Talking to Anyone
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InvalidName
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Thu Aug 29, 2013 11:13 pm
Talking to Anyone
Hey, my name is Ian. I'm on here because I can't talk to anyone else. I don't want to talk to anyone else. I used to be a hardcore self-harmer and I can't risk letting someone I know be aware of the fact that I've fallen again. I think my problems started when my best friend died in third grade, about 11 years ago. I didn't have many friends growing up, so I completely broke down about a week after he died. My parents say I haven't been the same since then. I'm in a poisonous relationship with someone I've been with for a little more than three years, and I don't know what I want to do with my life. I almost started self harming about 20 minutes ago. I live in a fraternity and even though I'm surrounded by brothers, I just don't know what to do. I want to run away sometimes and leave everything behind. My best friend of five years and my girlfriend fooled around a while back and I can't let go of it. It'll heal but it won't forget.. I have so much built up inside of me and I can't let it out on my own. I have a punching bag, but that doesn't help what I feel inside. I know I'm just venting, but I can't talk to anyone but complete strangers. I'd love a reply, not about help, but anyone who feels the same way or anything like that. Thanks.
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
I had a friend who witnessed another friend die and truly, he wasn't the same since then. He did his best, though. I don't know where he is now....
Regarding the girlfriend situation, I want to encourage you not to take it so or too hard. That might not sound right to you, but I'll explain.
What people do is what people do. Let their actions be theirs, so that a situation does not become toxic to YOU.
Sometimes people go through a phase. Maybe they don't know just how to handle themselves. Perhaps, that's just the way they are.
It's going to be all right. There are plenty of people I see who cannot stay with just one person for whatever reason.
I will encourage you not to let this experience taint you as much as possible, so that when the right person comes along, you can receive them warmly and with open arms.
Alright.... I'll stop there.
Regarding the girlfriend situation, I want to encourage you not to take it so or too hard. That might not sound right to you, but I'll explain.
What people do is what people do. Let their actions be theirs, so that a situation does not become toxic to YOU.
Sometimes people go through a phase. Maybe they don't know just how to handle themselves. Perhaps, that's just the way they are.
It's going to be all right. There are plenty of people I see who cannot stay with just one person for whatever reason.
I will encourage you not to let this experience taint you as much as possible, so that when the right person comes along, you can receive them warmly and with open arms.
Alright.... I'll stop there.
Hi Ian,
I've also self harmed myself, though not anymore; Don't like the scars. I'm female, and regardless of the fact I may not have an 'abundance' of scars, I've realized one thing. As you probably know, most of us who do/have self harm, do it as a distraction to forget inner-pain. But later on, we see those scars, and what does it do? It continually recycles the grief! I don't wish to be consistently reminded of all that hurts. Myself, I soon need help in fixing the inward issues that began that outward harm.
By the way, I wish you the best! If it means anything at all, you're worth much more than you realize. Just ask Him.
I've also self harmed myself, though not anymore; Don't like the scars. I'm female, and regardless of the fact I may not have an 'abundance' of scars, I've realized one thing. As you probably know, most of us who do/have self harm, do it as a distraction to forget inner-pain. But later on, we see those scars, and what does it do? It continually recycles the grief! I don't wish to be consistently reminded of all that hurts. Myself, I soon need help in fixing the inward issues that began that outward harm.
By the way, I wish you the best! If it means anything at all, you're worth much more than you realize. Just ask Him.
Hi Ian,
I am very new to this site, but I can honestly say that I know a bit of what you are going through. When I was 18, my best friend for the past five years or so (countless hours spent hanging out, gaming -- living) passed out. Over the next two weeks, we found he had a blastiochoma (forgive my spelling, that's off of memory) as a malignant brain tumor. Basically it was the worst sentence he could have gotten. He fought for a year, one of the most painful and saddening years of my life, and I miss him to this day.
When you experience death, you immediately move well beyond your years and inherit a value of life others simply will not (and may never) understand.
I live at a college campus where guys and girls are separated, and for the past four years ( I am a senior, 21/m) I have lived with a bunch of loose friend dudes (and a few decent friends) who have yet to experience anything like that.
Now, I know you aren't looking for help, but ironically I have found solace in hard work. Knowing my time is limited, I wake up every day driven by the fact that I want to change the world. I want to put a dent in poverty , help with the millennium development goals (worth looking up).
I guess from everything I've lived in,
I understand I live in a world of imbalance. I am fortunate to understand the value of the time I have, and I want to do my best to help others and change the world for the better.
I really don't have any other reason to be here , that's for sure. Sometimes I make poor decisions myself in self harm, but I've tried to convert that into forcing myself to work longer.
Just know that you don't have to find happiness in similarity or understanding.
On the girlfriend note, I think the other reply stated it well. Just remember your best friend was acting out of his own best interest, with no intent to hurt you, but rather to choose a feeling over a friendship, as stupid of a decision that may be in some cases.
Running away for me only had me coming back later., so I guess I learned to live above my circumstances.
I hope things settle in a way you find comforting, Ian. I am sorry for your friend. Always remember your friend and live your life to the fullest.
JD
I am very new to this site, but I can honestly say that I know a bit of what you are going through. When I was 18, my best friend for the past five years or so (countless hours spent hanging out, gaming -- living) passed out. Over the next two weeks, we found he had a blastiochoma (forgive my spelling, that's off of memory) as a malignant brain tumor. Basically it was the worst sentence he could have gotten. He fought for a year, one of the most painful and saddening years of my life, and I miss him to this day.
When you experience death, you immediately move well beyond your years and inherit a value of life others simply will not (and may never) understand.
I live at a college campus where guys and girls are separated, and for the past four years ( I am a senior, 21/m) I have lived with a bunch of loose friend dudes (and a few decent friends) who have yet to experience anything like that.
Now, I know you aren't looking for help, but ironically I have found solace in hard work. Knowing my time is limited, I wake up every day driven by the fact that I want to change the world. I want to put a dent in poverty , help with the millennium development goals (worth looking up).
I guess from everything I've lived in,
I understand I live in a world of imbalance. I am fortunate to understand the value of the time I have, and I want to do my best to help others and change the world for the better.
I really don't have any other reason to be here , that's for sure. Sometimes I make poor decisions myself in self harm, but I've tried to convert that into forcing myself to work longer.
Just know that you don't have to find happiness in similarity or understanding.
On the girlfriend note, I think the other reply stated it well. Just remember your best friend was acting out of his own best interest, with no intent to hurt you, but rather to choose a feeling over a friendship, as stupid of a decision that may be in some cases.
Running away for me only had me coming back later., so I guess I learned to live above my circumstances.
I hope things settle in a way you find comforting, Ian. I am sorry for your friend. Always remember your friend and live your life to the fullest.
JD
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