Am I depressed or what?

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Am I depressed?

Poll ended at Thu Jun 27, 2013 4:14 am

Yes, It is normal
1
100%
No, You're not.
0
No votes
 
Total votes: 1

Kaylazomg
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Apr 28, 2013 4:08 am

Am I depressed or what?

Postby Kaylazomg » Sun Apr 28, 2013 4:14 am

Hopefully i wont ramble.
Hopefully someone will answer me.
maybe this isnt the best site.

So a couple months ago I figured I have depression.
I suspect it was caused my constant stress over the course of 5+ months
and a sudden loss of a friend/bf
[I was under constant stress about school and my mom w/cancer][This stress of cancer lasted for around 4 or 5 months and school still continues to be constant stress]

[my best friend and my LAST friend I had left, We talked for years and started to date 2 mo. then he wanted a new girl and not to stay friends][one text and hes gone]

So then I was alone and it was my first relationship so I felt especially venerable

Anywho, after a few weeks I became uninterested in my usual activities (editing photos,going to the gym, going to my counselor, and volunteering) I had extreme self hatred fromm the moment I woke up to the moment in bed (at night I felt especially vulnerable to self hatred) I became extremely angry and easily frustrated. I lashed out to anyone who spoke to me. I even called my mother a B infront of my sister--just because I didnt care anymore. I felt I really wanted to hurt myself in times of anger or self hatred. I wanted to do anything to hurt myself. Luckily, I didnt.

I stopped trying to stay friends with people who were hanging onto my friendship by a thread. I just didnt care to try anymore. Now I have no friends. At all. (im online school btw)

I ultimately gave up or just lost interest in trying. Ive always been stressed and sad but I knew I wasnt depressed. Just having a hard time in life.
But. I never lost interest in my hobbies. And now I have. (also my grades are plummeting because I dont want to try to do work anymore...I just.. dont do it. )

So anywho, I never told anyone, esp. not my couselor..
First it was because if I told a doctor or my counselor, theyd ask "are you suicidal" And my natural response would be yes. Then theyd tell my mom. And my mom would tell everyone. And everyone would know and stare at me like Im going to kill myself or something

Thats still a factor (also I dont like going to my counselor anymore so I dont particularly want to talk about my feelings) but now I think a big part is pride. I dont want to seam weak to my counselor. I dont want to make it seam like I have these weak feelings. Like I wasnt strong enough to fight off this depression..
So then I dont know for sure if Im depressed and it makes me angry when people (like on here) tell me im not depressed and only a pro can tell me.

CURRENTLY I quit volunteering on wednessdays but volunteer sat.
I quit the gym, but bought an elliptical.
I quit working on current editing projects, but still sometimes work on others.
I go to my counselor, but try to avoid her and cancel or do every other than every week
I still dont try to make friends, but im interrested in having friends.

I dont have as much self hatred or loathing as before. I feel like equally hated as before the "depression" I know i should work out and lose weight but i avoid it. I know I should try and do hw, and get a job, but I avoid it.


So is it normal if youre depressed, for the first couple of months to be really bad--then you sort of settle into it? I still have no motivation or interest in trying.
(i have trichotillomania and instead of trying to not pick my eyelashes, I just do it.)

So since Im not at a constant state as I was before, does that mean Im not depressed or is it normal to be more sever in the beginning?

Im hoping to let this run its course without telling anyone and let it cure itself

Oh I forgot to add that my sleep pattern is just rediculous. Now I dont even get tired. If I were to wake 9am Id still stay up to 5am if I wanted to... (bcuz i wouldnt be tired) Everyday I sleep until 2pm
Sometimes later. I dont even try to wake up for school.
If i dont get 12 hrs sleep, then im still tired.
And I cry at what seams to be random times. (never happened b4)

nenkohai
Posts: 131
Joined: Mon Dec 03, 2012 5:01 pm

Postby nenkohai » Sun Apr 28, 2013 1:37 pm

No one here is qualified to tell you if you are depressed or not... only your doctor can make that determination

dougsan
Posts: 104
Joined: Thu Apr 11, 2013 1:59 pm
Location: Massachusetts

Postby dougsan » Wed May 08, 2013 5:19 pm

Are you depressed? No one knows but you. Contact a therapist or shrink and then two of you will know.

The thoughts of suicide you're having should be discussed with a professional. Don't know about where you live but in Massachusetts in the USA any dealings you have with a shrink are held confidential and no one, even your parents, will be told what you and the shrink talk about.

Having thoughts about suicide are a good deal more normal than you would ever believe. The thoughts must be treated as real but don't mean you will have to be sent to a shrink hospital. Talk with a professional, or your local minister, ask them first if what you tell them will be held in strict confidence. Unless you're very young (less than 16?) I believe they will respect your need for confidentiality.

You have to see a professional if you continue to feel as you do.


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