The Story of My life. Not Happy Anymore :(

[annoymous1992]

Okay I admitted that I'm feeling down lately & phobia of social, fear of vomiting by stresses & anxiety. Each a day, I don't feel comfortable around guys ( dad, men or boys) I know its sounds silly but I feel much better when I'm talking to a lady only. I'm always scared of having thoughts about what will happening in the future but words I cannot describe it. I just feel like Im given up on my studies for my future & hopes broke. I rather would've just to stay in the bed everyday & nothing. I cry, cry & thinking I cannot do this anymore! I just want to be an old & die. Just like that quick. Death seems peace but can be so cruel.
I'm so tired of being a happy but I'm not okay, nothing its okay & I'm always scared...I deleted fb, I ignore my best friend & what's next? MY FAMILY? I do have my disability- I'm Deaf since I was 7 months old.

My biggest fear, when I'm about to shut it all of my family, best friend & sister/brother out of my life. It's so hard when I'm think of them & their words came into my mind "why you feeling sad? why you did change time of studies? etc etc" Its makes me feel a worthless & I don't feel happy than I used to be happy since lonely without my closest cousin left me & gone to be married. I miss her & its soo hard. I've broken up my two previous bfs because I'm not interest in them & I get distract it. Part of my life feels empty & hurts like I'm falling on the ground & scream but I wanted to STOP from everything that I've been through crazy emotional & lonely.... I like switch off.

However, I never take smoke or drugs or sex or anything in my whole life. None of them isn't part of my life & I always know its not good.

seems I can't find any light in my eyes & knowing I still have pain inside me. The more I get older & the more I get problems with around people & I can't deal with my life everyday when a challenge comes in my way....I'm only 19 years old.

Without help...I couldn't survive

[Ademay213]

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Have you tried counseling? Sometimes it helps to talk to a professional, and if it's a medical problem, they can prescribe you medication that could help/

[loliowe]

Hi Ademay

Sounds like you do have challenges that you must have overcome being deaf and learning to communicate. You sound like an interesting person that may need to get out and find some type of social support group for people going through the same problems as yourself. The internet is a great place to look into social events that fit our specific needs. No one needs to be or feel lonely, its not a healthy place. So please it couldnt hurt to google whats happening around you. Hope your day goes well.

Lolly

[annoymous1992]

Hi thanks for your comments & yes I do have counselling but I didn't make my appointment yet since I was sick for over a week...But got better then I'll try it. I'm so lonely & upset for not having a job & its hard people won't accept me because of my disability.....

I can't think of any better unless I need a job...its hard, I quit my studies because of my IBS health issue by alot of stresses & pressure. I just need rather to go for work & taking care of myself...

It's makes my life seems harder than I used to be anymore. I accepted it, things could've happened to me for a reason....

[hollyann]

Hi. You have a right to how you are feeling. I really hope you do try counseling. It can really help. You are accepted here. Maybe you could find work in like a humans resource group or something? Or find a group with others that can't hear and be a part of something, fundraising or something. As you learn to take care of yourself the way you want to be able to. I really don't know what's out there. You can talk to us here anytime.

hollyann

[annoymous1992]

Hi Hollyann,

Thanks for your advice, I'll see & try it. Its hard as long I can fight to live but I will keeping find till I open the door.

I hope you are doing same thing too.

P.S I've read it of your story, my heart goes out to you. I hope you & your son will have a better life in the future without any regrets from your family's issues. Takecare