My Story

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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BlueWhovian
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Aug 01, 2013 6:18 am

My Story

Postby BlueWhovian » Thu Aug 01, 2013 8:32 am

Life started out pretty ok I guess. I was a chunky kid so I was always made fun of, tried to be active though. At 7 grandparents had a messy divorce. I always felt I had to fight for my mom to love me. She favored my little sister a lot more than me and I never knew why. She never got me help I needed, would just tell me to go on somewhere.

14 I watched my grandma pass away as I tried calling 911 and got a busy signal. My mom blamed me for it and told me she wished I'd never been born. I struggle with that so much and it never goes away. At 17 I was diagnosed with severe PCOS and my family started criticizing me for everything I did. I also had to watch my uncle die of cancer. We had been close and it hurt so badly that he was gone. I went on to community college but did horribly, my relationship I had went south. I was being used and the guy didn't really want me so I moved back in with my parents. The one job I had was at a KFC and it was horrible for me and I quit after two days. At 19 my parents divorced, mom made it messy and horrible. She played mind games with me over the internet and phone. My dad moved in a girlfriend who was abusive to my sister and I and he didn't do anything until recently.

My family has always criticized me, yelled at me about my weight and disorders. They make fun of my fears etc. The smallest things set me off. I do my best to control it but people criticize me and make me feel bad. Everyone always twists things so that I'm in the wrong. Life has been the worst for me for the past few years. I moved in 2010 to get away from my dad's girlfriend and to be with my husband. His uncle kicked us out of the house with no reason, though we paid rent and took care of the place, but his family turned on us and don't want anything to do with us. His step family stole everything while we lived with them and sold it for drug money and we lost power and things. I was hospitalized 3 times while living there. After living there two months we were kicked out again and so we moved in with a friend and that house fell through after a month because they dealt with drugs so we moved into the place we're in now. Our landlord gives me the creeps, is rude to me and doesn't respect my wishes. One minute he's understanding the next he's hateful with us. We've not had a car for 4 months, the landlord came over yelling at me until I cried the other day and broke down. I've been a roller coaster without the car.

I have several phobias, like deep water and drowning from being held under as a kid and not knowing how to swim, after watching my grandma and my uncle I've always had a fear of death and people dying around me, I can't stand bugs due to a house I used to live in being infested with spiders, I don't like crowds, don't want a job because it's physically hard for me to do lots of things due to my size. I tried and tried to get one. I fear failure, fear losing people. I really don't have many friends and have come to be very cautious and leery of people due to horrible past. I am scared of open windows, people looking in my windows, I keep them covered 24/7. I end up washing my hands a lot, but not sure that I'm OCD.

I don't know if this is something serious but I often have scenarios played out in my head of things people shouldn't think, my imagination always goes crazy and I imagine strange things as well.

Sorry this was so long, that's pretty much it.

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Thu Aug 01, 2013 10:53 am

You have a lot going on Blue;

I'm glad your talking about it. Stick around. You might find this forum is a resource for you. I see your in a pressured situation. Your not alone. How are you getting along with your husband?

BlueWhovian
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Aug 01, 2013 6:18 am

Postby BlueWhovian » Thu Aug 01, 2013 6:53 pm

Frame wrote:You have a lot going on Blue;

I'm glad your talking about it. Stick around. You might find this forum is a resource for you. I see your in a pressured situation. Your not alone. How are you getting along with your husband?


Thanks Frame. My husband and I get along great. We don't argue, we spend lots of time together and have many of the same interests.

Alaska1958
Posts: 178
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm

Greetings from the far north

Postby Alaska1958 » Thu Aug 01, 2013 7:29 pm

I'm glad your relationship with your husband is good. I tend to think that that would be the most important relationship you are in right now.

I grew up being heavy and that sucks, the other kids can be pretty cruel in any case and it makes being different from the norm that much worse. The poor self esteem that we can easily develop in childhood has a tendency to follow us through life. I'm 55 and still feel like I have yet to outgrow it. It does get better, it just doesn't all go away.

Feel free to write here anytime, it can help to talk to others who can understand and being able to stay anonymous has its advantages too.

