down in the dumps (responses encouraged)

[Blackwing-Kogarashi]

so here i am, sulking in a cold, dark corner, alone in the world. my world. how it all came to be like this, or when it even started, i don't know. i can't remember. not that i had amnesia. i do remember everything that happened. i remember working my a** off every single day of my life since i was a child. i remember sacrificing all i have and will ever have for my family. i remember getting lost in the streets at nights when i run errands and having to go back by myself. i remember my aunts and uncles hitting me with sticks and bats at the slightest noise and mistake that i make. i remember having no one to rely on. not my parents. not my brother. of course not my aunts and uncles. i really had no friends. all i had were 8. 2 died in car accidents, 1 died in the Boston Bombing, another died because of a heart disease. i fell apart as each of them died, but i eventually picked myself up every time.

all i have left now are 4 people. well, just 3 i guess. one of them, i think, is leaving me. you see, of all my friends, this guy is the longest i've been friends with. 10+ years. we rarely see each other, cos of our jobs, but whenever we're together we make sure we're having the best fun we could have.

and because of my job, i very recently got attacked by someone, got my right side smashed by a sledgehammer and got shot three times in the chest. luckily no organs were damaged, just broken ribs and a dislocated collarbone.
so i related to him. but instead of offering me some comfort, he didn't believe me. demanded instead some kind of proof that i was in the hospital. what was i supposed to do? i had no one to ask to accompany him to the hospital. all my things and even the package i was going to deliver was stolen. i only told him via a payphone in the hospital lobby, a nurse helping me, as much as it hurts to, stand. the stairs journey was brutal. there was a shortage of wheel chairs. it was a poor hospital. as soon as i got down a floor my wounds started to bleed.

the pain, stinging my chest, spurred me forward. i needed to talk to my bro. i needed him, the closest thing to family i ever had. so as soon as i got to the lobby, my hospital gown was drenched in blood, my breathing was heavy, and my whole right side felt like burning. i wanted to lie down, but i needed to call him. he was my last hope to cling to life.

but as his voice came from the other end of the line, he demanded that i prove it.

by all acounts, i can almost prove it right then and there. which i did. i told him the hospital name, to where a good samaritan i never saw brought me to be checked in the ER. i could not believe my ears that hesitation and doubt was very much clear in my bestfriend's tone.

by the way he never came. not even to check if i was really in the hospital.

this past friday i got myself discharged, but i still need to go attend rehab and physical therapy. a different hospital has to provide, tho..


i guess i just could not believe that the person i trusted and depended upon most, for a lack of a better word, betrayed me.

he was angry, his words doesn't match with each other. never really gave me attention. never even asked me how i was doing. didn't even want to see me. he'd talk to me, but only if i initiate it.

i don't know why he's like this. not that i'm nagging or anything, but i've done so mich for him and his family. i have supported them in ways only a family could. i cared for him and his family.

i could list and write all of my stories here, all my depression, but there'd be so many. i don't even know if there will be people who would be interested enough to read. but any kind of response is much appreciated. since there ain't anyone i can talk to.

[leahpopcorn]

i understand how you feel. i felt like that for a long time but if you tell someone how s*** your life is at the moment (even a doctor or therapist) they can help you. that's what i did and it feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders once you've talked to someone. however, if you don't want to talk to anyone then you should keep coming on here for advice but i found that it was better once i told someone.
i hope your life gets better. i know how it feels to feel that depressed. just hang in there. your life will get better. i know i'm starting to sound like a broken record but if you want your life to get better then you need to tell someone. they'll help you get through this tough time
i really hope this helped

[nutmeg]

What happened to you is definitely unfortunate, I hope talking about it helped. The only think I can suggest is confronting your friend about his behaviour change, not aggressively, but there may be something hes bothered with that the two of you need to talk out.

[Purple angel]

Good morning! I hope you're getting fast recovery from your accident.

Anyway, i am sorry that you are now experiencing this feeling of being left alone by your friend. Friends are supposedly the people we can lean on specially when things aren't going right, someone we can trust with our life who has seen the best and the worst but still never leave our side. I think he is not being a true friend for you. He is just being there because he's getting something from you. If he really is a true friend, then he doesn't need to ask any proof of what has happened to you. He will fly right away to you and be more concerned than being doubtful.

God always plan the best thing for us, sometimes we feel being left out but actually God is saving the better one that we actually asked for. Maybe, that accident has a purpose why it happened to let you know what kind of a friend he is. I'm not saying be glad that you were being attacked to death, but take it as sign that the person you thought is your friend is just a fake friend.

I know you can't just forget him in a snap because it's impossible. Take it slow just like your wounds, it will heal eventually. You said you still have 3 more friends right? Try to talk to them, don't focus your friendship with this guy you still have 3 others. But after talking to them and still you feel alone, i think you need the help of the experts. Be strong life if full of sucks, and it's not easy to live life. Every struggle in your life will shape you to be a better person, be thankful for the hard times for it will make more stronger.

--------
In life there's always a second chance... And its called tomorrow..
God bless you and smile always because i know it will look good on you..

[Blackwing-Kogarashi]

purple angel:
i didn't really want to think that way. he's been with me for the longest time and we actually go way way back. he's never really showed me that materialistic side of of his. well i do try contacting my 3 other friends, and they actually came in, albeit on different t imes. they all live overseas, anyway. and even then, the pacific didn't stop them.

nutmeg:
he did actually demand (NOTE:demand) that i meet him with someone who can prove to him that i really did go to a hospital. i've been thinking about bringing that nurse who walked me three floors down to the lobby (she's pretty cute and actually nice), but would it be good if i bring my x-ray results when we meet with him? i actually plan on cutting him off once i make myself clear instead of stressing over him.

leahpopcorn:
i get what you mean. but expert help is something that i cannot afford right now. i know talking to someone about it is necessary to feel better, and this is actually what i was looking for. i just need my friends and some other people to talk to.

thanks, you guys. just writing this down and answering your posts has madebme feel a lot better. got some more issues, yes, but those are matters of a different nature, anyway.

[Chaz1529]

Please dont just cut your friend out of your life. Maybe he had a good resson to act the way he did, give him chance to explain himself, one thing that depression has cost me is a lot of friends, people are quick to cut you out for being unreliable or irritable or a 'let down', unfortunately I cant turn around to my friends and explain that that particular dqy I cancelled our arrangements because I was having a bad day, an extremely bad day! Just hear him out first! 10 years is a long time

[Blackwing-Kogarashi]

chaz1529:
i know cutting someone out of your life is never that easy or not always good, and of course i do look back at those ten years, but to be honest, he's the one who brought it up in the first place. he even said goodbye in his indirect way, i know cos i've seen the ways he deal with people and things. he demanded to see a proof because i didn't want to lose him. that indirect goodbye was one of the first words out of his mouth said i should always value the people i want to keep in my life if i don't wanna lose them. it's like he's telling me that he thinks i was always lying and making up stories to him, when in truth, i never once imposed myself on anyone at all.