Depression Understood Forums

Hi all.
I am glad I found this place, I hope I can get some help from it.
So I thought I'd start with my story, I'll keep it as short as I can.
About two years ago I was married with a nice home and wife in France when my world was turned upside down. My wife cheated on me having already done so the previous year and when I found out it broke me in many, many ways. The details are horrible and include acts while I was even present in a bar and she disappeared for 15 minutes. As well as with one of my best friends in my own home at a party while I slept upstairs. My ex wife was obviously not happy but I will never understand why she chose to hurt me so much when she could have been honest with me? She knew how much it hurt me the first time. She hurt me more than she will ever know. Then I found out that all my friends knew all about her and had been talking about it between themselves. Another knife in my back. I realised then that I really was alone in this world. But it didn't end there, my wife then went out in town partying with all the people I thought were my friends like it was some kind of joke while I was forced to move out of the home we brought together, which just hurt even more.
Then one of the guys she had an affair with started sending me her messages she'd sent him, as sick as you could imagine. I'd already found pages and pages of mails and messages from the previous year. I probably should have left her then but I truly loved her and never imagined that it could ever happen again as it did and I thought everything was fine this time. How wrong was I.
Anyway, I totally lost my mind and ended up spending 3 months in a mental hospital which was awful and moved back home to the UK shortly after. Its been a while now but my condition has not improved in fact lately it's been getting worse. I am incredibly depressed, am unable to work and just don't know what to do. I'm on medication that has been increased recently but things just aren't getting better. I'm incredibly lonely, probably my biggest problem, have very little money and find it very difficult to meet people. I'm 35 now and thought my life was set.
I just don't know what to do sometimes and thoughts of suicide everyday don't really help things. I hope that I can find some help here and maybe make a few friends. But who knows?
Thanks for reading.
Take care.

i'm really sorry that has happened to you but you are way better off with out her or your old friends.
life throws us curve balls and they always happen when we least expect.
as to suicide having done the deed and survived i speech from experience that life is very beautiful and worth struggling through.
though money can make life a little bit easier, it is not what creates happiness.
i have found it is the small things a great cup of coffee, fantastic food , a kindness from a stranger, sitting on a park bench and looking at the wonder that is nature, helping others with a small kindness.
i fill my day with small things like this and low and behold the day is ended and it turned out to be a good one.
know that i care and you have friends on here.

Thanks, yeah I know there are lots of good things in life but sometimes the bad things and bad days just seem to take over everything. Its hard when you lose somebody you loved a lot and I am having to start again, right from the bottom.
The worse thing for me is the loneliness, which I absolutely hate, I find it difficult in my situation and at my age to meet people and I hate it so much and I think it is a big part of my depression. I'm just so used to being in a relationship and miss that a lot. If you know what I mean.

Hello Chris, I am wondering if it would be possible for you to consider changing 'What happened TO me' to 'What happened FOR me'?
Everything in life happens for a reason & that reason is always your highest good, I know it may not feel like it at the time because I have been there but if you can open up your mind to this possibility you will feel a lot better.
Chances are it has happened so that you will find somebody who won't cheat on you and will love you in the way you deserve, it's probably also happened to give you a chance to work on your self esteem as allowing your wife to treat you this way tells me you could do with exploring this issue.
When the reasons for has happened reveal themselves you will look back and laugh, again I know that seems impossible right now because you are despairing and in pain but it's true & the quickest and most painless way to get there is to accept that this has happened to make way for something much better.
As for your signature 'not letting the sadness win' sadness is the place we find healing in, a chance to go within, we don't learn & grow when we are happy, if you can try to stop making sadness bad or wrong but except it as an inherant part of life then magical things will start to happen.
In the meantime be kind to yourself, do soothing and compassionate things for yourself often, be your own best friend.
Love
Rebecca

my friend and my brother both are older than you by 5 years were in a similar situation to you they never thought that they would find someone that they could love and marry.
my brother had been in a relationship for 5 years asked her to marry and she said no he was devastated.
needless to say they my friend and brother are both married one has twins the other three boys.
my point is it is when we least expect that things happen for us the bad and the good , believe and know that your life will get better.
joining a social group be it learning martial arts,choir,helping out at your local soup kitchen for the needy etc will help to fill the loneliness, until you find yourself again.
take care of your self.