idk (may trigger)

[ghosty]

i dont really know where to start, apart from the beginning; my parents got divorced, I broke up with my boyfriend then the next guy I liked broke my heart (he used me and then cheated on me) and then a lot of things happened, i started getting really messed up, drinking all the time (i was only 13) and smoking. My friends - at the time - found out and used it as an excuse to fall out with me (they didnt like me because I didnt eat or speak) I then began to self harm. I attempted suicide 3 times within the same month (during all this stuff going on) now 2 years later I self harm on and off, my parents never take me seriously when I ask for my councillor again and everythings getting bad again. I broke up with my new boyfriend a while ago because I could tell I was bringing him down, he got in a new relationship about 2 weeks after we broke up and totally replaced me - he treats her the same as he treated me, the same jokes, the same nicknames. He spoke to me about 3 days ago about him maybe breaking up with her and basically made me convince him to stay with her, I care more for him than me and its causing me pain, I cant do anything, I cant think, and I don''t see a reason for anything anymore and thats basically my story until now