torn from the girl of my dreams

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dmiraie
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:28 pm

torn from the girl of my dreams

Postby dmiraie » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:37 am

first off, i'm a weak person. eight months ago, i was suicidal and ready to take action and kill myself. i looked up methods. i was suicidal because i hated/hate my body. i've built up a massive complex about it, and i hate the way i look. i've been working out with extreme persistance and dedication for four years, and i've made almost zero progress. i spent countless sacrifices of money, time, and isolation from family and friends and the world around me. i let it destroy my social skills during their most important time of development in highschool, and i was alone and miserable and hopeless.

then i met a girl, a younger girl, almost 16, and i started seeing her. i just turned 20, by the way.i'm not a bad person, and i would never take advantage of her, and i fell very very in love with her. she did the same with me. we had to operate in secret, becaues her parents had already told me i couldn't see her, but that was after we fell in love. i am still so f****** in love with her. for eight months, we were inseprable(in secret). i bought her a secret cell phone, and when i couldn't see her, we'd talk for hours, sometimes all night long. at night, she'd sneak out of her house and we'd meet up and talk and she'd kiss me and i'd wrap my arms around her and just hold her and she'd cry on my shoulder and i'd tell her how much i loved her and she'd write me poems and guitar songs and we had a journal that we'd transfer back and forth and pour our hearts out into it when we couldn't see eachother, and i couldn't wait for her to call me or to hear her voice, and her beautiful laugh, and she loved me for who i really am, and my sense of humor, and she thought i was cute and amazing and i told her she was the girl of my dreams. we'd go to movies at night, and i'd sneak her out to dinner sometimes, and i'd just stare into her eyes and find true love and happiness right there, in my arms. we couldn't possibly be closer. two people coudln't possibly love eachother more. i told her i wanted to marry her someday. she said she wanted to have two kids with me, a boy named keenan, and a girl named charlie. i told her i would buy us a nice house in portland someday, and that i wanted to make all her dreams come true. i wanted and want to give this girl everything i can possibly have to give. she is the person that makes life worth living, and that makes me complete.
than her parents found out about us, and they put a restraining order on me. it will last for possibly two years, and i am ready to kill myself. being with her made everything else in my life work out and work perfectly. my future seemed so amazing and exciting. she's all i can think about, and i can't stop crying. the last time she snuck a phone call to me, she was crying the whole time and couldn't stop telling me how much she missed me and how much she loved me and how afraid she was of losing me. now, if it's discovered that i even email her, or her parents, i will be sent to jail. i'm miserable and suicidal again, and life is trying to strip away from me the one thing that i love so dearly and intensely and can't let go of.
memories of her and i swirl through my head, relentlessly, - us kissing for the first time, and her beautiful face snoring next to me as we lay together in her bed, and how she'd start to bawl up as we'd meet up after a long while where we couldn't see eachother, her giggling at my stpid jokes and my sense of humor, and how i worked at a pizza shop and i'd make a personal pizza and write "flap jack" on it, in mayo(that was one of the names i called her) and i'd deliver it to her secretly, and her eyes would light up, and we'd kiss and we'd hug and i'd feel completely happy, and she'd burn me cd's of her favorite songs and her recorded voice telling me how much she loved me, and i'd buy her jelly beans and mexican food and she'd get all excited and i'd inspire her and she'd inspire me, and now. ... i miss her so much and i know i'll never find a more perfect girl, and i want to die so BAD... i miss her and i'm going insane and nothing seems to help...... f*** fuckc f***

Emotional_77
Posts: 850
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:21 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

Postby Emotional_77 » Wed Feb 27, 2008 8:04 pm

wow.. thats awful!!!! *HUGS*. I hope everything works out for you, that is possibly the most horrible way to lose someone.. but do not ever attempt your suicide feelings, just think about the girl you love and live for her. Sure she is not in your life but she is in your heart and yours in hers. Imagine if she found out if you killed yourself how much more heartbroken she would be. Be strong for her and yourself, things will work out if its meant to. Im here if you ever need to talk anad the chatroom is available 24/7. *HUGS*

Bree
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Apr 13, 2008 5:35 am

Postby Bree » Sun Apr 13, 2008 8:51 am

I saw this post and immediately i understood you. I know that what u feel is the most terrible, scary feeling in all the world. Its like something u probably never thought you could feel, but you know there is at least a positive to the situation, and that is that she feels the same way still. Even though you may not be able to see each other, at least you know that she is feeling the same way and that no matter what love is strong enough to do that to people. Its not worth hurting yourself over, if you can try to feel strong enough in yourself knowing that what you have with her is very special and you have had alot of great times and that hopefully in the future there will be more, then you will probably start to feel a bit better day by day. surround yourself with other people that love you like your friends and family : )

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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Sun Apr 20, 2008 11:44 am

((((((((((((((( dmiraie )))))))))))))))))))

A hug to let you know that people do care.

Warmie 8)


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