Current problem....boyfriend with anger issues
Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 9:30 am
So new problems arise constantly and right now is my dear boyfriend who has some anger issues.
I have a really badly paid job, as I am on a sabatical, returning to studies in September.
Anyway, I met this wonderful man, I still had my ex and he was with someone (who is not in this country btw Sweden)
We both fell in love and we were both unhappy in our current relationships.
Problem was he doesn´t have any legal papers here so he was scared that if he ended his relationship with his current gf she would report him, which she had been threating to do so many times. So we decided to keep our relationship secret, and he would go back to bolivia to fix the problem with his gf and the papers. Now in 2 weeks he is off to Bolivia and we´ve been together for almost 6 months. It has been difficult as we had to hide the whole time and I had to pretend I am no one to him, because the latin community well....they like to talk alot.
I had been feeling uncomfortable with this the whole time but I tried to think that he is honest.
He lost the few hours of job he had so everything went downhill, but I am quite good in economics so I managed to help him with all the payments. Obviously most of my salary went to him but since I love him...what things we do for love huh...
But with time, more problems came up and even tho I always found a solution to them he kept getting angry and he started to shout at me and insult me, he broke up with me a few times and he has come home from work drunk a few times......it´s been a rough time.
When he is calm, he is the sweetest guy and he says that when he goes back to Bolivia he will find some therapy for him and he accepts that he has anger issues. But he also says that I have to stop annoy him and say stupid things...........which is quite difficult because he says everything I say is stupid.
So this last fight was horrible.....
Friday he told me his microphone and whatnot didn´t work (he works as DJ) and he needs a replacement for the last 3 weekend he is going to work. I told him I doný have money, I need to keep the money that I have which isnt more than 500 dollars, so we can pay the rent for his room and that he has something when he travels to Bolivia, because we are going to apply for visa as a partner. Friday night everything was calm tho, we went to have a drink and he was wonderful, defending me against some psycho women who came up to me and started insulting me.
Saturday morning, I woke up and he was with his computer ,doing something with his music, I tried to kiss him but he waved me away and the way he did it I noticed he was in a bad mood.
I asked him if he needed any help or what we could do with his microphone but he was just angry and said he needs the money for the rent and I told him that ok sure, let´s go to the mall and I´ll give it to you. But he didn´t do anything and then just told me to pack my stuff and literally threw me out and said "I´ll call".
At home I wrote a message to me asking why he was angry to me I hadn´t done anything but please to calm himself and we can talk it out.
He said not to tire him and stop calling and writing him and he said "I know it is my work and it doesn´t affect you if something goes wrong, now I am ashamedI had to call someone to ask if I could borrow their equipment and I have to help them with something on sunday".
And I wrote to him that, I do care but when I brought it up last night he didn´t want to talk about it but I would help him if I could. I said, if you really want I can go and buy the stuff for you. But he wrote back to me saying, your reaction is too late, I already had to call this person. I called him and now I wish I didn´t he yelled at me so horrible and said he never wants to see me again.
Then later it came a message saying. I only want to see you monday cos I need the money for my rent, nothing more. If the last things he has to do is to sell his equipment to get money then be it so but I don´t want anything from you anymore, don´t buy anything I don´t need your help. Thanks. Bye.
I talked to my mom today, I already had problems with her cos I needed to borrow money to help pay my bf at one point but I had finally paid her back. I wrote a message to him saying I talked to her and now I needed to talk to him.....so I will see what happends, maybe he is sleeping or helping his friend right now cos he hasn´t responded. But using my mother as a reason to tak to him is the only thing I can do, he respects her a lot and doesn´t want her to think bad of him.
I don´t know, maybe I am the one acting the wrong way or something, I don´t know, these situations always confuse me. Like I said he has done this before and we´ve come together in the end, he told his mother already about me so I doubt he will pull back now.
I just wish we could manage to get to the day he leaves without another fight but now it has happened.
At this point I feel a bit disgusted by myself for having to beg him to come back to me and beg him to forgive hima nd admit to errors that I didn´t even know I committed...
But I just want to give him a chance to go to this therapy....
I´ve sold my gold, taken up credits and used all my money for him, only thing I bought for me was a laptop, which was expensive but I really needed one, I had been without one for two months and I need it to apply for other jobs and well I don´t see why I need to explain why I buy something for myself with the money I earned from working....
But it feels like nothing is every enough for him.....he has at several occasions said that "we would have enough money if you wouldn´t have bought that laptop" and I say to him.....but I haven´t bought anything else for me and I needed it and I worked hard for the money, in a job I hate and that pays me almost nothing, am I not allowed it?
And to that his reaction is always anger and "yes it´s your money so keep it to yourself, leave me be I am not dependant on anyone."
He always had his ticks....like me on my way to his house and call him to ask him if I can buy something he would like, and he gets angry saying that it is stupid to ask that when I know he doesn´t have anything and if I really loved him I would just bring him without asking. I don´t know, maybe I did something wrong there, but I tried to tell him my intentions were good, I wanted to ask what exactly he wanted, because in the end, he doesn´t always like what I buy.....
Uff so long story...sorry....I don´t know what other peoples opinion is....
I am worried about tomorrow tho....I love him so intensely...
