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Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Lrn2live
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Aug 29, 2013 6:22 pm

Hello

Postby Lrn2live » Thu Aug 29, 2013 6:29 pm

I am new here and will write more about myself as I go along. For now, I just wanted to ask if anybody has ever been told that they are not special enough to be their friend, by others. I realize that people can be insensitive, however, I am finding it difficult to move past a comment made to me by an individual. The story is that a few of us were chatting about some subject and I spoke to give my input and was referring to the group as my friends, but that individual cut me off and said, "you are not my friend. I'm only friends with people who are either very smart, very good looking, great athletes, or very nice." And yes it was adult group with all individuals being over 24 years of age. I do realize it was immature comment, however, I can not help but mulling over it. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.have a great day and take care

Frame
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Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Thu Aug 29, 2013 7:55 pm

It's important to keep perspective about where a comment is coming from. Yes of course it was immature; but it was also vague and unrealistic. All these personality properties are compared to what? His/her own notion? The fact that this person was trying to humiliate you in front of other people means that he/she is attempting to manipulate those other people.

He/she chose a person out of the group (you) and attempted to impress those people; now they can think, 'maybe I'm that good'. If they are that good they won't take this charlatans hook. If if their not, then you may have to cut them loose. In any case, you have no need to use this persons idea of what is good enough for his rarefied nose. The fact that he/she is trying to impress these people by degrading someone else means he is no where in the league he/she is pretending to be. People with real talents and accomplishments can impress by showing not telling.

So as painful as it may be, I would suggest you step back and see who follows. those people that also step away are the people who know he's an ass. And you might be better off without people who don't know he's an ass. There are people out there who will accept you as you are. That discovery usually comes with some bitterness, but then those end up as true friends and better to be with than pretenders.
Winston Churchill was a pig headed war-mongering fight-loving Statesman who believed in negotiating as far as you could lob a bomb even though he practiced his speeches (every noun, verb, period and pause) for about an hour per sentence.

He was also a chronic depressive painter (hmm, I wonder what Van Gogh might have done as Prime Minister) who was out of sync with his time so they ignored him. Then he was in perfect sync with his time so they made him Admiral and Prime Minister. Then he was out of sync again and they left him behind.

He struggled with all of this and in the process helped win back the free world from eminent darkness.

I like his remark; “ Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Thu Aug 29, 2013 9:26 pm

Hello Lrn2live,
That whole scenario enrages me! Who does this pompous little pr*** think he is? To me he's a horses a**. I wish I could have been part of this group, when he rudely insulted you! Haha. I would have embarrassed him enough his tail would've been tucked between his legs! I've never been one to shy away from a bully-- which is exactly what he is. Obviously, he KNEW his words would have a negative impact on you... So, DON'T let him succeed! Put him and his comment out of your mind. Good riddence to that thoughtless jerk! You are worth better 'friends.'
When life throws UA lemon, throw the dang thing back.

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crystalgaze
Posts: 2511
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
Location: USA

Postby crystalgaze » Fri Aug 30, 2013 1:23 am

I think everyone who posted already has said it best.

What I will add is get a new set of friends, if possible. Begin posthaste. If your other friends did not stand up for you also right then and there, please ditch the whole group.

I never stay any place I'm not wanted, unless I have a really good reason to be there. I just came out of a situation similar to that at work. The difference is I was being slandered, and my manager did nothing about it.

Leave. You are better than that. Don't sit there and take insults, please. They can all kiss your ___________.

Okay. :-)
~Crystal

I'm not exactly digging myself out of the hole but creating a tunnel to get out another way. Throwing dirt from one end of the pit to the other isn't going to get me anywhere. Instead, I'll create my own path.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Fri Aug 30, 2013 9:23 am

Hi there, you all!
I like your responses, Frame and Crystalgaze. Had to giggle when I read one of your last lines above, Crystalgaze-- heehee.

Some people would say that bullies are, "just insecure about themselves." There are cases when this is correct. However, there are jerks who actually DO feel they are above others! Either type, spawn a lot of pain.. I resent their audacity-- causing a fellow human being undue suffering. (because it makes them feel 'large' in life. What goes around, comes around, even if it's only eventually. :)
When life throws UA lemon, throw the dang thing back.

Lrn2live
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Aug 29, 2013 6:22 pm

Postby Lrn2live » Fri Aug 30, 2013 12:18 pm

Hello everybody. Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate your input and support. And also Thanx for showing me a diff perspective on things. I never thought that individual might be trying to impress others. And I'm sorry that you also had to face somethig similar crystalgaze.
Again, thank you frame, 4everme, and crystalgaze. :) have a wonderful day. Take care

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Sun Sep 01, 2013 8:27 pm

Aww! Now, see?
Reread your last reply...If this were another person, would you think this person deserved to be treated like sh**? Didn't think so!. It makes me joyous to know that the odds are you will not put up with this again! :) You take care. Thankyou for also being an inspiration to others, who may be going through similar scenarios. :)
When life throws UA lemon, throw the dang thing back.

kittycatlover
Posts: 27
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 11:48 pm
Location: Texas

Postby kittycatlover » Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:13 am

Hi, Lrn2live,

When Bullies choose their targets (people they are bullying), the target (you, in this case) has a choice of how to respond.

The bully you described above said, "you are not my friend. I'm only friends with people who are either very smart, very good looking, great athletes, or very nice."

The appropriate response to a bully to make him or her stop bullying is a direct confrontation. They are not expecting that, and it empowers you.

If someone says something like that to you again, you can simply respond: "really? well then, you will have very few friends, then. And since I only am friends with supportive people who are thoughtful and courteous, I will be unable to be friends with you."

:)

Remember this: Bullies don't expect anyone to stand up to them. When you do, be courteous, strong and direct. Address their behavior directly. By the way, this takes practice so you can practice in front of your mirror. :)

Then, if or when it happens again, you will be ready.

This is also true at work -- the bullying stops when you directly confront. For example, if someone is rolling their eyes at you, you say, "Oh, I can communicate better when you share your concerns directly with me. Was there something you wanted to say?"

There is a whole list of responses you can practice for responding to bullies :)

omerjones
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Sep 07, 2013 7:31 am

Postby omerjones » Sat Sep 07, 2013 7:38 am

Hi friends,
I am working in a real estate company austin apartment locator free and get very much depress by working day and night, i am here to get some solution from you people that how should i manage my stress, please please help me i desperately need you help.
omer jones

kittycatlover
Posts: 27
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 11:48 pm
Location: Texas

Postby kittycatlover » Sat Sep 07, 2013 11:46 pm

omerjones,

http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/02/20 ... 35037.html

If you are working a lot, there is a good chance you are dehydrated. 80% of the population is dehydrated and most don't know it. Dehydration can cause anxiety (see article above).

Also, you can drink Kava tea - I buy this 6 boxes at a time, you can also usually find in grocery stores and health food stores:
http://www.amazon.com/Yogi-Stress-Relie ... stress+tea


I hope this helps.


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