On The Pursuit Of Happiness...

[MisterLonely]

Well it all began when I was going into freshmanyear highschool, I was 15 at the time. I began doing drugs, I got paranoid and got worse everyday, I noticed at school my friends stopped being near me and I was being ignored and isolated. I began hear people talking bad about me spreading stuff that wasnt true. It got to the point where I said screw it and left school and stopped hanging out with my friends. After that happened I went home and began getting depressed and starting smoking marijuana and smoking ciggarettes. My brother who knew I was depressed brought over what use to be my friends who betrayed me which enraged me so much. I never thought he would do this to me and it got worse. I couldnt live in this condition and my mentality got worse. I ended up moving with my mom since I couldnt live there with my dad and and she tried to get me back in school and she tried to force me back into school and I said no, everytime I was dropped off at school I was would walk inside the school for 2 minutes then walk out to make sure she left. Then I would wait outside on a bus stop near my house for the rest of the day because I didnt have house keys at the time until she came home. After that I began doing bad things I regret doing... I Later overdose or smoked something bad and ended up in the hospital making my situation worse because hospital bills arent going to pay themselves. Made me feel even more worthless. I feel like a failure and still do. After that happened I got into therapy because I couldnt stop crying because I knew there was no turning back and I wanted to end it all. After a few years of therapy I did cope with some of my anxiety like going into public areas and talking with other people and lowered my panic attacks alot more and quit doing drugs now. I got my GED this year, well I actually finished my GED last year but I had to go through alot of crap because of registration stuff not going through. Everyday I did go to GED I felt like dying and vomiting but I hanged in there and did it. After that I got a job, I really thought I could do this. At the time I didnt have reliable transportation so I had to take a car to work and every day I woke up to go to work I felt like vomitting and a gut churning knot in my stomach and feeling like I was gonna crash in my car on the way to work. I managed to last a week of pure anxiety and pressure at work. I was kinda proud I lasted that long. After I quit my job...Well its been all the same... Everyday I wake up...Eat...Get on the computer for 10+ hours...take a crap and piss...eat...then go to sleep...and repeat... I think everyday I will do something different... But I dont... I know... Its just sad and the fact I like never leave my house .... Im a prisoner in my own mind and room... And Now I have different plans... Hopefully when I become physically fit and get some cash in my pocket soon I will get out of here and never become a burden again to my family and hope for the best for them all. I just hate wasting their food and money... Im almost 19 now... So its about time I leave the nest...Maybe someday I will return...

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Hi MisterLonely,

Welcome. Have you visited the depression chat room. People there you can talk with and really understand, caring and helpful members. Hope you make a visit there as well. Please continue posting, it does help.

Warmsoul

[loliowe]

Hi Jeanie

Sounds like you are going through what most people your age experience as far as experimenting with getting high and making bad choices while using. Sounds like you were in treatment whether voluntarily or involuntarily. Maybe you need to start going to meetings or enroll in another program. Having already been in a program Im sure you know how helpful they can be so you should have no fear of returning. Or like I said try meetings to get your strength up to fight falling back into that way of life.

If you can manage to get your GED then maybe now you are ready to further your education with a trade or college. That would surely open up many doors for you being so young. Go online and take some of those career test to see what fields might be of interest to you and then dont think long about go and sign up.

What you are experiencing is pretty normal so dont worry too much but dont waste too much more of your time or your parents on things you know arent even fun for real. Good luck.

[loliowe]

Sorry didnt mean Jeanie

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((( loliowe ))))))))))))))))))