Depression Understood Forums

Hi all, new here. Just want to give a litte intro. I just celebrated my 31st birthday and it has been quite a rough year for me. I have always felt sad, pessimistic, anxiety-ridden but brushed it off...but last April I lost my job, a position I held since I was 23. It had been my only professional job but very busy. I worked well over 40 hours a week from dawn until dusk. I complained but I loved the money, perks etc. My boss suffered some medical issues and subsequently retired. I was laid off and completely panicked. Six months on unemployment did not help. Couple that with feeling like I have to do everything for everybody in my life: my sisters, nieces/nephews, parents with medical issues. I feel trapped and frustrated. My family treays me like dirt too, mostly, because I am not married/ have kids...I have never seen a doctor about this because I am fearful. I don't know why but fear is preventing me from making a lot of life decisions and I wish it wasn't. I started a new job, much slower pace but I'm not enjoying it at all. I miss my old job and now think I want a new career. I have nowhere to turn and am here looking for advice on how to move forward. Thanks for listening.

Fear is a very powerful motivator. It can also hinder us. I think what most people fear from doctors is finding out something is wrong. But that's not true. When you go see a doctor and get a diagnosis, it's not something new you are getting. You are just getting a name to what you already have been suffering from. And once it's named, you can learn and understand a lot more about it and how to treat it.

I know for me, the fear came from having to relive my experiences again. But then I realised, I already was reliving it. Every time I made a decision, every time i woke up in a nightmare, every time i allowed my emotions to stop me from living a full life.... i was not only reliving it but allowing it to control me. I knew it was time to take back control. I sat down and wrote out everything. What i had lived thru. What i was feeling and why. What i wanted to change. What goals i wish i could strive for. Then I made an apt and went. I gave what i wrote to my doc. It made it so much easier to talk after that.