disabled and severly depressed

[dizzydanni21]

im 17 years old and has mild cp, ever since ive learned about my disability ive been depressed. i hate it, i cry every night thinking about what life would of been like if i didnt have it... but there is no chance of that life coming true.
i have started self harming myself and it really scares me that im doing it, but i cant stop. i think about what it would be like if i wasnt here, nobody sees how much pain im in and how lonely i am, i might as well just go away. i cant speak to anyone at home about it, i blame my mum for giving me this disability and the miserable life shes created... i know i shouldnt but shes the one who fell down the stairs when she was drunk whilst being pregnant with me, which caused the disability i just want it to go i really do. ive started getting some help at college but its not helping yet. all i want is to be happy again will this ever happen ??

[dd-va]

dizzydanni, Hello and welcome to the forums. I can understand your frustration with your disability. I have a brother who was born with CP as well, and have witnessed his struggles with it throughout his life. Are you in therapy for your depression, if you cannot talk to your mother, is there anyone that you can talk with about your feelings (school counselor, teacher, other trusted adult)? I am glad that you have reached out for support here and hope that you will continue to do so.
Take Care

dd-va