I am having serious bad thoughts.

[to100]

The last five years have been brutal on my work-wise. I am self-employed and used to be quite successful. But I'm in Hollywood -- when you're hot you're hot. When you're not you're not.

The last five -- going on six! -- years everything -- EVERYTHING -- has fallen apart on me. And I finally thought I could see some light at the end of the tunnel, as this latest project looked like it was going to come together. And now that looks like it's going to fall apart, too.

I had a teaching job for a year that helped. But it was in Chicago, and I couldn't do my real work here in L.A. So as this latest project looked like it was a go, I quit the job to return home. They wanted me to move there, but I hated the job and wasn't all that into Chicago.

And it really looked like this project was coming together, and my focus was really needed here to see it through. I thought I was making the right decision.

Now it's all falling apart again.

I can only take so much.

I'm totally alone, except for my two dogs. I've lost quite a few of my friends over the last few years. Lost the love of my life. Combine this with spending five years on five different projects that all never came to fruition...

I honestly feel like I'd be better off dead. It's like I'm cursed or something. And I can't take it anymore.

I'm on Celexa, and that helps. But I am afraid I'm about to get torn down yet again, and this may be the last straw.

Can anyone give me a reason to go on?

[sunforyou]

the reason to go is find people who feel the same as you, especially who are young but on the edge. This is the sence of our life to help unselfish and kind people.
Look around, forget how you feel and notice the pain of others...you will see it better than anyone else cause you know how it hurts.

I ve been and experienced most of the problems that people describe here. but I found a person who helped me to see life in new colours. if you are interested in more contact me.

Sorry for my mistakes, english is not my native.

[Evie]

Keep living! Life is a struggle. It's like a competition to see who is the most successful, who accomplishes the most, who lived happiest. Never give up. Please be strong because your life is not over yet, you can still make something out of it. If you ever feel sad or frustrated or just feel like talking then message me. I want to help