My year and a half of Hell

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, vince13, Maelstrom, Astrid

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Tue Sep 10, 2013 9:25 pm

Thanks for checking in.

Hawke53051
Posts: 14
Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2013 2:33 pm

Postby Hawke53051 » Tue Sep 17, 2013 12:56 am

My daughter & I barely talk. She has unofficially moved out with her boyfriend (she has come & get stuff for 2 weeks... Clothes, meds, shampoo, etc..). She is keeping me at arm's length. She has a permanent chip on her shoulder where I'm concerned. I've been trying to get closer to her for the past 4 years but nothing's working. I've given up trying. She has men & daddy issues due to her abused past and me not being there. I'm beyond frustrated. Do I give up trying? She doesn't seem to be interested in getting closer..
Last edited by Hawke53051 on Tue Sep 17, 2013 5:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

JohnnyB
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jul 26, 2013 8:03 pm
Location: Southern California

Postby JohnnyB » Tue Sep 17, 2013 9:53 am

I waas out of work for two years and nin months. It really was not a pleasant experience. All I can offer is to just keep at it. A lot of luck played in to my finding a new job. But if I hadn't been keeping at ti, I would have not gotten the opportunity.

As far as Alaska goes, my son went to the University in Anchorage. It is a place that is growing and there should be opportunities. You're used to winters so that wouldn't be a big deal. The weather is not as bad as is its portrayed by those who have never lived there. Demand for computer skills is expected to grow so my only suggestion is to move to a larger city with more opporltunities.

I wish I could offer more.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Fri Sep 27, 2013 3:09 pm

Hi Hawke,
I understand your being frustrated. You've been attempting to build a closer relationship with your daughter, and she's not reciprocating very much?
My advice is to NEVER give up trying! You mentioned that you weren't there for her for some amount of time. It seems she has trust issues. (You realize this) When people do have issues with trust, they tend to build up a wall of protection. The only way, Hawke, of chipping away at this barricade is with consistency and a lot of patience. Don't throw in the towel, or you may find yourself regretting this! Your daughter, though she's acting distant, will mature one day. Some future moment, she may have a reawakening, and she may ponder on the ways you consistently stayed by her side. She could reflect upon all of the love, support, and patience you gave her and have a much greater appreciation and trust for you.
If she currently has issues with trust, and then she sees you give up on her, it will only confirm to her that she was correct in putting distance between you both. God forbid that THIS ever happen, as you would be even more hard pressed! BOTH of you would suffer the consequences of your just giving up...

Another thing to keep in mind is her age. She hasn't lived as long, and is still growing and maturing. (I guess we're all doing this, huh)? Lol.
Give things time-- As much time as it takes. One day you'll be rewarded for it! Give up? You'll only confirm to her that it's unsafe to trust... Be the good father you're being. Stay consistent.
Prayers going up for you...

Hawke53051
Posts: 14
Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2013 2:33 pm

Postby Hawke53051 » Sun Sep 29, 2013 12:48 am

It kills me inside. EVERYTHING's "Mom" this and "Mom" that... She just recently added her mother back on her facebook page. She doesn't even acknowledge me as her father. She is making EVERY effort to snub me.

I didn't have to come back into her life. She doesn't even realize this. And at this point she doesn't care.

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Sun Sep 29, 2013 7:39 am

There are plenty of thins I don't understand hawk, but I understand your pain. And I think 4ever is right. Your daughter doesn't understand your pain; she may not even understand her own. If she is like my daughter, her mother has explained all the good things in her life as coming from mother and the bad things as coming from father. But trying to set the record straight won't help anyone.

I want the best things for my daughter and I often wish I could give her those things. Eventually, she may escape her mothers orbit, grow up, and stop blaming me for everything. She may learn that her parents aren't the source of all good and evil. But even if she does, I know so many people who say things like, "I'm so glad my parents finally grew up." I think the best I can do is support her however I can, be proud of her for her sake, and admire her from afar. I don't always make the best decisions; still, in this case, I suppose the best choice is to just do the best I can.

Hawke53051
Posts: 14
Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2013 2:33 pm

Postby Hawke53051 » Tue Nov 05, 2013 4:00 am

Just an update... My daughter had moved out and now has moved back in. During this time I wrote her a heartfelt letter. It seems to have soften her a bit. She moved back in because her b/f broke up with her. Now she's hiding in Connie's & my bedroom watching Netflix.

Lynn, I found out, has had 6 strokes over the years. She has a team of people behind her. She is in a nursing home right now. She needs help doing everything. She's being evaluated on her progress sometime in the week to determine if she gets sent to assisted living or back to her apartment. Last i heard she could walk, but doesn't have the heart to. It seems like ever since the breakup she's lost her will to function.

The insomnia has returned. I had a sleep study done and it seems I have sleep apnea. I'm still unemployed. My unemployment has officially run out as of last week. Because of this, my car is on the verge of being repossessed. As I stated before, I'm out in the country. There is no bus. I need my car. I don't have the money to move anywhere. I don't know what to do. I'm on the verge of a breakdown again..

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Tue Nov 05, 2013 10:02 am

I vacillate between thinking that running away is the answer or that standing and fighting is. For those of us who don't have the luxury of physically leaving and then running away in side is a solution (the breakdown). I'm not there, but here it's a sad sad world. I'm stand to loose everything if I don't somehow pull my head out of this fog. So I know I bit about where your coming from.

