Hello and need help

[eddie1]

Hello, I am 38 and have suffered from depression since I was 24. 4 Years ago I came off my anti-depressants and began to feel much better. Last year however things changed. My best friend was diagnosed with a terminal illness, her husband left her because of it, and my dog, who I loved so much, had to be put down due to dementia. All in one month. I had been to see two councillors. The last one ended December last year. She said I have a condition called "Rumouring", where my mind will constantly play out scenario's in my head. Dozens/hundreds a day.

I live with my mum, although that will be changing this year or next. In febuary, my best friend, her son and her dog moved in with us. She no longer had a home and needed my help. She lived in down south and I lived up north. I was more than happy to help. I just recently discovered that my mum only agreed for my sake. Things went bad after just a few days. Her son's gf threatened to dump him if he didn't go back south. He was very upset, kicking the walls etc. My mum didn't like it and was getting stressed. She is 69 and is only used to me and her since my dad died.

As the weeks went by, my mum would complain to me about my friend and her son, my friend would complain about mum, and I was stuck in the middle. They were polite to each other and had nice chats, but to me it was constantly some sort of comment about each other...mainly my friend making the comments about mum. End of March and my friend and her son had a BIG argument about him wanting to go back south. My friend left the house saying she wasn't coming back and wanted to die now. I tried going after her but she told me to go away. I was sat in my chair crying and shaking. Her son was looking for her but didn't find her. A couple hours later, she started txting me and eventually came home after about 5 hours. Her son went south and she stayed.

I thought the stress would end now that her son was gone. I was wrong. They are still constantly complaining about each other to me, again, mainly my friend complaining. My mum is feeling lonely and depressed because I'm not spending uch time with her. My friend complains whenever my mum asks me to do something for her. She says it sometimes in a joking way...but I sense it isn't a joke. My friend, because of her illness, has anger issues. She can lose her temper over the slightest things. A hair clip wont go in her hair, she can't find a photo within a minute or two, she breaks a nail, etc. I can't have discussions with her most of the time because she gets very defensive. I never really knew how bad it was until she moved in with me.

This morning, I woke up and within a minute I was "rumouring". All sorts of things going through my head about this situation. I stayed there for 3 hours not wanting to get up and see them. It all had just built up that I sat in my chair crying. 30 mins or so later, my friend woke, saw my red eyes and asked if I had been crying. I said yes and told her why. From then on, things seemed good. Then, a few hours ago, my friend muttered something under her breath when I said I was going to check on mum. She had bouts of bad mood since then. I don't know how much more I can take. She is here for another 6-8 weeks. It's already been 2 months and I feel worse than I have in many years with this conflict. It has come to a point where I don't want to wake up in the mornings. Or I want to go out and not come back. My stomach is twisting every day and I feel like I want to be sick. So tired all the time. My doctor is making steps for me to see another CBT Councillor, but that could take ages. I need help now, so thought to try this forum.

[dougsan]

May I suggest eddie1 that you stop using the term "rumoring" to describe your episodes? Titles do little more than slow us down and give us something to hide behind. Use an emotion based word (scared, thoughts of forboding, etc.)

Your friend, IMO, has to go. She is a very disruptive force in your life at a time when you can't cope. Maybe when you have your act together you can invite your friend back. For now, say goodbye immediately. She will probably lay a monster of a guilt trip on you. Tell her you're sorry. That your mum and you can't deal with the ongoing trauma. That you have your own healing to work on.

Only one opinion.

[eddie1]

Thing is, she has no home. She can't leave for 6 weeks minimum or she will be on the street. I can't do that to her. We have been there for each other for 9 years. I can't abandon her when she needs me the most, even with all this. I need to find a way for me to get through the next month. I will spend more time with my mum, that will make her happier atleast.