Good luck

BlueWhovian
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Aug 01, 2013 6:18 am

Postby BlueWhovian » Wed Oct 30, 2013 11:49 pm

I sometimes wonder how I continue to go on with life. I have been through so much and it’s just hard. Things seemed to be going ok for a bit, but lately it's gotten to me. For several months I was stuck in a house alone, afraid of my landlord. Now I'm in a house with my husband afraid of the woman we live with. We've been here for several months and I want to leave badly. We've slowly been working on fixing the truck and we have been keeping food in the house and do our best to help her out because she ALWAYS complains that she has so much to do here and so much to do at her mom's, but there's always backlash.

There are times I've tried to help out and she's gotten mad about it. We're staying in a room that is full of junk, I go and bag up clothes to get them out of the way, she goes through the whole room and leaves all that in there but takes out things we were using and other things.

I left it alone but have noticed other times where she talks to my husband as if he's stupid. He asks questions and says things and she flies off the handle. I hate it.
Monday we were cleaning the house up and at one point she told him that if he’d "stop watching tv or getting on the computer he might be worth a f*** to somebody.” That's not the first time she has said things like this to him. He cooks and she rants about his cooking, some of the food he buys or thinks about buying.

—He hasn’t been on the computer in several weeks no matter how much I ask if he'd like to play a certain game or something. We're still using horrible limited Wifi because we haven't gone to get our stuff from the house we were in.

When I was cleaning the room Monday I moved some stuff to put our clothes in the dresser because they were ontop and falling in the floor and her 6 dogs would use the bathroom on them. I just took the stuff from the drawers and put it in the doors on the sides of the dresser. I then put our clothes in the drawers. Since he had been staying here she was telling him the antenna and tv in the bedroom doesn't work and we would have to buy new ones. I knew none of us would have the money for them so I hooked it up to see how to fix it. They seemed to work fine and I told them when they got back from the store. She said she didn't know and that the people who stayed here before said that they didn't work.

We then went to the living room to watch The Voice and she looked at him and she suddenly flipped out and told him that
A. Just because I hooked up the antenna that didn't mean for him to take his ass to the bedroom and sit in the tv all the time.
B. That she knew they worked, she just told him that they didn't so he would leave it alone because she knew that he would "Do like everyone else has tried to do and sit in the room all the time and ignore her".
C. She’d rip it out because he "pisses her off just like her sister who would always ignore mom and watch tv when she asked her to do something and it made me want to knock the piss out of her"
D. It's not her job to make sure he has a tv and antenna in the room.

As I watched what was happening I started to hyperventilate and bawl my eyes out. I had to go into the other room because I was light headed and couldn't stand. I spent most of the time in the bedroom laying down and crying because I felt so horrible. I can't stand watching/listening to her talk to him this way and I'm scared to say anything to her. I've had chest pains and other things at times and I always worry I need to go to the hospital but he won't say anything to her about taking me and I'm too afraid she'll say something like everyone else has. I'm afraid to leave him alone with her. She has so many knives around the house that I'm afraid she'll stab him or something.

Glad2bme
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Oct 30, 2013 12:06 am

(((Hugs))) Blue

Postby Glad2bme » Thu Oct 31, 2013 1:01 am

Wow. Lots going on. Breathe and then relax and breathe some more.

Since you have some computer abilities, maybe you can research in your area about Emergency Assistance. It goes by different names, but most states have something like it. In this semi-homeless situation you're in, you can probably qualify for a 1 time grant in most states for 1st/last/security to get into a new place.

It sure would be nice if you could find a place to be where people aren't yelling at you and/or your husband all the time.

Just out of curiosity who is this woman who let's you stay with her but has absolutely NO personal boundries of her own? Is she some family to him or just a friend helping out who is over her head? Sounds like she has some control issues.

Is there any way you could call a crises line and talk for a bit or get to a counseling center or a NAMI, DBSA or other self help group where people would be able to give you some in person positive feedback? You sound like you are holding it together pretty well considering where you have come from and where you are right now. It's still pretty tough stuff.

Good luck and at least keep posting here.

G2B

BlueWhovian
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Aug 01, 2013 6:18 am

Postby BlueWhovian » Thu Oct 31, 2013 1:39 am

We met her through a friend he made at a local gas station. He would stop in and talk to him every weekend on the way home from work and he was helping us out. Well his wife was rude and didn't want him around and claimed he was using them. He said he knew a lady who lived alone and had the truck for sale and would be willing to help us out. She has let people live with her before and it would be fine. They talked like it was good and would work out. We explained that we're into games and he's into comic book things and stuff like that. She seemed fine with it. We help take care of her dogs and clean the house.


