How I ended up here (Long Story)
Posted: Thu May 30, 2013 7:20 pm
Hello everyone
I want to share with you the events that bought me to this forum because I sometimes feel like I'm edging toward the end of the line and with my whole life ahead of me that's not somewhere I want to end up.
So here goes. Up until the age of 14 I was a pretty normal guy, I had lots of friends, many interest and most of all I really loved my life and everything about it, I lived in a happy home, my parent are well off, I have been educated well but none of that mattered after the onset of my illnesses.
I think it was the social anxiety that came first, a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me I wasn't coping in social situations but It quickly progressed to the point that passing a stranger in the street would cause my heart to leap into my mouth, I would hold my breath and physically shake with mortal fear that the person might try to interact with me, I remember jumping out my skin when a women walking her dog asked me the time and I have vague memories of mumbling something incoherent in her direction and bolting like a frightened animal.
After that flood gates just opened up and I was in the grip of severe mental health problems. I couldn't hide it from my family anymore and they took me to hospital because they thought my illness was a disease or something. By this point I had stated to have depressive and manic episodes and was later diagnosed with T1 Bipolar disorder, for my family this was the final straw, from that point my relationship with them went down hill to the point that now I just pretend with them like they are formal friends not close relatives.
I have delusions now, I go into my own world sometimes and it feels frighteningly real, my mood swings very rapidly too nowadays and I also have developed phobias, nervous ticks and am having dysphonic episodes.
My life is grim, dark, has lacked positive emotion for years and feels so desolate, isolated, so desperate. I cling on for the sake of my loved one but I get close to giving in sometimes. I am so lonely, I have desires I can't satisfy, emotion I can't express.
The worst bit is that I have all the potential for a good life, I'm rich and I have family and friends who care and love me, I have everything a normal human could ever want , all except for mental well being.
I have come here because I feel that this forum could provide me wih help and hope.
I want to share with you the events that bought me to this forum because I sometimes feel like I'm edging toward the end of the line and with my whole life ahead of me that's not somewhere I want to end up.
So here goes. Up until the age of 14 I was a pretty normal guy, I had lots of friends, many interest and most of all I really loved my life and everything about it, I lived in a happy home, my parent are well off, I have been educated well but none of that mattered after the onset of my illnesses.
I think it was the social anxiety that came first, a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me I wasn't coping in social situations but It quickly progressed to the point that passing a stranger in the street would cause my heart to leap into my mouth, I would hold my breath and physically shake with mortal fear that the person might try to interact with me, I remember jumping out my skin when a women walking her dog asked me the time and I have vague memories of mumbling something incoherent in her direction and bolting like a frightened animal.
After that flood gates just opened up and I was in the grip of severe mental health problems. I couldn't hide it from my family anymore and they took me to hospital because they thought my illness was a disease or something. By this point I had stated to have depressive and manic episodes and was later diagnosed with T1 Bipolar disorder, for my family this was the final straw, from that point my relationship with them went down hill to the point that now I just pretend with them like they are formal friends not close relatives.
I have delusions now, I go into my own world sometimes and it feels frighteningly real, my mood swings very rapidly too nowadays and I also have developed phobias, nervous ticks and am having dysphonic episodes.
My life is grim, dark, has lacked positive emotion for years and feels so desolate, isolated, so desperate. I cling on for the sake of my loved one but I get close to giving in sometimes. I am so lonely, I have desires I can't satisfy, emotion I can't express.
The worst bit is that I have all the potential for a good life, I'm rich and I have family and friends who care and love me, I have everything a normal human could ever want , all except for mental well being.
I have come here because I feel that this forum could provide me wih help and hope.