I can't do this any more
Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 8:09 am
I am a 22 years old mother of 4 ..
my mother -god bless her sole - died about a year ago, due to a cardiac problem . She was my mother , my sister and my best friend . she died , leaving me and my 5 brothers , alone . Our father is never around . his job is abroad . only two months after my mothers death he got married . witch was a huge shock to every body .. he became detached from us ever since . leaving us 100% alone .except for a paycheck and a 10 min phone call every now and then . with no help from any body i had to raise 4 boys hows ages rang between 10-15 , manage the house and study , im a medicine student. I felt like every thing I am doing is ether not enough or just wrong . between this and that . i completely loss the ability to communicate with my friends , i was always preoccupied and busy.. then i just lost it, my grades where going down , my brothers grades where also falling , the relationship with my friends became diminished and its all my fault , im gust not enough , i even got engaged for all the wrong reasons . just to feel that i have some support in my life ,, but instead , i feel pressured , i cant be what he needs me to be , he deserves more than I can offer,, i am a part time mom ,,
a part time student ,, and a part time Fiancee .. and i cant do this any more.. i wished for death ,, i wished for mental illness .. some thing big so i no longer feel my disappointment in my self ..
my mother -god bless her sole - died about a year ago, due to a cardiac problem . She was my mother , my sister and my best friend . she died , leaving me and my 5 brothers , alone . Our father is never around . his job is abroad . only two months after my mothers death he got married . witch was a huge shock to every body .. he became detached from us ever since . leaving us 100% alone .except for a paycheck and a 10 min phone call every now and then . with no help from any body i had to raise 4 boys hows ages rang between 10-15 , manage the house and study , im a medicine student. I felt like every thing I am doing is ether not enough or just wrong . between this and that . i completely loss the ability to communicate with my friends , i was always preoccupied and busy.. then i just lost it, my grades where going down , my brothers grades where also falling , the relationship with my friends became diminished and its all my fault , im gust not enough , i even got engaged for all the wrong reasons . just to feel that i have some support in my life ,, but instead , i feel pressured , i cant be what he needs me to be , he deserves more than I can offer,, i am a part time mom ,,
a part time student ,, and a part time Fiancee .. and i cant do this any more.. i wished for death ,, i wished for mental illness .. some thing big so i no longer feel my disappointment in my self ..