not sure where else to go

[needing_your_help]

hey im new to this forum and have never really done anything like this but i need help and not sure where to go for it. I have ocd and depression and anxiety attacks although doctors and therapists have diagnosed me my mom refuses to believe it so i get no medical help for it. But anyway i need help getting through problems with my girlfriend. The main problem in our relationship is that before we met she had sex with somebody who truly disgusts me ive been forced to deal with him often but currently do not. I know its a stupid thing as it was in the past but some days i cannot look at myself without feeling like he is so much better then me in every way i often freak out on her and call her degrading names because i cant handle it. Anything she says i take as she wants him and that im ugly compared to him. I often use drugs to get through the days that i cant handle but they rarely help ive even gone as far as attempting suicide by taking 43 sleeping pills and often cut myself or punch things and lose my temper. Forgive me if i rambled or it was hard to read but the last two days have been some of the hardest by far and i am so desperate for help please anything

[crystalgaze]

Hello! Welcome! First off, good on you for reaching out for help. Good!

With the girlfriend, but more so for yourself, please manage your anger. (Anger can make you sick, so be careful, please!)

If you cannot deal with what happened, it may be best to leave. There's no way it can be undone.

Be careful! Be careful! Be careful! Be careful! (for both you & your girlfriend) What happens if your anger gets too out of control?

You may be frightening her.... By spazzing out on her, you may be pushing her away, which after enough time will be part of her reason for leaving.

What you may want to do is decide what you will do. Either way it is a dilemma, a tight situation & may be painful. Decide carefully & think it through--whatever positive action you will take.

I don't know the whole story, so I can't comment for certain.

I really hope you will feel better soon! Take care! Just do your best or what you can, how you can!