19 And Never Had A Girlfriend

[d8legs]

This is really hard for me to tell other people, so I brought it up anonymously:

I've never had a girlfriend, or even kissed a girl. I'm lanky, very skinny, and overall unattractive. I don't think a girl has ever been interested in me, whether it be physically or as a person. Because of this, I'm really self conscious which has led me to become incredibly shy and unsure of myself. I'm really afraid to approach girls, and I've been told I give off a creepy vibe, which upsets me.

My lack of experience also leads me to feel very intimidated by girls. Girls my age already have a degree of experience under their belt, and I assume they would think even less of me if they knew. I'm 19 and haven't even kissed a girl. Isn't that a red flag? This really bothers me.

Before break, when I was in college, literally everyone around me was in some sort of relationship or sexually active. It was so normal for them. It truly made me feel like there is something wrong with me.

Last year I tried asking out this girl and she just kind of laughed at me and walked away, she didn't even bother to say no. I'm sure I looked like a huge weird-o and it was super awkward, but I don't want to go through that humiliation again.

I've thought about going and working out, but the gym is always filled with muscular men, and I just feel so pathetic next to them. I'm the type of person whose too shy to even take off their shirt the beach.

What can I do?

[bluebayou]

I have been there Me. The fat girl with the thick accent and big glasses.
I've had boys in cars pull over and ask me why I was so ugly. I was always the girl holding the coats while the other girls went to dance. Me the ugly,fat sidekick. I once had a guy slam a door in my face. Then a different guy called me to hang out then thought it would be funny to not answer the door when I got there. It was cold and nearly midnight. I had taken the train in a not so good neighborhood. And he didnt even open the door.

I heard him laughing...

Today, Im married to a handsome guy. He is sweet, caring and loves me. I wasnt looking for love. Seriously. I just did one night stands. I went to visit a friend and we met.

Im not an optimistic person. Not by a long shot. But if someone fell for little old me...
its only a matter of time for you. Join groups that do the same thing you enjoy. Maybe a nice hair cut, new clothes. Something to make YOU feel good about YOU. Then the rest will come. Dont worry sweets, it can happen. Girls love warm, sincere guys. Sometimes we are just too young to know it. But we get there eventually: )

[Silver]

Hello d8legs. I'm 18 and a college sophomore, so I'm fairly close to your age. I understand what it's like to be shy; I've always been the quiet kid throughout life, so I tended to be ignored too, whether it be in looking for love or just for friends. I can't say I've had it completely terrible when it comes to looking for love; throughout high school, I never asked anyone out, though I was asked out once. I declined though because the boy was not a good person... I think it alienated me from my peers, however. So I understand how talk goes around, which may or may not apply to you, but that was part of my shyness; I was afraid of getting a bad wrap over one situation, because that's what happened.

But you know, I feel that taking chances is worth it, even if it's hard to speak up or go out. For example, I frequented a fanfiction for about a year and a half, but I never thought to upload anything for a long while, though I do get compliments on my writing. One day, I decided to post something, and I ended up getting quite a bit of traffic. One of my readers is my current boyfriend, as well as my first. We came to know each other in person, and he is honestly one of the sweetest people I've ever met. I can't guarantee that meeting someone online will work for you, but I feel the one advantage is that you get to start fresh, and while you're typing, you learn to slow down and express yourself the way you truly want to. For a while, I relied on this, but I feel that expressing myself online has helped me adjust to speaking in person as well; I don't stumble over words or stutter as often as I used to, nor do I get as intimidated.

I recommend you give online friends a shot, even if you don't feel comfortable with online dating. Who knows, maybe something positive will spring from it. I hope this helps and I wish you luck; I'm sure you'll find your someone eventually. It just takes time, and at 19, you have plenty of that. *hug*

[Sentimental]

Well I am 23 and in kind of the same boat. I am not one of those guys that may chase after girls or feel that I need to be in a relationship, just like most other people.
That is until I like someone, and when I like someone I REALLY like them. And it is not like oh, I got rejected, so I will go to the next girl. No, there is never a "next" girl for me, it is either her or no one.
There were 2 girls in my life that I loved, but with both I was left heart-broken and depressed for ages. There were a couple of girls that did like me, but I was not interested in them, as I my mind was already set on the girl I liked, and I felt going for someone else, I would be cheating with myself. And so I have just given up, though I am still depressed, and when something happens that is similar to my past, it brings back bad memories.

