My story

[Sophie_unhappy]

I have always been a very happy but sensitive person. I've got a masters from a very eminent college. I married the guy I loved. But things have started going downhill in the last 2 years. I quit my job 3 years ago so that I could have time with my husband. In the mean time I started preparing for a Phd. I also got admission into PhD. Things began to go haywire. The college i joined for PhD didn't live up to my expectation. I found it very difficult to adjust to the culture in college. Here everybody works in isolation and nobody trusts anybody. Since I didn't have a job and all my other friends did, i was pretty much alone. My husband also works long hours at his job. So the whole day I just wait for him to come home so that I have somebody to talk to. All my friends have high paying jobs and are getting promoted while I am still struggling with my PhD. It makes me feel like such a loser. I find it difficult to deal with my role as a dependent, asking my husband for things. I have been hurt at times because he refused to buy things that I enjoyed like books and stuff to decorate our home. Since I am touching 30, everybody in my family has been telling me to start a family. My parents expect me to give my husband first priority. So I am expected to cook, clean, take care of everything alone, do my PhD, have a baby and entertain guests. I asked my husband to help me with my phd work as I have been helping him all these years. But he says he doesn't have time. Recently he changed his job and the new job keeps him away from home mostly. All my close friends have moved out of the country. The growing expectations, constant pressure, my loneliness, the increasing distance in my relationship have killed my happy spirit. I feel so alone. There has not been a single day in the last year, that I haven't cried myself to sleep. I feel like such a failure. I can not sleep. I have constant headaches. I can't concentrate on anything. I've lost interest in all the things i used to do earlier. Everything seems to be a farce. I am so angry all the time. I've become so cynical. I feel like I am in a huge mess which I can't sort out.

[dd-va]

Hi Sophie,
I am sorry to hear that you are so frustrated. Have you considered seeing someone about these feelings, a doctor or therapist? Maybe having someone to talk to about the way you are feeling will help you in dealing with these frustrations. Also, venting here is another great resource. I hope things become easier for you soon. Take Care.