Connected by the Stars: My sister and I
Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 2:55 am
My name is Sarah Jane. Well, actually just Sarah but since my grandmother passed away I use my middle name always (she was Mary Jane). This will not be my story, all of my dilemmas have filled many notebooks, but it will be a much more important one: my love for my sister.
A little background: I was diagnosed with bi-polar 1 when I was 17. Now I am 24. My beautiful, bright, role-model of a sister has anxiety, and in the past had panic attacks. Now she is getting depressed. The awful feeling of emptiness has occurred too often in my life. Because I know the torture of depression I am so sad for my Bella (her name is actually Ann).
She is beyond amazing and currently living in a time-zone 16 hours ahead of me. She is in the Marshal Islands doing a program to help teach kids English. She has been there for about half a year and has to stay there for a whole year. She is 25 and has always been my idol as well as my best friend. Not being able to comfort her is worse then my depression I feel now. I have been down but she's stuck on an island. I miss my love.
Well I guess I'm getting to the point of "my story." I still live at home and I sleep in her former room. She hung plastic stars on her wall and every night I think of her, hoping she is safe. They bring me to her and I'm less sad that she is so far away. Also in her latest letter she said she was training for a half marathon and wondered if I was game. When I was depressed for the first time I ran for hours. As always she is going to make me stronger. And every time I tie up my shoes and jog around my town I know she'll be with me. The greatest reason I have to not give up is it would hurt what matters most to me, my loved ones. So when she gets home I'll be here ready to give her all the love she showed me when I was trapped in a hospital or inside myself. Until then... I can only stare at fake plastic stars.
A little background: I was diagnosed with bi-polar 1 when I was 17. Now I am 24. My beautiful, bright, role-model of a sister has anxiety, and in the past had panic attacks. Now she is getting depressed. The awful feeling of emptiness has occurred too often in my life. Because I know the torture of depression I am so sad for my Bella (her name is actually Ann).
She is beyond amazing and currently living in a time-zone 16 hours ahead of me. She is in the Marshal Islands doing a program to help teach kids English. She has been there for about half a year and has to stay there for a whole year. She is 25 and has always been my idol as well as my best friend. Not being able to comfort her is worse then my depression I feel now. I have been down but she's stuck on an island. I miss my love.
Well I guess I'm getting to the point of "my story." I still live at home and I sleep in her former room. She hung plastic stars on her wall and every night I think of her, hoping she is safe. They bring me to her and I'm less sad that she is so far away. Also in her latest letter she said she was training for a half marathon and wondered if I was game. When I was depressed for the first time I ran for hours. As always she is going to make me stronger. And every time I tie up my shoes and jog around my town I know she'll be with me. The greatest reason I have to not give up is it would hurt what matters most to me, my loved ones. So when she gets home I'll be here ready to give her all the love she showed me when I was trapped in a hospital or inside myself. Until then... I can only stare at fake plastic stars.