I suppose this post is of no help to you, though I can atleast help you with one point, and that is if you go to a decent gym, noone cares about how you look, everyone is doing their own thing. So get going to the gym!

[heyimtessa]

Hi there – I just joined this site today and read your story. How are you doing now? It was posted a while ago but I still wanted to respond to it because I think it’s a bit similar to my story.

Let me start by saying that if that girl laughed at you, she’s just a mean b**ch and not the right person for you. I am 20 and I’ve never had a boyfriend. My first kiss was at 18 and it came completely unexpected. So don’t give up hope! You could meet someone next week and totally feel the click! I have always felt very insecure about boys and flirting and all those things, about my weight (I’m overweight due to Binge Eating Disorder) and looks, and I feel very insecure about my body. So I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve had people say ‘how can anybody be as fat as you!’ and those kind of nice comments. When talking to friends about that, they would all say, ahh don’t mind that, just forget it. You’re such a nice person, they are just assholes. If only it were that easy hehehe.

I was bullied all the way through highschool (which is 6 years in the Netherlands, where I’m from), went to 3 different schools but they always knew what to say to get me to hate myself more and more. Extremely low self-esteem, check.

Now I’m in college and found some great people to hang out with. They don’t judge or exclude me and don’t laugh and talk bad about me behind my back, like in highschool. But still I feel I can never really show my true self, the way I really am. I’m still always afraid they won’t accept or like me anymore if I show them the real me. Every time I went to a new school I tried showing who I am, but I’ve never felt accepted, so I just got used to not showing myself at all. I’ve become a master at putting up walls and it takes a lot to tear them down. I often can’t even tear them down myself, even if I wanted to. I basically settled down with the idea I will never be able to truly show myself.

Luckily I have found a way of expressing my emotion, through art and music. When I paint I can really put in my soul, and when I sing I can let people in on my emotions. It turns out I can actually sing quite well (another insecurity I’m trying to overcome at the moment) so that definitely helps. Maybe there is something like that for you, you might have a (hidden) talent or passion for art, writing or theater or anything? Get it out there, maybe that will be a way for you to meet some people who are more 'your crowd'. It really helped me.

What I learned from my first kiss is, if it feels right, it will just happen. I have actually had guys ask me out before, or tell me I was beautiful, (mostly when they were drunk, so I guess it doesn’t really count) but I just felt like if I don’t even like myself, how can any guy ever love me?! In the back of my mind there’s always a voice reminding me of how I’m not worth their time. The thing is, when I was with this one guy, that voice was completely gone. Just bad luck we lived on opposite sides of the world so it didn’t work out. Also, if you do meet a girl that you like and she likes you… she won’t know you’ve never kissed anyone before! You don’t need to tell her. Everyone has their own preference about the way of kissing, a friend of mine once said there is no wrong way to kiss, just a wrong kissing partner.

Ok, I’ve talked about myself enough now. I think that if you are insecure about going to the gym, which I understand, there are several solutions. You could get a hometrainer, like one of those tell-sell machines or just do exercises at home like situps and pushups if you can’t afford (or dont have space for) the machines. With working out, starting small is the key, don’t expect that you’ll be able to do 10 pushups within a week. There are training programs on the web, maybe you can try one. If you live in an area with nature, you could go running or walking there. Wood, beach, fields, anything. That’s also a nice way to get some color on your skin. When I’m a bit tanned I automatically feel prettier, but that might be a girls thing hehe.

Maybe you could try swimming, it’s a great way to build muscles everywhere without putting too much stress on your body (which I guess is a bigger problem for me than for you, but still). I always go swimming in the morning before lectures, there are no annoying teenagers there at those times, just old people who don’t give a crap.

But I think it’s most important to remember that every single big, muscular guy in the gym once started out with matchsticks for arms, and they have had to work for it too.

About the online dating: I’ve tried that, but it didn’t work out for me. I had this internet relationship with a guy for almost 3 years before I had the guts to meet up with him in person. I really did like him when we were chatting, including pictures or video sometimes so we knew what the other person looked like. But when we met, there was just no chemistry and it was really awkward. We just didn't know what to say to each other in person. In the end I was really sad that we’d met up, because it was the end of a great friendship for me, since we hardly ever talk any more now. So that’s something to consider. But, maybe I was just unlucky, I do believe that through email or chat, you can easily show yourself and get to know someone without insecurity about looks or first impressions.

Holy shit, I’ve written an entire essay, lol. Hope it helps you to read my story. Guess I felt like it was time to be written down.