One of those days

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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SilentWaters
Posts: 33
Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2013 7:21 am
Location: South Africa

One of those days

Postby SilentWaters » Fri Nov 15, 2013 5:58 am

Why is it that the smallest thing can mess me up for days and days? I'm so annoyed at myself for feeling like this. I don't even remember what sparked this current "down"

It's ridiculous to be this soul-crushingly low for no reason. Of course the more I hate myself for it the worse it gets. I can feel it building, tonight is most likely going to be one of those nights where I sneak outside just to sit and cry for an hour where no one can hear me...

The thing that makes it worse for me is things are finally looking up for me. I've been doing so good lately. Hell, I'm actually super excited coz I'm going to college in a month and a half. So why am I still like this... I hate this so much

Frame
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Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Fri Nov 15, 2013 8:56 am

Transition has always been hard for me, exceedingly hard. I struggle with the reasons but I suspect that I am dysfunctional at maintaining healthy relationships. I can make friends, I can give of myself, but I can't keep continuity over time. I'm not a narcissist but I'm to wrapped up in trying to hold myself together. I also have the experience of finding myself less than well prepared in new situations.

Change is inevitable. But I am terrified by change because I know from experience that I'll be loosing people I value. Most people can maintain correspondence and continuity over time. But there is always loss.

I hope your keeping a journal. It one of the few things I find allows some sense of continuity. You might want to write about the people in your life that you care about; the ones you may find yourself missing when you to college.

saragupta
Posts: 140
Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:54 am
Location: India

Postby saragupta » Fri Nov 15, 2013 12:49 pm

Hi silentwaters,
Please don't feel alone...we all are here to listen u. To make u feel connected emotionally. Okay.
I wud like to ask u one thing!
Do u often try to suppress ur depression or u just let it flow...i mean Do u express ur depression or low mood feelings freely or u keep hiding it behind an "easy to believe smile" ???

I am asking u this because, as per my personal experiences, this kind of suppression makes a person more vulnerable...although this vulnerable phase doesn't show up very often...but when something pathetic related to my already existing problems happens(triggering action)...i cry and become restless for hours till i fall asleep and then i become numb...a smiling--numb--person for a few days. But again i try that no one gets to know about the whole episode. And then afterwards i become normal.

If ur scenario is not even close to mine...explain urs. I Will be happy to listen and help.
Keep posting & Take care.
Sara.

Glad2bme
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Oct 30, 2013 12:06 am

Saragupta makes a good point - suppressing makes it worse.

Postby Glad2bme » Sat Nov 16, 2013 1:32 pm

Early on when I was just working on my issues and not even admitting my depression to myself... my Mother was a depressive and I AM NOT LIKE HER was a big deal to me in my early 20's. I got over it.

Anyway, I was going to 12 Step groups to work on specific issues in my life - codependent, married an alcoholic and grew up in a dysfunctional house (my mother never got treated for or acknowledged her depression) - and here I was in an environment where people actually listened to me and for 6 months I cried at every meeting. Some were happy tears of belonging and identification and not feeling alone and some were sad because I had been missing out on life for so long that it just plain hurt.

What I discovered is that I had this cycle where I would supress my feelings that I couldn't deal with for about a year and then something would burst the dam and I'd be flooded with the feelings of that whole year magnified by their time in solitary and whatever little baby fears that they had produced in that time while I was ignoring them. Well, I thought, THAT is really NOT a smart way to deal with things.

So I started down this road to figure out how to feel my feelings real time so I didn't have to deal with them down the road when they'd morphed into much more powerful entities than they were at the start.

A journal is really helpful and for me getting things down on a page, even if I burn it later is effective in getting it OUT of my system. Acknowledged and if not completely accepted, at least heard and hopefully on the way to being understood.

Therapists and good at listening and evaluating where we are at in the general level of healthy behavior. People here or in 12 step groups are good at listening and sharing from their experience, strength and hope. If someone has been there and done that, it might not be an exact answer or path for me, but it can tell me that it can be done and then I can modify it to meet my own needs.


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