I Want Change, But There Are Problems

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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pcdoctor
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Sep 08, 2013 11:15 pm
Location: Michigan, USA

I Want Change, But There Are Problems

Postby pcdoctor » Sun Sep 08, 2013 11:47 pm

Hello everyone:

This might be long, but I wanted to talk about my current situation and what I would like to do.

I'm a 27 year old male from the state of Michigan.

I suffer from both the autism spectrum disorder as well as scoliosis as well, and as a result from that, I receive social security checks every month.

I also work at McDonald's and really hate it. I don't get paid enough and I get treated rather rough at times.

So I am looking for a change.

However, I still live with my mom who also suffers from scoliosis and receives social security disability because of it.

Because our household income isn't that great, DHS helps us with medical payments every month that would normally come out of our social security checks.

In the current situation that I am, if I were to work more hours or get a job that has better pay, both mom and I would be at risk of losing the assistance we receive from DHS. She needs it more than I do because her back condition is in very rough shape and needs many prescription drugs every month which would cost of lot of $ that we do not have if we were not receiving medical assistance from DHS. So I don't care if I lose the DHS benefits, but what I make also affects her too.

I am also about $3000 in credit card debt and it will only continue to get worse if I keep doing what I'm doing. 95% of what I get paid from both my employer and social security all goes towards bills and rent with very little to work with to do whatever I want.

Now I've been talking with my dad throughout the year about the situation that I am in and he doesn't like that I am in this situation. He told me that if I were to go and live with him, I wouldn't have to pay any bills of any sorts.

However there a few issues here.

1. Currently where I live, I am on a lease until the end of April. So I cannot make any decisions of what I would want to do until that time.

2. There are a few issues with living with dad. One is that he has had problems with drinking in the past and has tried to quit and go for as long as he could without drinking and this year, it was all going well until this past Friday when he went to a bar with his roommate that lives there who does drink often too. I don't know what got him to start drinking again, but I am really not happy about it and am thinking about confronting him about this which may not end too well.

If I moved out, I wouldn't be supporting my mom anymore, however, she doesn't receive enough in social security payments that she could not live on her own. But I cannot get anywhere different if I continue doing what I am doing or living where I'm living.

This is very hard, I want change in my life, but seems hard to do so. I don't know what to do anymore.

I would like to talk to someone and would like advice on what to do.

Frame
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Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Mon Sep 09, 2013 6:29 am

Well pcdoctor, I sounds like your situation is tough either way and I can sympathize with your financial strife. It seems like the outcome of the choice you make has two very big unknowns. The first one is; down the road, or even the first week of a move, will your father keep his word? He has a drinking problem and a room mate which means 1) financially he can't live on his own. 2) like it or not alcoholism is an addiction and addicts are not reliable under the influence, So what makes you think that moving in with won't turn from you paying nothing into you being forced somehow to run up more debt.

The other unknown that you haven't spoken of is; if your Mom is thrown into all kinds of financial distress, how will that effect your father and your relationship. Will the two of you ignore it. No matter how your Dad feels about your Mom now, if the three of you don't agree on a plan now for your mother, then the stress in all your lives will go up. And you know what stress leads to - drinking. And you know what drinking leads to - a vicious cycle.

I know it sounds like a no way out situation but, is there any way you and your Mom can find a safe group home. Maybe later you can think about helping or moving in with your Dad, but right now it's you that needs help. And stabilizing your life means stabilizing your Moms life.

pcdoctor
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Sep 08, 2013 11:15 pm
Location: Michigan, USA

Postby pcdoctor » Mon Sep 09, 2013 6:49 am

Oh my dad can support himself whether the roommate is living there or not. I would rather have the roommate move out since I think my dad gets the influences of drinking from him.

As far as my mom's financial distress, this is something I'm still thinking about a bit.

But the point is that I cannot keep doing what I'm doing which is working a job I hate, having no money for anything and charging stuff to the credit card and I also don't have a vehicle or license which is something that would be hard to obtain living with mom too.

hollyann
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Postby hollyann » Mon Sep 09, 2013 7:04 am

Hi. I understand about the financial worry. Have you thought about section 8 or public housing? All my family gets is a ssi check each month. And its not a whole lot, The max for ssi. But off that check we are able to afford a place that goes by our income. They are only allowed to charge up to 30 percent of a persons income, which still allows money for utilities and the necessities, maybe this is something you and your mom should look into. Also maybe look into if you can get out of your lease because you are overburdened by the amount of rent. Or I know its not good for credit, but if you have to you could always try to break the lease, once you have other accommodations figured out. This way it wouldn't interfere before you got into another place. Or maybe your mom could find a place for herself in one of these so it would not affect her income what you make.

Just a thought.
Hollyan

pcdoctor
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Sep 08, 2013 11:15 pm
Location: Michigan, USA

Postby pcdoctor » Mon Sep 09, 2013 7:06 am

I would really like to avoid section 8 housing as most of the people that live in that type of housing can be dangerous at times and I wouldn't feel safe living in something like that.

I'm not going to break my lease either as I have very good credit and want to keep it that way.

hollyann
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Postby hollyann » Mon Sep 09, 2013 7:12 am

That's understandable, was just a suggestion. I can say that I have honestly lived in a public housing place. In Texas, and one in Missouri, and one in Kansas, I have never had any problems in any of these places. But I tend to keep to myself. However I have had problems in some that I have had and not been on section 8 or public housing. But I can understand being afraid of it, but most cities usually have a few different to choose from. Some nicer than others. There is one local that even has a pool. But you have to do what makes you feel safe. I understand that. I hope you can figure something out. Sometimes you can get a section 8 voucher, and get an actual house, might be another route to go. Best of luck to you.

hollyann

DoozieDog
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Sep 12, 2013 2:40 pm
Location: Indiana

Help

Postby DoozieDog » Thu Sep 12, 2013 3:00 pm

Hello.

It sounds like that is a very hard situation. I'm going through a tough time too, so I know how you feel!

-Stay strong!-

Alaska1958
Posts: 178
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm

Postby Alaska1958 » Sat Sep 14, 2013 4:28 am

Hello, Frame was making some good points. I'm not sure it's important, but I wonder is your dad still working or is he retired? I'm asking because it seems like it would be a healthier environment if he was working regularly.

It also sounds like you are probably a great help to your mother and that would count for something too.

The whole thing about not being able to make more money because it would effect you and your mom's financial livelihood is so frustrating. I know earlier this year I was trying to get on disability and was bringing in just enough to not qualify for much help, but making so little that I had no hope of really supporting myself either.

I have known some people who get section 8 housing and they seemed to be able to live a good bit better than I am. Though up here part of the problem is it can be so hard to keep the plumbing working in the winter. My plumbing has been out for a couple of years now because it froze up so bad. If I was renting it would be someone else's problem.

I've had a lot of trouble with credit card debt and I hope you are able to stay on top of it. It certainly ended up doing a number on my credit rating.

Good luck to you and your family.


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