this is my story

[jackksonz]

hi there
this is my first time using this dont quite no where its going to get me but i hope this is going to help me through my probelms that im dealing with at the moment ..
yesturday my girlfriend broke up with me this is my story ..
i met her when i was 14 years old and we got close and and took thiings from there ... we dated through out highschool which i wasnt there for long ... i left school when i was 15 .. for the next 5 years we were on and off .. i lost my virginity to her when i was 16 she had already lost hers when we were on a breakup ... i had the oppurtunity to take hers but as i had not lost mine i felt ashamed and didnt know what to do ..

my story reall begins about 3 years ago she had moved in with me and my family as things wernt working out for her at her house with her family .. things were going good but i had a job i was working and my shifts were 12 hours long .. so by the time i finished work i only really had time to come home and eat, and sleep before i was back to work .. she had enough of living at my house with my family and wanted to get a place of our own which i thought would be great .. im not saying our relantionship was the greatest but i thought we had something good together ..

i moved us into our new house and within a week she had moved out and gone back to her family her mums house ... she broke it off wit me and that was that ... i was really down with life at this stage i thought this was just going to be a little break up that wasnt going to last for long .. a couple days went by and i had tryed my hardest to get her back she wouldnt budge and had told me she wasnt in love with me anymore and that that was it ... this was real hard for me and i suffred alot from it ... i couldnt sleep couldnt eat i was a mess .. what made it worst i l;ost my job and my dog was killed all in the same week ... i moved back home ..

i turned to alcohole and drunk my sorrows away .. a close friend of mine had come over and she too had just broken up with her partner .. so we had each other to talk to and after a long time i eventully got over it ... although i still thought of her everyday the hurt was no longer there ... i had heard the news that she had a new partner and was living over in austraila ... this hurt but i got through it ...

about 5 months had passed and i went away for the weekend ... when i got back my mum had toldme that she had been over that she was back from austraila he boyfriend had been ratshit to her and kicked her out .. booked her a ticket and flew her home .. she came over here to talk to my mum for comfort i thnk .. i was angry to hear this when i got home .. she had said that he had rang her and was sorry and wanted her back .. mum told her she was stupid to go back to him. she went back to him ... about 6 months later they both had moved back to nz and got a house in wellington ..

about 3 months ago i got a phone call from a friend of ours that said she was living back with her mum and wanted my phone number i said to give it to her .. i dont no what i was thinking seemed like a good idea at the time .. i caught back up with her and we had a good catch up .. she had ended it with her boyfriend and wanted me back ,,, i had been single for 2 years and this made me feel good that she wanted me back .. i told my self that she will never hurt me again no matter what she did ..

the last few months have been great having her back in my life but her nanna is dying of cancer ... so she had been messed up ... she stayed with me for about 3 weeks straight then it started getting lesser .. she was saying she just wanted to be with her nan and spend as much time with her as she could ... i understood that although i wanted her to stay with me at least 1 night a week ... i spent most of the days out where she was staying with her nan ...

yesturday i rang up to see how she was and she said no good that her nan had been taken to hospital and she wasnt good .. i asked how come u hadent rang and told me i would have cam over to be with you so ur not on your own ... she said she wanted to be byherself and that she no longer wants to be with me .. that its unfair on me the way she is at the moment .. i told her that i dont mind i want to be with you i love you and ill do what ever it takes ... she ment what she said that she no longer wanted to be with me .. i went out to where she was staying to see if she would change her mind ... i tryed my hardst i begged her i cryed i got angry she wouldnt change her mind ..

i now do not know what to do .. i understand that she is very close to her nanna and that seeing her go through what shes got is killing her .. but wouldnt you think that she would want me there for her to help her to love her ???

i have tryed to call her she wont speak to me .. i know she ment what she said but i feel as though i have been used ... maby for a rebound because she had just broke up with her partner and moved home ...
she knows i love her so much and would do anything for her but she no longer wants to know me ...

all what she could say was shes sorry ...
im hurting bad just like the last time she left me .. i cant sleep i cant eat ... i feel really down and just want her back ...
i dont know what to do ...
i hope this all makes sence ... this is the short version to everything that has happend ...
please help if you can ...
[/b]

[tryingtobewise]

Dear jackksonz,

I am so sorry you have to go through the pain that goes with losing a mate you love.

I would agree with what you wrote: you were being used. This women wanted to be in the presence of a person who loved her; who was devoted to her; even through she did not feel the same toward you. She was being selfish; she is selfish.

You got over her before; you need to keep that in mind. Just like a broken arm, in time it heals; a broken heart is the same; you will feel the pain and as time goes on the pain will lesson and then one day it will be gone.

To help mend a broken heart you need to monitor your thoughts. You need to force thoughts of a desire for her out of your mind. If you believe in the power of prayer then when you catch the mind wondering to thoughts of her in any form pray for them to be released forever more.

Do not ever let this women come back into your life. She is selfish and will use your love to make herself feel better, regardless that she does not feel the love that a mate should feel.

She is not worth your time.

Take care and I pray a new women will come into your life soon. Make extra effort to meet someone new.

Peace.

[jackksonz]

thank you for your comment,
its good to know someone has read my issues,
its real hard, i felt good yesturday after reading heaps on the internet about breakups etc, but woke today and feel as though im right back to square one,
i no that time is going to fix things and over time im going to get better but seems like its going to take forever,
when she came backinto my life i spent all my time with her and gave up my habbits {smoking} with my friends, which is a great thing and i dont regret giving up but now feel as though i have noone around,
i hope i do meet someone oneday seems a bit far fetched and i guess im scared, i have only ever been with my ex, i wouldnt even know where to start, but am not in no position to stsrt those kind of things anytime soon,
i just want this pain to go,
im kicking myself for even allowing her back into my life to hurt me again, i was getting on fine beofre and now this has brought all the hurt back.
thanks aagain for your comment and support much appreiated

[tryingtobewise]

I hope the cycle of pain associated with the losing a mate is tapering off.

The longer you are with a person the longer it takes for the pain to be completely gone.

My fear is she will want to feel loved, adored and run back to you to get her fix and then once feeling good again will blow you off and go on her merry way.

Does your mom realize what she did to you? My hope is she does and will keep her distance as well. I know if I was your mother I would give her a piece of my mind and not want to see her again.

I realize you are not ready; but when you get closer maybe you could try a dating website to meet females. You would not have to meet them in person, but could get practice interacting in a 'dating' way. Just an idea. Maybe even try one of those speed dating events; if there is one in your area. Once again, at that type of event you could not have to date anyone, but could get some practice speaking with females in 'dating' talk; if that makes sense.

Before you know it, it will be 2012 and this will be long behind you. Good lesson to learn; but very painful.

Peace.