Nothings right here. Everything is wrong. No hot water in almost a year. I haven't had car for two years. My daughter has hardly spoken to me for almost five. I'm loosing my only source of income and I have no way to pay my mortgage. How would a breakdown make it any worse? Dunno. It might.. Maybe I'm already having one. The world looks like black and white movie; tastes like circus sawdust; smells like a beach blanket sitting in the trunk of a car for a month

I'm responding to help. Since I can't think of anything helpful, I thought perhaps I could let you know your not alone. I've have always gotten cats as pets from the rescue shelter. They've always been black (most people don't choose them so there always there). They've always been smart and friendly and agile. Good friends; I have two right now. I keep wondering when I'll have to take them back. I can't afford them. They know I'm hurting; they both came up and sat on my bed after they had their breakfast today. That was good. It made them real again. When they woke me up to be fed they just seemed black.

I want you to figure out how to live without your car Hawke. There are too many cars in the world. Spend some time; write down every possible crazy impossible idea, how to live without a car. Right them all down and put them in order of impossibleness. Then make another list. This one will have all the advantages of not having a car [Don't skimp. There are a whole bunch everyone ignores].

If you really loose your car; if you really have no choice, I thinks it's good to realize that has advantages. America is founded on mobility. These days that means cars. People focus on capitalism as a root of evil, but all the world is paying a price for the notion of Mobility as a God given right to happiness. The world will suffer less with one less car. Will you? I don't know, but dare to dream.

Oh, well.

Alaska1958
Posts: 178
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm

Postby Alaska1958 » Tue Nov 05, 2013 10:54 pm

I'm glad to hear your daughter is back and has softened to you. In some ways it seems more important to your long term wellbeingthan the car or unemployment. You may well have to move to a more urban area for work and transportation. Unless you can somehow make enough where you are and that doesn't sound like it's working for you.

Good luck my friend.

Hawke53051
Posts: 14
Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2013 2:33 pm

Postby Hawke53051 » Thu Feb 13, 2014 7:43 pm

I'm sorry I haven't been on. I've been having a VERY rough time...I've lost my steady internet connection. I've got a very limited connection via my phone..I have also had to make financial cuts in alot of areas. I'm still unemployed, having financial difficulty.. I have discovered, through all of my mounting problems, that I'm suffering from ADHD and Bi-Polar depression. I've been trying to get myself into treatment, and have started seeing 2 psychiatrists and on a new medication. The furnace went out at the place I'm staying at. I'm out sleeping on the floor on a mattress surrounded by space heaters. No water (pipes frozen)... My kid still hates me. My roommate and my kid think I'm not trying hard enough finding a job or not lowering my pay standards enough... I am...

I hope all of this BS is over soon. it's VERY getting tough to cope..

dougsan
Posts: 104
Joined: Thu Apr 11, 2013 1:59 pm
Location: Massachusetts

IMPROVE YOUR SKILL SET

Postby dougsan » Tue Feb 18, 2014 3:12 pm

Hawke, I worked in and around your field for much of my career (long time retired now). My success required excellent communications skills and technical certification in various computer languages and applications (Microsoft, being the major one). Maybe the state of local gov't can assist you with the training you need?

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Tue Feb 18, 2014 7:35 pm

Hawke,
Have you considered applying for Section 8 Housing? If you can get on that, it will help you by enabling you to move.
With Sect. 8, you pay only what you can pay for your percentage of rent. If you have no income, you pay no rent until you don't. Your local Housing Authority can help you with the process. Even if there's a waiting period to get in Sect. 8, get on the list ASAP. That time will fly by, and you will then be happy you did.

Hawke53051
Posts: 14
Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2013 2:33 pm

Postby Hawke53051 » Mon Feb 24, 2014 5:05 pm

I already am on Section 8. There are no houses available. I've been on it for about 8 years. Only recently have I contacted them & changed my info. As for the certs, I'm pursuing that too. I hate the hurry up & wait bs.. I just went to a place today that helps disabled people find jobs. (I have ADHD as well as depression.. I have since I was a kid)... They have a 4-6 month waiting list. In the meantime I'm stuck grinding it out...

On the plus side, I did get Connie & Tammy a free furnace through the energy help place. And the sewage backed up when the pipes thawed into the bath tub due to the cold weather. But the maintenance man is really good and fixed it all and insulated them so they don't freeze. I live in a trailer court..

Other than that, it's the same ol' same ol'...

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Tue Feb 25, 2014 7:44 am

Hi Hawke,
It looks like although you've had your share of problems, that they're steadily getting fixed albeit not immediately. However, I'm happy to learn that when burdens hit you, that you're finding yourself blessed with resolutions.

It's also a relief to hear that you have 4-6 months before moving to a better place. Someone's prayers are obviously heard! Those months will fly by before you know it.

I appreciate you updating us on your situation. It seems to me that you haven't been complacent. You've seen a doctor. You're getting things done...
Although, you've experienced setbacks, there is improvement in the larger picture.
Prayer can, and does, help also.

Things are looking up for you. Other things may take more time. Just count the blessings you have now, and never give up on hope.

carlaliving
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 03, 2014 6:20 am

Help comes fast!

Postby carlaliving » Tue Mar 04, 2014 3:54 am

I just want to let you know that there is a very good online supplier for meds www.rx-pharmashop.com. They are always available and everything is coming from Europe in a very short time. I was surprised and very grateful to have found them. I hope that helps everyone. :)


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