hopeless & worthless

[adriennefeist]

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't feel like I'm good at anything. I'm always doing something wrong. I make a lot of mistakes in whatever I'm doing. When I was in school I made mistakes on my school work and now I do the same on my job. I have poor memory, Im always forgetting things. I forget birthdays of people important to me, processes at work,. I just can't seem to remember anything, I honestly don't know how I made it through school and graduated .I'm not good at anything because I make so many mistakes and am forgetful, I don't excel at anything. Oh, did I add that I'm introverted which makes life more interesting.I feel like I don't know how to engage in conversation, everyone seems so much smarter and more informed than me or have more "mainstream" interests like sports, which I have never cared for.Im already almost 30 yrs old but everytime im in a group and I will try to open my mouth it seems like they love to make fun of me,maybe because I talk non sense and Im too stupid for them.Even my own family thinks im so weird especially my mom,sometimes I hear her talking to my Dad and sister that I don’t know how to talk.I am extremy shy person,I only have few friends,most of them I haven’t seen in awhile since I started working abroad. I was never popular, exceptionally pretty, slim or greatly talented. Although people tell me I'm pretty, I honestly don't know what they are talking about or looking at. I do like to draw,I was told before that I have very artistic hands but after highschool I haven’t draw anything so now im trying again but its not as good as when I was younger.
At work im getting treated very badly,I been working for company for 3 yrs already but until now I’m still
Getting scolded by my managers,everybody says that I don’t know how to work properly.I always tend to make a lot of mistakes and Im very forgetful.I do everything all the hardwork compared to my colleageus but most of the time I don’t get recognition from them,they always notice my mistakes .Now I am on my third year,everybody is getting promoted,except me,my batchmates even the junior staffs but I still have the same position.I thought so many million times of leaving my job and looking for another one but I don’t have any choice but to stay.as of now I am the only one working for my family,Ihave to support them.plus I don’t have any savings that’s why I cant stop working.I already lose so much hope in becoming a better person,I feel like my whole life Im really worthless,nobody even likes me because of my personality,even my own Mom and sister is ashamed of me.the only person that makes me happy is my bf,he accepted me for who I am,and he is the only one who understands my attitude.but im very scared that in the furure he will leave me coz he might feel bored with me and realized there is someone better for him.right now I am thinking of just ending my life,anyway I will be miserable in this coming years and I don’t want my future kids to see what a loser their mother is,but now I cant coz If I do nobody will support my family and I dont want to leave my BF..But I don’t know what to do with life anymore,everything doesn’t end up like what I wanted.i Feel like everybody is moving forward except from me.I still feel the same person I was 20 yrs ago,nothing really changed,same old introverted worthless girl.All I do is daydream that I was a different person with a better life.the only thing that’s really making me ok now is my BF.he is the only I got.i don’t know if there is any solution to this kind of misery or will I still get cured….

[myhauger]

I am so very sorry for all that you have gone through. Iknow how you feel. Most of my life has been a struggle. Its been one thing after another. I wasn't popular in school and was often made fun of. My mom and sister wants nothing to do with me. Art, I feel can be helpful at times. It is theraputic. I love art and I love to write as well. don't be so hard on yourself, you are a wonderful person.