Hi.(trigger)

[nikki96]

My name is Nikki. I'm 16 years old. Every night I cry myself to sleep. Ever since i was 13. I never thought about doing anything about it. It became normal. Just recently, I've gotten tired of all the depression. I decided to start self harming. But honestly, its making it worse. I'm constantly worried someone is going to see. I'm already looked at as a werido at school. I go to a small private school, news spreads around there fast. I dont know what to do. The reason for the depression just gets worse. More reasons appear. Everyday. Ever since i was little, bout 7, ive been molested by my cousin and step brother. No one knows. Just last year, i basically got raped by my step brothers cousin. No one knows that either. My father left me when i was born. He ignores the fact that i even exist. My dad, the person i always though was my father, lives far away. I only get to see him once a year. I live in a camper with my mom and step dad. They always fight and i always feel its because of me. I cause problems all the time. Most of the time i feel like i should never have been born. I feel like a waste of space. At school, im just the weird stupid silent girl that no one pays attention to. I cant even do school right. I have suicidal thoughts all the time. It feels like no one would even care. I've tried to but i always chicken out. Im scared to leave my mom behind. Thats why i started self-harming. I just dont know what to do any more.

[soul]

hello there, i can completely understand that feeling of crying yourself to sleep everynight,i only stopped doing so since last year. i know how terrible it is to keep all the pains to yourself during the day and that later at night you can finally crack and start crying by yourself... i would advice you to go out some day to the woods or a park, any peaceful place where you can be alone but be secure with yourself, try listening to music and relax to take a moment to organize your thoughts. i dont know if it might work for you, but it helps me out a lot each time im feeling sad, it cheers me up a bit going to a peaceful place listening to music and organize my thoughts.

try finding that one thing that makes you happy or makes you forget about your worries and think of that each time you are about to cry..maybe it can help you feel less depressed?

i would really give you a cuddly hug if i could right now ... i would need one too actually..

really sincerely
soul

[Terri]

I know we're your coming from, a very long time ago that was me.
Wish I could give you both a big bear hug.
Hugs to you all

[soul]

thank you for the thought, (i like bear hugs..)

bear hugs back
soul

[metaLarsllica]

(((((((((((( nikki ))))))))))))

[Evie]

Q_Q I can totally relate to you! I'm a 16yr old girl just like you and I cry myself to sleep every night. Sometimes I don't know why I cry but I just feel so sad so sad and burst into tears. I'm a very sad person but I force a smile on my face whenever I'm in public. It's disgusting how fake I am. I'm ignored in school too. No one wants to talk to the quiet girl sitting in the back of the class always looking out the window. Also, I self harm. I started since I kindergarden, hanging myself upside down whenever my mom scolded me. I got older and would start punching myself or throwing myself against a wall. Later I would start dropping heavy objects on my legs to try and bruise myself. I never understood what self harm was back then but I was just born like that I guess. Since the earliest I can remember I would pick at my cuts and take off my scabs and pick at my bruises and I still do, except now I make them even worse than they are. In 2011 I decided to pick up a razor blade and try that. I've stopped once school started in fall. Then in the fall of 2012 I started self harming again. After a one year break I was back and worst this time. I don't use blades anymore because of my fear that my parents will find out which they almost did. I scratch and scratch and I've become addicted. I keep going till my whole hand is covered in blood and it drips into a pool on the floor. I beat the crap out of myself causing some nasty bruising. I choke myself till everything starts becoming fuzzy. I've experiencing the worst depression in my little life so far right now and since the fall. I've thought about suicide many many times and I've almost gone to try and attempt it, but the thought of my parents stops me. I don't want them to be sad and know that I've been suffering so much that I wanted to die. And I'm really sorry about the rapes. Please if you want to talk know that I'm here anytime Sorry for the long response. I want just want to help ^^