyed hand-eye situation, I could NEVER be even decent at any of that stuff.... anymore than I could ever throw, kick, or hit a ball.

But anyway, the truth about me getting into "tweakers" and / or other potential bad guys faces, is that I've just been getting really wreckless with stuff like this. With my driving too.

I mean, in a best case scenario, I die, all of my pain and suffering is over, and the loser that shot me, gets to go to prison to start his wonderful life.
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You said, my pictures were very sensitive.... I guess that side of me is showing through.... which is cool, I guess.

Of course I'd like to share my photos with people, but I really just don't care for group gatherings, meet-ups, etc.... and even if I did, I've worked my schedule, to avoid the masses. I work every weekend, and most holidays.

I know this ^ hurts me with finding a relationship too. I neither mix, nor fit in with the crowd. Story of my life.

Really, I "hate" human beings as a species. I save all of my love and respect for the self thinking individual. Whatever the crowd does, I do the opposite. When the crowd goes right, I go left.

Hey,

I read this: "But anyway, the truth about me getting into "tweakers" and / or other potential bad guys faces, is that I've just been getting really wreckless with stuff like this. With my driving too. " As reading that part of you wants to change.

When you wrote "You said, my pictures were very sensitive.... I guess that side of me is showing through.... which is cool, I guess." I got a little confused. Your posts up until the last few have been nice.

I come to this group from the opposite side ... People think I'm nice until I start to talk about my opinions / ethics

I've worked my schedule, to avoid the masses.... Your pictures seem like a good way to change up the conversation with people. What other ways can you think of?

I think the point of these conversations is to reflect on what you think you can change to improve your life. I can tell you that if you keep doing the same thing then the only thing that changes is an older person is doing it ...