We explained we couldn't pay the $300 rent at the place we were at and that the landlord never fixed the place and made a huge deal. She then suddenly expected us to pay $400 a month in rent and that would be either one whole paycheck or half of two paychecks a month, because other people stayed here rent free and they have torn her house up badly and it's infested with roaches. She can't even get into one bedroom because of furniture she's kept from them and crammed into the room and the other is disgusting from dogs using it as a bathroom and tearing things up. She sleeps in the living room and sometimes all day long. If she gets woken up she flips out and is hateful.


My husband was raised by his grandmother who wouldn't allow him to really do anything that didn't revolve around church. His uncles never wanted anything to do with him so he's only just now learning how to fix our truck from her and she gets mad and says things like "It's a man's job to know how to fix their own vehicle. I shouldn't have to tell you what to do." and "I see now that I have to talk to him like he's a child or else he doesn't understand."

I need to do something because I can't take it here. We've been through this before and I ended up in the hospital and they stole our things and sold them and also talked bad about us and made vulgar and rude comments like she does. If I do get us help to get out of here, I don't know how that will go.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Thu Oct 31, 2013 3:25 am

OMG'sh BlueWovian,
This woman you're renting from sounds like a downright b****!! She also seems to be a few fries short of a Happy Meal. A couple beers short of a six-pack? You get my drift...

I'm really feeling for you and your husband. Your living conditions are terrible, and THEN some...I truly wish I had advice to offer that would help majestically!
However, the only thing that comes to mind is: Do everything you can to get out of there! Gather all and any resources you can muster. Secondly, stay as strong as you currently are. You will need this inner strength to work on breaking free from that hell hole.

I've read your story, and relate to some of your phobias. I understand what a hard life is, so...although I do hurt for you, I'm not surprised. But I do wish I could grab you and give you a big hug! You've been through a lot of tough and painful hurdles. Just don't let it take you down. Now, is a time to be especially strong...especially considering that you need to seek a way out of there. I know you can do it. Stay strong.

Glad2bme
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Oct 30, 2013 12:06 am

(((Hugs - Blue )))

Postby Glad2bme » Sat Nov 02, 2013 1:49 am

Just want to say that any sane and rational person would have a problem dealing with that woman and how she's treating you.

So the fact that you are holding it together at all says a lot about how strong you are.

Have faith and do the foot work.

BlueWhovian
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Aug 01, 2013 6:18 am

Postby BlueWhovian » Thu Jan 16, 2014 8:33 pm

Updates

So, since I was last able to post, I haven't been able to really get on because we couldn't buy more data/time for the Wifi hotspot. We were having to buy truck parts, deal with the things going on at the house and other stuff.

We were still unable to really give her the $400 a month but she would say that it was ok, we're keeping food in the house and trying to get the truck done, we're buying her gas and stuff, we were buying her a carton of cigs every two weeks, we were buying whatever she needed to clean with etc. November she let her cousin and a friend move in and they stayed on the boat the friend owns behind her house. They would come in and shower, eat, wash laundry and do whatever. They didn't bother paying rent like they were supposed to ($300 a month) and were always buying booze. The cousin started some issues with the friend and his girlfriend and then started in on my husband one night, was stealing things and it got so bad he was kicked out.

The friend stayed, using drugs and doing whatever he wanted, still not paying his rent. Her mother started buying a bunch of food for the house and whatever, she helped her mom a lot. We were trying to clean up her house and everything on through December. Well the Thursday after Christmas she got sick and she slept three days, I had to have her other friend take her to the ER where we found out she had Pneumonia, Bronchitis, COPD, on top of the Asthma and Emphysema we knew she already had. She didn't take her medication like she was supposed to or anything and smoked 2 packs a day so that didn't help. She was in the hospital until Friday the 3rd where she passed away in the ICU.

We had been doing as she and her mom told us and cleaning up when suddenly her mom has someone else come in to clean up, who told her the house was a wreck, and then suddenly my husband and I are being treated like crap and we were given a week to move out, papers were to be served on us. We were suddenly the horrible people. Her mom didn't even call US to tell us our friend passed away, she called the druggy friend and told him. So we manage to find a place, it's a motel turned apartments kinda deal and we're having to pay $600 a month for 1 room, a kitchen and a bathroom. Water, electric, cable and internet are included. So that's $300 out of $400something every two weeks. Trying to get foodstamps back, had to go to a church just to get the $300 for the first two weeks, a food pantry just to have food.

