Depression Understood Forums

I was the only child of two parents, born out of wedlock, I was determined not to let that stop me. In high school, I've been the subject of mockery and bullying as well as rejections from girls. The first girl I liked over there, I recall her rejecting me, really I feel did something to me. Not good either. It was as though she had some chain reaction on me because I went from being happy about everything to sad about anything.
I began to take an interest in politics early in high school and was determined to get into one of my states's universities or an Ivy League college. I wanted to become President of the United States. I thought the position would help me help others on a large scale and it would also prove that I was worth something, that everybody that treated me bad didn't realize what I truly was. They would be sitting up there watching me and they would say "We sure misjudged him!" or "Oh, we should have hung out with him more." I thought it was my destiny, it was what was going to make up for the crappy teenage years I had and probably all the crap that's going to come up. I was going to fulfill a purpose I had been assigned and I was going to do it with a smile because I've always loved meeting new people and going different places and talking and collaborating.
Then I noticed I get nervous when speaking to a large group of people and along with my inability to get the grades I wanted, I realized it was all a dream.

What bothered me most were the kids who would say they could get into an Ivy League. You know, here I am worrying about whether or not I'm going to a community college and they're talking about Harvard and Yale like it's a step away. I felt like a piece of garbage. Then it hit me, why am I putting up with this? The same thing occurred with relationships. Every girl I ask out rejects me or says they have a boyfriend or some other thing that means they won't go out with me. I don't get it. I've brushed my hair, kept a good aroma and tried approaching them on what they like and using this apparent humor that I have and they still say no. I have a friend who doesn't mind being single nor asks girls out and I told him that he might be onto something, why even bother?

I've had bad luck with making friends over at the high school because nobody seems to be interested in making new friends but in just keeping the ones I've already had. Sometimes I just question why I'm even going on. Nothing seems good and nothing seems like it's getting any better. I feel like I'm in a recession of life. I'm thinking of joining the Navy after high school so I can be like my hero. They don't believe I will and I won't if I get into the schools I really want to get into. But that's a pretty big "if". That's the only thing I have to look forward to. Nobody cares about me and everyone would probably forget about me the day after I stopped contacting them.

hi there, i dont think im the best person to give advice on anything at the moment and im mainly doing this because i think the kindness done to me might serve others too. so no advice, but the only thing i can say is i can relate to you, i understand you and what you are going through.... hell, when i was in high school, i had the exact notion -- being the president (im serious, but you can smile -- its kinda funny). i dont think i was ever bullied, but i was different and since no one understood me... i had grand dreams that some day those darn people would have wished i was their Friend way back.

i'm not sure you care about me or i care about you... but being understood really helps me, so i hope it helps you (even just a bit)

Wow, I can relate to this in a few ways and I think I may actually be able to give you some advice here. First of all, it sounds like you're putting way too much weight on other people's perceptions of you. From feeling negative about yourself because girls won't go out with you, to all the things you want to do seemingly only to prove those who doubted you wrong -- those are not good ways to respond to your issues. It seems like you're too focused on getting a girlfriend, but when that doesn't work out you get frustrated and upset. One example you gave, that some girls have rejected you because they already have boyfriends, I don't see why you'd be upset by that. I mean, I get that it sucks when someone you're interested in is already dating someone, but if that's the case they're not gonna dump the person they already have a history with and you shouldn't expect them to. If they did dump their boyfriend at the drop of a hat because you asked them out, that shows you they're not girlfriend material to begin with because they'll end up dating the next guy that asks them out. I think you're putting too much weight on having a girlfriend, and you'll be much happier in a relationship that happens naturally because you have a connection with someone, rather than obsessing over it and seeking girls out. That usually doesn't end well. I got my first real boyfriend in high school not long after I'd given up on finding one. It wasn't a focus for me anymore, I wasn't too worried about it, and it just sort of happened on its own once I wasn't preoccupied with it. Funny how things fall into place sometimes.
But I digress. As for the political aspect, I think that could be good for you but then again it might not. On the one hand, politics and public speaking is a great way to develop social skills and charisma if you're dedicated to it, but most politicians already have those things to begin with and that's why they excel. If you're not a particularly outgoing or talkative person with people you don't know, it might not be the best idea. But if that's the case don't feel bad, I personally knew a lot of people in high school who were interested in politics but by the time they actually tried to give speeches in front of a class, most of them couldn't handle it. It happens to a lot of people. If it doesn't work out for you, there are other ways to get creative. For example, if you're interested in politics then you've probably written some speeches, right? Then you could try to write other things, too, like short stories or poetry, and hone your writing skills.
One of the last things you said is that you're giving up hope and thinking of joining the Navy. Well, my stepdad was in the military for 30 years, and I can tell you the Navy is not interested in someone who frequently struggles with self-doubt and needs the acceptance of others to feel validated. That is the exact opposite of the type of person they want. The Navy wants dedicated, confident people with high self-esteem and leadership skills. In fact pretty much all branches of the military want that. My stepdad was in the Marines, so when his youngest son was old enough and struggling in high school (much like you are), he thought he should join, too. Since his dad had been a Marine for so long, that was pretty much all he had to say to the enlistment officer to get accepted. Well it wasn't really all he said but it definitely made it a lot easier for him. But anyway, once he was accepted, but before he got deployed to actually go anywhere and fight, he started getting panic attacks and doubting himself, and then the Marine Corps looked into it and saw that he had a history of anxiety, depression, and other related emotional issues. As soon as they saw that he was discharged. It goes without saying that people with physical disabilities aren't wanted by the military, but a lot of people don't think about mental and emotional issues like stress, depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc. and the military doesn't want people with those issues either. There are so many young high school kids I've known who were struggling and would always say, whatever, if things don't work out I'll just join the military. One of my teachers put it best -- do you really think the military wants a high school dropout? You couldn't even make it through high school and you expect them to trust you on the battlefield?
I'm not saying you're gonna drop out but I hope you get my point. And I'm not trying to down you either, I'm just being realistic and since I have some degree of experience with the things you mentioned, I actually had a little more to say. But the thing to take away from all this is --
Stop depending on other people to build your self-image. You may not even realize that's what you're doing, but you are and it's unhealthy. If you measure your worth by the opinions of others, you'll never be happy because there are always going to be people out there who don't like you. But it's not about them; you're the protagonist in your own life and it's up to you to decide how to live it. Don't live your life out of spite for the perceived wrongdoings of others unto you; live your life for you and no-one else. You're the only person whose acceptance should carry so much weight in your mind; as long as you can cast others' thoughts aside, look at yourself objectively and say, "I like who I am", you're going to be fine. And if you can't say that, ask yourself why not, and what you can do within yourself to change it. It's okay to turn to others for support and guidance, like you have by coming here, but not to feel good about yourself. That starts and ends with you and you may have to do a little bit of introspection and self-analyzing to figure that out. I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors.