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Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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MyUnseenStarlight
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2013 4:26 am

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Postby MyUnseenStarlight » Wed Jan 08, 2014 12:54 am

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Last edited by MyUnseenStarlight on Fri Feb 28, 2014 11:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Ieris
Posts: 217
Joined: Sat Nov 23, 2013 1:36 am
Location: London

Postby Ieris » Wed Jan 08, 2014 3:54 am

Hello Star,

I remember your post from before. It's good to hear from you but sorry that you are feeling down again.

It's horrible when someone you cared for so deeply turns their back on you especially with another friend. True friends don't do that so you're better off without them, plus neither of them deserve a friend like you anyway.

---

Yes you are right, it's like we're drifting in the ocean at times. If you can see the shore then you are miles ahead of others as some people just see endless ocean. Sometimes I wonder if we choose to drift there because its less painful than facing reality. Somewhere we escape to so that we don't need to think or feel, even for just a while.

Sometimes it's not the things around you that are changing but it's you. Depending on your mood, one thing can easily switch from good to bad. This is something you should learn to control, it could be raining but it can still be a good day if you want it to be. Don't let the situation control you, you must control the situation or at least how you react to the situation.

You seem to put a lot of effort into friendships. I believe you are caring and a good listener so you are able to help your friends when they are in need. However your friends may not have those qualities like you do, so it is hard for them to give the same back when they are tactless. There are friends who are good to party with, some who are good to talk to and others are good for other things. You just need to find the right people who are good listeners that will come to comfort you when you need them. I don't think that your friends don't care about you, but you must understand that when you are constantly feeling down it can have a negative effect on them too. Just like what 'George Jetson' did to you, he pulled you into a hole so why would you want to do the same to your friends? Sometimes it is hard for them to understand you if they haven't been through depression themselves, I'm sure they would help if they knew how to. But do you know how?

If you still want them as friends then maybe start being more positive around them and they will be more positive around you. Don't blame them and just enjoy their company but don't expect them to cure you as even doctors and experts don't always manage to do that (unfortunately!). There are some people out there who love helping others, just like yourself and these are the kinds of friends which I think you need. You'll realise that you won't have to explain yourself so much because they already know how you feel.

I hope you feel better soon and you are not alone *big hugs* x

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:15 am

I NEED friends that really care. Two arms that give real hugs. Someone to help me find my legs to stand up again. Someone to LISTEN when I need to cry or be heard. Someone to check up on me when they don't hear from me for awhile. I need a reason to believe in people again. For people to STOP judging me and start loving me.

Depression takes so much from your life. You happiness , your trust , your faith , your beliefs , your hopes , your dreams , your will.

But the one thing Depression shouldn't ever take is ..... your friends.


Sometimes finding friends who understand your depression is just as hard as overcoming depression.
I'm alone.
In a great Big city I'm alone.

A big part of my loneliness is the loss of those things inside of me, things that you mentioned; my trust, my hopes and dreams, my will, my happiness. These are things that, when we have them, are gifts we gratefully share with others. They are the roots with which we reach out and form bonds to the outside world. They fire us up; make us happy just to share.

They are also the things that keep me warm. When I open my eyes in the morning, they are [were] the things that get me out of bed without an alarm clock, without coffee.

Now I'm cold. I so want to curse the world for letting me down. There are days, moments when parts of the world, parents, lovers, pets,... admit they could have done a better job of taking care of me, of loving me; but we all know that, given the circumstances, they did the best they could.

It hurts. Bobbing for onions. Like the skins of an onion in a tub of water my hopes and dreams slough off and float on the surface. They are vulnerable there. People sometimes steal them. I have to reach out and try to grab them; drape them around me like a cape, like armour. They become who I am. Without them who am I?

It's miserable work; the work the writer, the painter, the lunatic, the leader. It's miserable lonely work being depressed and tracking down our hopes and dreams. But it's how we relate to the world. When I can do it for a little while the world smiles at me. They understand.

metaLarsllica
Posts: 3241
Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2010 12:50 pm
Contact:

Postby metaLarsllica » Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:23 am

(((((((( Myunseenstarlight ))))))))))

To feel you have been betrayed and your love to be thrown to the side to me is one the hardest things to deal with. For friends to walk away and lovers make the worst feelings of abandonment come out. I can't tell you how to make that feeling go away or make it better, but I can tell you, you are not alone.

Does depression take our friends from us? Absolutely. Do most of our friends mean harm, actually No. See my take on it is this. The one thing I lack the most, is knowing how to take care of me. I think the friends I have chose off and on through out my life were friends I would want to be like. Which means they know how to take care of them. I don't feel all my friend purposely left, I just feel that for them, to take care of themselves, they had to.

I now work through therapy on how to put myself before others when needed to. I recently had started a friendship that I actually had to walk away from. I was able through therapy at least be able to explain to that person why I am walking away. I believe that is part of it, if the friends wouldn't avoid and just be honest and say what they can and can't handle, then we can adjust the amount of support we need from them.

I am the type of person who I push people away because of severe abandonment issues. I do have 1 or 2 friends that know this and accept this. They know if I just slack off being round or talking it's not personal. I a thankful they understand this and are willing to still be my friend.
I just want to say, those friend we need are out there. We just have to be honest with them on what being a friend to us will be like.

Have you ever heard of co-dependency. That is me, I try and fix everyone and everything, and most times, when they have gotten what they need they are gone. I am learning how to control that part of myself as well. While I don't like hearing "it's a lot of me" it is true. I have to change my thinking, and my way of handling a lot of things before I can truly have healthy relationships, if not I will always have the same unhealthy ones as I have in the past.

MyUnseenStarlight
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2013 4:26 am

Postby MyUnseenStarlight » Wed Jan 08, 2014 12:25 pm

Thanks Ieris it really means a lot to me. Everything you say.

To Frame. I'm so sorry your going through rough times. I'm frustrated because I want to say something to help you feel better. But it's hard because I can't even see through my own battles. Thank you so much for everything you said though. I appreciate it with all my heart.

To MetaLarsllica. I understand everything your saying and are going through too. Thank you for responding. I sure can relate to some of the things you say.

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Wed Jan 08, 2014 12:28 pm

I have no words that will make everything better I'm afraid(wish I could make it all better for you star). Makes me angry and upset that I can't do more to help you, and I'm sorry about that :(
But know I am here for you always and know how it feels believe me I do.
These are the times were we get to know who are "true" friends really are, and yes it does hurt, but the thing is we always find better and new ones in the end and it's all worth it.

You are special and you are worth a lot more than you think.

Please try and stay strong.
Keep smiling.

Sent you a PM lovely.

(((Hugs)))

MyUnseenStarlight
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2013 4:26 am

Postby MyUnseenStarlight » Wed Jan 08, 2014 2:10 pm

Thank you. Your the first person to send me a pm. I'm still kinda new at this. I answered it. Let me know if you get it.

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Wed Jan 08, 2014 2:14 pm

You are welcome anytime star :D
aww bless.
Me too.. Well am not now lol.
Yes I got your PM, I replied back :)

I wanna PM and talk to you as I care and wanna support you the best I can, as I wanna see you happy and shining bright again.

MyUnseenStarlight
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2013 4:26 am

Postby MyUnseenStarlight » Wed Jan 08, 2014 3:09 pm

It kills me to have to say this but what he really needs to do is LEAVE me completely alone. I've learned that when you love someone with all your heart the love you have never leaves. Never.

George is the type of guy that will disappear for like 7 or 8 months refusing to speak a single word to me and then suddenly BOOM right out of the blue there he comes back again. For awhile he will act so nice and wonderful and then he takes off and totally disappears again and acts like I don't even exist.

I wish he would either treat me like a real friend or just stay away from me forever.

I love him so much I want him to be happy. And if my friend makes him truly happy then I'm okay with that.

He always says that he still wants to stay friends with me. I'm totally fine with being " only " friends. I accepted their relationship together a long time ago. What is so hard to accept is him ignoring me one minute and then acting like a friend the other minute ...

If he wants to be a real friend he needs to treat me like one. Because this is slowly tearing me apart.

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Wed Jan 08, 2014 3:11 pm

Maybe you both need a little break for a while? It may do you some good and him some good too?

The saying is "if you love something you set it free".

MyUnseenStarlight
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2013 4:26 am

Postby MyUnseenStarlight » Wed Jan 08, 2014 3:55 pm

I agree with that saying 100 %.

Right now he's on one of his " disappearing acts"

This time ... I hope he doesn't come back.

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Wed Jan 08, 2014 3:56 pm

I agree with it too!!

Well if he doesn't come back, then he wasn't the one for you. BUT..... Don't ever give up okay? As there is someone out there for everyone!

He is the one missing out on a lovely lady like you.

MyUnseenStarlight
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2013 4:26 am

Postby MyUnseenStarlight » Wed Jan 08, 2014 5:47 pm

Thank you. I'm tired of " almost reaching the shore." I want to stand on it. And I don't ever wanna get lost in that ocean again.

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Wed Jan 08, 2014 5:50 pm

Welcome.
I know how it feels, believe me I do.
But we have to keep that faith within us and me let these fools bring us down even more. He is the fool for leaving, don't feel guilty or to blame.

Try and see light at the end of the tunnel as I can see it waiting for you star.

MyUnseenStarlight
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2013 4:26 am

Postby MyUnseenStarlight » Wed Jan 08, 2014 11:21 pm

Thank you.


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