After all that, we end up with at one point her mom calls telling us she's sorry, she was just lashing out and the next suddenly we're the sh*ttiest people on earth once again because someone broke into the house after we left and her family didn't bother to go back until Sunday the 12th. The people who broke in ransacked the house and stole things, they had to file reports with the Sheriff and we will probably be questioned, according to her mom.

At one point she was saying we have to pay her back rent, then the next she's telling us we have to pay her back the money for the bills for the few weeks we were there before moving out. So after paying rent we'll have $138 and some change and this woman is expecting us to pay her $100 towards the bills.

I have had anxiety and depression since being here in the new place from this woman and her family finding us. I want to change our phone number and stay away from her because she's suddenly not the nice lady we came to know and we have somehow been painted as horrible people, yet druggy friend seems to be off the hook. I've started losing weight though, or so my husband says.

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Thu Jan 16, 2014 10:00 pm

Hi blue;

It's nice your back at the forum. I want you to be in the safest, least stressful place and it sounds like your better off being away from druggies living on a land locked boat. You just never know when they'll go overboard and you'd be in the middle of any mess.

If you haven't signed a lease you don't owe them anything and it's probably worth changing the phone number. It's good to have people you can rely on for help when you need it, but that doesn't sound like these people. I'm sure, if you had the money, you would want to give them their due, but it seems to me like it's not clear what their due might be; so you have to look after yourself.

You didn't break in. You weren't there to stop it and that was their choice. For all you know it was the cousin who broke in. Someone the family knew, who knew she passed away, and who knew you were gone broke in. The sheriff knows this, knows that you are not the likely suspects no matter what ideas the mom comes up with.

I hope as time goes by, your new place gets easier to afford. I pray things improve. I think we need to celebrate each victory no matter how small.

BlueWhovian
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Aug 01, 2013 6:18 am

Postby BlueWhovian » Fri Jan 17, 2014 12:45 am

Hiya Frame,

I'm glad to be back. Also want to be in the safest place possible but I feel somewhat guilty I think due to the way I was abused as a kid. I feel guilty about things that aren't even my fault. At the same time I'm having to worry my husband won't follow through with changing the number and not paying her, my sister told us that we should leave them alone and not pay them either, that they're trying to walk ontop of us. I don't want to have to deal with it all. The place we are is sort of to the side and hidden from the main road, the place was built with a bar attached and it kinda blocks us mostly and we're between two other rooms and it feels really safe, if it was open or on the end I would feel somewhat anxious, just how I've always been. I guess I'm really paranoid.

We never signed a lease and I'm afraid we can somehow be punished and she take us to court or something but it feels like harassment when we deal with her family. We're even going as far as when we can get back into college, going to a community college the next town over because her family pass by the one in our county/town everyday and the person who said we wrecked the house goes there.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Sun Jan 19, 2014 4:29 pm

Welcome back, BlueWhovian!
For now, I just want to say that I'm more than overjoyed to know you and your husband are out of that hellhole. So good to hear from you. :-)

Will get back to you soon, when I'm able.

BlueWhovian
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Aug 01, 2013 6:18 am

Postby BlueWhovian » Sun Jan 19, 2014 10:53 pm

Thanks 4everme :)

Things have been a little stressful as far as money and noise. Both neighbors work nights and so I'm paranoid about making too much noise which my husband thinks is funny -_- and so Friday he was making all kinds of noise getting ready for work and the neighbors could hear and I kept having to tell him to stop. Then when he gets home Saturday night he tells me the neighbor reported our truck for noise complaint saying we rev it up and wake him when he has to sleep in the daytime. The cop looked the truck over and said not to worry about it because it's nothing that we did or can be done after hearing our story from our friend at the gas station.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Mon Jan 20, 2014 10:17 am

Haha! I've got the same "paranoia" issues, but usually find some type of validation to back it up later! (just as you did) You were paranoid about the noise your husband was making, then wah la! What happened?? A complaint by the neighbor ensued. I'll bet your husband about it then, eh? Lol. :shock: :D


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