My Story

[soul]

hello, my story begins in august of 1998. as far as i can remember my childhood was the main source of my (maybe) depression. I was not a "welcomed child" when i was born, all the family (grandmothers,aunts,cousins,uncles,close friends of family..ect) were against my existence except for my parents, which i think is the most important. I think i should mention that i am the smallest of my five simblings.

i have always been a very oversensitive person who keeps everything in but feels everything too much. i lived in france, i was 5 years old or so when my parents started fighting, a lot. my dad has always been the short temper type but he is usually the kindest person you could find when he is calm. The problem was, each time i heard someone shouting i started to cry, conflict has always been my greatest weakness, it is my greatest fear too. because of crying for almost everything my older brother got angry, ever since that day i have cried in a way that no one would notice; ( of course sometimes i couldnt help it though..)

moving on...i have always had an exceptional talent in learning, but aside for my personal profit this brought along the jealousy of some of my simblings.. i was being bullied by my own simblings in the times were i was the most fragile, i have to say that this made me create an outer personality (who is just an act and never really me) in self defense against any bullying or criticism. by the time i realized i was being bullied because they were jealous of my ..lets say abilities to learn faster, i started to fail on porpous in order for them to stop being jealous. and strangely with time, it worked...however along the way i tried to suicide twice... but didnt go through to the end of course so no one knows about it (my simblings have changed now and are very nice, and my parents dont fight much at all anymore so no more worries about that) but unfortunately the plan of failing on pourpous has now turned to a habit of procrastination.....

later on the road... when i was 10 we moved to spain and ever since ive realized some grave things about myself, when i went to my grandfather's funeral or when people close to me died, i literally didnt feel any emotion at all, maybe it is normal maybe its not.. i also seem to enjoy the sight of blood i dont know why... and i hope these things about me go away..really.. im a person who is trying to become perfect and kind...so this things about me are really bothersome ... if someone can help me to get rid of them i would appreciate it..

now... currently i have had many episodes in my short life so far, i just left my more then friend a week ago and have been deeply hurt by that person because that person criticized me when i finally built up the courage to finally entirely trust that person.

my hobbies are usually cooking (pastries) drawing (manga/anime) and reading (books/manga) Oh and also, i used to have slight insomnia as a child, and im currently having very hard times getting to sleep lately..

i give you my honnest sincerity
soul

[metaLarsllica]

((((((((((( Soul )))))))))))

Sounds like you have come along way. Please feel free to come to our chatroom, there are many there that could relate.

meta

[soul]

thanks you, i will check it out..

soul