my story (may trigger)
Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 10:15 pm
Hi all, I really want to share some of my life with others, perhaps just to vent. I cant put everything down tonight, but I would like to share some with other users.
My mother was an alcoholic and schitzophrenic and my father had another family somewhere.
All of my childhood memories are of my mother being drunk. Sometimes she would be overly loving, smothering me, making promises that she'd never keep. Other times she would be volotile, and violent, hating me because i look so much like my father, telling me what a mistake she made having me to save her marriage, that it was my fault it didnt work.
One of my first memories is being taken into the headmasters office when i was 5 or 6, and being made to undress in front of a police officer (woman) because a teacher had noticed cigarette burns on my body while I had beenchanging for PE.
I dont actually remember much of the abuse it self, just feelings of hurt and fear.
When I was 11, my mother brought a boyfriend home, a fellow alcoholic. My memory of this is that my mum wanted more vodka and had no money, so this man told her he'd buy it, if she let him have time alone with me. My mother agreed, and i dont think i need to explain what happened next.
That was the one and only time I was touched in a sexual way like that. throughout my childhood i was moved around foster homes, always ending up back at my mums. I hated her, but i loved her too, and felt sick for it. Ofcourse the physical and emotional abuse continued, until i was 14, when i was finally placed into my older sisters care.
After being there a few weeks, my mother vanished off the face of the earth, and hasnt been seen or heard from since.
This is only a small part of my story, but i feel better for sharing it, and hope that no one finds it upsetting.
Blessed Be
My mother was an alcoholic and schitzophrenic and my father had another family somewhere.
All of my childhood memories are of my mother being drunk. Sometimes she would be overly loving, smothering me, making promises that she'd never keep. Other times she would be volotile, and violent, hating me because i look so much like my father, telling me what a mistake she made having me to save her marriage, that it was my fault it didnt work.
One of my first memories is being taken into the headmasters office when i was 5 or 6, and being made to undress in front of a police officer (woman) because a teacher had noticed cigarette burns on my body while I had beenchanging for PE.
I dont actually remember much of the abuse it self, just feelings of hurt and fear.
When I was 11, my mother brought a boyfriend home, a fellow alcoholic. My memory of this is that my mum wanted more vodka and had no money, so this man told her he'd buy it, if she let him have time alone with me. My mother agreed, and i dont think i need to explain what happened next.
That was the one and only time I was touched in a sexual way like that. throughout my childhood i was moved around foster homes, always ending up back at my mums. I hated her, but i loved her too, and felt sick for it. Ofcourse the physical and emotional abuse continued, until i was 14, when i was finally placed into my older sisters care.
After being there a few weeks, my mother vanished off the face of the earth, and hasnt been seen or heard from since.
This is only a small part of my story, but i feel better for sharing it, and hope that no one finds it upsetting.
Blessed Be
Thank you both for your lovely replies.