Depression Understood Forums

Well so far I find the opposite of what i expected -- people who are similar to me. I have been depressed my whole life and tried to "treat" myself with food, alcohol, and drugs -- and now have to accept that I have ruined and wasted a beautiful person, turned her ugly, and have no hope. I mean, I know I have a tiny bit, but because part of my prob is obsession with looks, I am now almost forty and freaking out at the fact that eating disorder stuff and drink and drugs have made me unbearably ugly. A guy from h.s. just saw me and didn't recognize me, that's how haggard I look. I was never confident about my appearance but now it's a million times worse. You see, in my case, I KNOW why I'm depressed -- I feel helpless and trapped by my mistakes, and too used to feeling crappy to change it. Most people so far (I just joined today when I found myself hoping to have cancer so that I could then just die) have been young (and therefore have hope) and don't seem to have an actual thing that is depressing them. I am considering prostituting myself for plastic surgery, since with depression any typical job is too hard -- attendance issues, you know. I've always been smart and hard-working,,,,WHEN I am at the job or at school. But I always would miss days because when I got out of bed and looked in the mirror I knew I was too ugly to be seen. Does ANYONE out there get this, or should I start looking for a body dysmorphic site/depression/addiction site?

I have never done drugs but I know how it feels when you feel your body image is just......you can't even go into public anymroe. I am fat, and there is no way around that when I get older I'll be getting to big and my knees won't take it anymore. I have an ugly face and had to grow my hair out to hide it. I can't even stand looking myself in the mirror anymore and I see no hope at all now. I just want to let you know your not alone at this my existence is very bleak as well.

Ryan and nadiahoney: hugs to both of you!! This is what these forums are for...finding people we can identify with and finding comfort in realizing we are not alone. I wish you both the best, take care!