I think is resolved itself.....got a message, he is still angry and said, forget me I am going to Bolivia and I am staying there for good....
I have a really badly paid job, as I am on a sabatical, returning to studies in September.
Anyway, I met this wonderful man, I still had my ex and he was with someone (who is not in this country btw Sweden)
We both fell in love and we were both unhappy in our current relationships.
Problem was he doesn´t have any legal papers here so he was scared that if he ended his relationship with his current gf she would report him, which she had been threating to do so many times. So we decided to keep our relationship secret, and he would go back to bolivia to fix the problem with his gf and the papers. Now in 2 weeks he is off to Bolivia and we´ve been together for almost 6 months. It has been difficult as we had to hide the whole time and I had to pretend I am no one to him, because the latin community well....they like to talk alot.
I had been feeling uncomfortable with this the whole time but I tried to think that he is honest.
He lost the few hours of job he had so everything went downhill, but I am quite good in economics so I managed to help him with all the payments. Obviously most of my salary went to him but since I love him...what things we do for love huh...
But with time, more problems came up and even tho I always found a solution to them he kept getting angry and he started to shout at me and insult me, he broke up with me a few times and he has come home from work drunk a few times......it´s been a rough time.
When he is calm, he is the sweetest guy and he says that when he goes back to Bolivia he will find some therapy for him and he accepts that he has anger issues. But he also says that I have to stop annoy him and say stupid things...........which is quite difficult because he says everything I say is stupid.
So this last fight was horrible.....
Friday he told me his microphone and whatnot didn´t work (he works as DJ) and he needs a replacement for the last 3 weekend he is going to work. I told him I doný have money, I need to keep the money that I have which isnt more than 500 dollars, so we can pay the rent for his room and that he has something when he travels to Bolivia, because we are going to apply for visa as a partner. Friday night everything was calm tho, we went to have a drink and he was wonderful, defending me against some psycho women who came up to me and started insulting me.
Saturday morning, I woke up and he was with his computer ,doing something with his music, I tried to kiss him but he waved me away and the way he did it I noticed he was in a bad mood.
I asked him if he needed any help or what we could do with his microphone but he was just angry and said he needs the money for the rent and I told him that ok sure, let´s go to the mall and I´ll give it to you. But he didn´t do anything and then just told me to pack my stuff and literally threw me out and said "I´ll call".
At home I wrote a message to me asking why he was angry to me I hadn´t done anything but please to calm himself and we can talk it out.
He said not to tire him and stop calling and writing him and he said "I know it is my work and it doesn´t affect you if something goes wrong, now I am ashamedI had to call someone to ask if I could borrow their equipment and I have to help them with something on sunday".
And I wrote to him that, I do care but when I brought it up last night he didn´t want to talk about it but I would help him if I could. I said, if you really want I can go and buy the stuff for you. But he wrote back to me saying, your reaction is too late, I already had to call this person. I called him and now I wish I didn´t he yelled at me so horrible and said he never wants to see me again.
Then later it came a message saying. I only want to see you monday cos I need the money for my rent, nothing more. If the last things he has to do is to sell his equipment to get money then be it so but I don´t want anything from you anymore, don´t buy anything I don´t need your help. Thanks. Bye.
I talked to my mom today, I already had problems with her cos I needed to borrow money to help pay my bf at one point but I had finally paid her back. I wrote a message to him saying I talked to her and now I needed to talk to him.....so I will see what happends, maybe he is sleeping or helping his friend right now cos he hasn´t responded. But using my mother as a reason to tak to him is the only thing I can do, he respects her a lot and doesn´t want her to think bad of him.
I don´t know, maybe I am the one acting the wrong way or something, I don´t know, these situations always confuse me. Like I said he has done this before and we´ve come together in the end, he told his mother already about me so I doubt he will pull back now.
I just wish we could manage to get to the day he leaves without another fight but now it has happened.
At this point I feel a bit disgusted by myself for having to beg him to come back to me and beg him to forgive hima nd admit to errors that I didn´t even know I committed...
But I just want to give him a chance to go to this therapy....
I´ve sold my gold, taken up credits and used all my money for him, only thing I bought for me was a laptop, which was expensive but I really needed one, I had been without one for two months and I need it to apply for other jobs and well I don´t see why I need to explain why I buy something for myself with the money I earned from working....
But it feels like nothing is every enough for him.....he has at several occasions said that "we would have enough money if you wouldn´t have bought that laptop" and I say to him.....but I haven´t bought anything else for me and I needed it and I worked hard for the money, in a job I hate and that pays me almost nothing, am I not allowed it?
And to that his reaction is always anger and "yes it´s your money so keep it to yourself, leave me be I am not dependant on anyone."
He always had his ticks....like me on my way to his house and call him to ask him if I can buy something he would like, and he gets angry saying that it is stupid to ask that when I know he doesn´t have anything and if I really loved him I would just bring him without asking. I don´t know, maybe I did something wrong there, but I tried to tell him my intentions were good, I wanted to ask what exactly he wanted, because in the end, he doesn´t always like what I buy.....
Uff so long story...sorry....I don´t know what other peoples opinion is....
I am worried about tomorrow tho....I love him so intensely...
I think is resolved itself.....got a message, he is still angry and said, forget me I am going to Bolivia and I am staying there for good....